Hello friends :)

Thanks to some very thoughtful kind compassionate members, I was able to hold myself together in pm-private message tonite. I understand how important it is for some of us to ask for pm when the room is not helpful or picking up on an urgent need. I did let go and let god but geez,,,it just doesn't help immediately does it? I thought I was doing okay but my body did different things. I tried to stick with the room to be my lifeline to help cope. My sponsor was not available. I can't even tell you what happened now with my alcoholic. I don't want to share it. It is too painful but she is safe for now. I am out of energy again. Plain out! Too much too fast. I am not sure what my path is now. I will keep checking here for those I have come to be dear friends with. I don't think I can help any new people anymore.  We need to take care of us after all and focus on us. I hate alcoholism! I really do! Thanks for your support and for being here for me,,,,those that have been. your exhausted friend in recovery that is having horrible computer problems too. cdb

Hello CDB

 

You and your family are in my prayers

 

megan

cdb,

So sorry for the hardships--I will pray for you also.

mom to 2

Dear CDB,

I know you must be frazzled right now and the pain can be hard to bear.I have found that when I come into the room and feeling just plain awful, tummy churning, beside myself with worry, somebody enters crying out for help.

For me,when I try to help, and I talk all the alanon "speak" which I find hard to put into practice for myself, lol, it takes my mind off my two A's in my home and I begin to focus on myself. Sometimes, what I say to others is really what I need to be doing myself and it spurs me on to "work at it".

I hope you will keep coming in the room and helping others - you're good at it!! Everybody in the room has a heart and soul just as you do and it makes me feel better about myself if maybe I have helped someone just a little tiny bit.

 Look forward to seeing you in the room and please take care of yourself!!!

Your friend in recovery,

garom

C come on you. You have to allow us to help you too. It is not fair for you to give and help but when we finally can support you, you talk about going away. so forget it. I am handcuffing you to the chair!!!! vent, let it out. we tell you everything, now it is your turn. we don't judge, or think any less of you or A. i feel a great compassion for your girl. You are tired, so rest!! do that for you. just come here and let it out, don't think about expending energy, think about letting out the poison. got bit in my finger joint now so hard to type...stupid me bent over holding my tiny foofoof new rescue lhasa and she got scared and bit my joint ouch. Please, you are always there for me, don't you dare leave. i know how you feel. i want to run lots of times wanna come visit eden? you can rest and feed animals, brush dogs, ride a horse, pick up pooty paint the deck....lol Maybe you do need to get away is it an option time to think and get your power back hon all you can do is just love your daughter. You know if it were me, knowing what i do now. I would find a friend load up a llama to pack my pack as i am a wus, throw in daughter have stuff for her. just go for the day and end up going on a loooonnnnnggggg survival outward bound. I am serious. She needs a dose of reality. make her own food, put up her own shelter, dig her own pooty holes, no deoderant, nothing extra at all. oNly enough to survive. no books nothing. reward positive, ignore negative. set rules....i wonder if there are any professional ones who do kids your daughters agea? Does she have insurance? there are also scholarships. anyway i love you c. please don'tleave love,debilyn 541-259-0500 anytime!! i have no life!@! (c:

Cdb,

I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting.  I think a lot of you and pray for you and your daughter everynight.  The room helps me when I feel like I am all alone in the world and have no one to turn to. Then I remember all of the members of the room and I realize that i'm not alone and I do have friends to turn to.  It's amazing how I have come to love each and everyone of you and don't even know your real names.  (sometimes i don't even know what gender they are LOL) but it doesn't matter.  I don't have to know their names or what they look like or where they live.  I know they care and that's what matters.  And not only do I know they care about me....I know we all care about you.  I hope that you find peace and contintment in your life and I hope that you know how much you are loved.

Mandi

CDB,

I am only a newbie but please understand the wonderful light you have brought into the room.
I think of how you must be feeling and I know there are many here who feel the pain as well.
You do need to think of YOU now as always, just as the program teaches us.
I am grateful for knowing you and wish you all the best you deserve. I have given you my # before if you still have it please feel free to contact me anytime.

Tea2

Hi cdb,

I am so sad and sorry to hear about how you are feeling!

I think debilyn said it best about you are good at helping others but now probably should work on letting us comfort and help YOU.

We can't take the pain away...but we can help you to bear it.

Much Love,

Isabela

Hi cdb

I can see what a strength you are to many in here.  It is awful for all of us to see when someone like you is hurting.  You hang in there.  The room will be there for you tonight I am sure.  I know I am sort of a newbie too.  I don't have any horrid crisis going on right now.  I hate to even say that out loud!  If there is ever anything I can do for you just let me know.  Stay strong!

Thank you all for you loving supportive replies,

I know you all understand where I am coming from. I did sleep until my husband got home from work at 3:45 otherwise I don't know if I would get out of bed. I will keep re-reading your replies and trying to hang in. I guess I try to always be honest here. It is hard to be honest when our shortcomings are showing as well as the awful doom side of us. So, thanks for accepting me as me. You all gave me alot to think about. For now, I think I better get out of my PJs. I was in them all day yesterday and don't need to repeat that again today. your friend, cdb

Hey cdb, take a deep breath, meditate on that wonderful cabin in the woods where your parents are, picture yourself doing that jigsaw with your mom. One piece at a time, one step at a time...Maybe even picture your daughter there with you, enjoying the birdsong, the wild roses, the babbling brook.Listen to the rustling leaves, look at the sunspeckled paths.Watch the butterflies...

I am so lucky that I have a place to go, the beach, and sometimes even on the water in my little boat. I went there this morning and it relaxed me so much, (plus I brought home supper:)) 16 mackeral, yummy!! When I can't go there, I try to picture myself there,and even go sit on the beach in the middle of the winter. I love it when it's stormy too, sorta helps me get the anger out.

Sounds like you need some me-time. Take care of you, Love,TLC

((((((CDB))))))))

Keep coming back just that tiny share helps us more than you know.  It is so hard to live with this disease, I live with an active a and I'm with you I hate the disease.  I haven't been able to seperate the two and find myself having huge resentments for my a.  Just hearing the strength in your share that you may not even know is there is inspiration to me.  It also helps to know that even the veterans of this program can slip and fall.

Keep coming back you are an important part of our family here.

Love ya, Holly

I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad. I am new to your group however, have lived with my A for nearly 19 years. Not new to the problem .. I feel your pain, i think it is why I think this group is so important. So often we talk to friends and they say " I understand " when in reality they dont because they have never loved someone addicted to alcohol. Please dont give up all of us newbies are counting on you for hope, and guidance. My thoughts and prayers are with you...