What are you suppose to do when you quit drinking and your husband continues, and now we do not have anything in common...He drinks out in the barn and I go to church. this weekend it started Friday nite with his friends,,,doing drugs and no sleep. I will not go out to the barn because I don't care to listen to drunks
lin0606 said
Jul 31, 2005
That's kind of what happened to us - I was almost as heavy a drinker as he when we first married, but with pregnancy and raising kids, I nearly quit drinking, he got worse. This is one of the things he would blame me for, when we fought - he had lost his 'drinking buddy'.
You deal with it using the same alanon tools - focus on yourself, not him, do what's best for you, and don't worry too much about what he does. Maybe this will mean the end of the marriage, maybe it will mean living mostly separate lives while staying married. Only you can make that choice. If you are new to the program, it is usually best not to rush into any big changes - take your time, work the program, and gradually it will become clear what you should do. It is possible for you to live a happy and full life, whether he is drinking or not.
jaybird said
Aug 1, 2005
Where are the tools, and where should I start?
cdb said
Aug 1, 2005
Hello jaybird,
I would suggest you get to an alanon meeting asap. The people there will understand and have many ideas for you since they are in the same town/city. What you are doing is a very admirable quality! Congratulations on your sobriety :) When we change, things around us change. Work on you. I use the alanon Paths to Recovery Book and some other books for daily readings. You can get those at your alanon meeting along with free literature when you go as a newcomer. Keep on posting here and getting your feelings out. You are not alone. Maybe it is time to smell the roses. Go to a museum or outdoor free concert. Go to barnes and nobles for example and have a nice cup of whatever you like and look through books. Plant some flowers. Take a nice comfortable bath. Read a good book. Time to take care of you. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
Hello jaybird,
I would suggest you get to an alanon meeting asap. The people there will understand and have many ideas for you since they are in the same town/city. What you are doing is a very admirable quality! Congratulations on your sobriety :) When we change, things around us change. Work on you. I use the alanon Paths to Recovery Book and some other books for daily readings. You can get those at your alanon meeting along with free literature when you go as a newcomer. Keep on posting here and getting your feelings out. You are not alone. Maybe it is time to smell the roses. Go to a museum or outdoor free concert. Go to barnes and nobles for example and have a nice cup of whatever you like and look through books. Plant some flowers. Take a nice comfortable bath. Read a good book. Time to take care of you. your friend in recovery, cdb :)