I have always heard that an Alcoholic has to fall on his face to want to make the change.... Does the same go for us. In the past week I have had a lot of life changing things happen in my life. Right now I feel like my world is caving in around me. So I am thinking, is it my time, have I fallen on my face. I need the time to do some serious soul seaching. I exhaust my family and friends with my so call problems, but am I really looking at the whole picture. Ifs my HP testing me? Am I testing myself? or are others testing me as well? Now is the time to make a change for my life, to see what I have done with it and where I want it to go. I need to stop being a child and grow up. My parents are old and very sick, I watch these kind people who raised me deterate right before my eyes. My children that I have raised all of their lives alone, have left me for greener pasters with their dad. I fear being alone, and now it is here. The man I love, has found another. I want to just give up and run away. Julie

Hi Julie...and I can't speak for others, but yes, I think we reach a bottom too.

That's great though...the only way from there is UP.

Be gentle with yourself though...I'll bet you'd feel better if you wrote down 5 things about yourself that are just SO SPECIAL!!!!

Aug 6 (my BDay) Courage to Change talks about courage....and fear....and walking through the fire to come out on the other side to a better life.

When my parents died, I wondered who would love me unconditionally now????  Who would be the grown up????  ME that was the only answer.  

I'm better now, but the past few weeks I was real close to where you are.  Just slog on through it, honey...there is another side.  Keep that in mind.

((((((((((((((Julie)))))))))))))))))) G

Hi Julie,

I agree, I think we have to hit rock bottom too!!!! I know I did last year.  My life is not as good as I want it to be but I know if I don't take care of me....who will?  Lonely is hard but you have to be willing to make new friends, find something to do with yourself.  Hang in there, know how important you are to YOU!

Hugs Mary

Hello Heartless, so sorry u have to go thru this , but yes I believe we too have to hit our bottom to start climbing out of the chaos.  This is the perfect opportunity to devote yourself to your loving parents,I too have had the oportunity to do that in my life and it is a gift.  As u said your children have moved on and are on thier own. They know what u did for them, but they are young and selfish thinking only of themselves, it takes awhile for them to grow up. : )

One of the most challenging times of my recovery was when I had given everyone back thier life to do what they had to do, and I sat and thought what now? someone gave me a tape and in that tape I found my answer the speaker talked about  How do you manage , when there is NO ONE left to manage ? her reply was well ! now u get a life.   what a concept. hehe

I hope that you are attending meetings for yourself , we need new friends to help us on this path of discovery. Some one told me along time ago to not quit before I got the miracle. Of course I thought they meant sobriety.   Well thats not what she meant , she told me many yrs later that the miracle  was "finding myself" funny I never thought of that. The real me, the person I have always wanted to be.

Good luck -- use your free time to discover who u really are and become who u need to be.

BLOOM WHERE YOUR PLANTED.  good luck  Louise

I feel completely alone too. Not alot of people like me, my dad sister friends sometimes. But i think and im not completely sure cause its also new to me. I have realized and heard alot. its what we do with the conflict in our lives that make the difference. Not focusing on why did this happen why is it happening what have i done? But more of  this has happened or is happening what can i do to stay sane?And a very wise woman once told me (abbyal) to stop hoping for a better past and start making a better future.  and its those choices we make when things are happening that can make all the difference in the world. Not easy to do at all not something i have been able to do yet. But it is helping me deal with my moms death, instead of feeling sorry for myself that shes gone. I try it doesnt always work sometimes it does but as they say in alanon progress not perfection. Hope this helped.  

 

kerry

Heartless, You got many great responses. I know it's hard to see the positive when you're so low. I know I've been there a lot lately and I find the more I treat myself the more I find myself. And only I can change me. By treating yourself I mean take some time every day for something you enjoy. Soon you will start to see you again. I'm dealing with an elderly mom who is very strong willed and her health is failing but her spirit isn't. Sometimes that's good sometimes not. I just try to enjoy her as much as I can and with help of 5 siblings we are with her 3-4 nights a week." The Visiting Angels" have helped tremendously. They help seniors in any capacity they may need help. I think they are nationwide and if you find that you are losing your days to your parents care you might look them up. One other thing that always lifts me up when I am down is to look at where I've come from the last 3 years. I have my own activities, friends and family to spend time with and enjoy. I take care of myself to the point that sometimes I wonder if I'm being greedy! One Day At a Time Whitie