When he didn't come home last night, I figured he would call me when he got off work. I called his voice mail and had left him a message to let me know what is going on. I tried to call his phone, he won't answer it. I hate feeling unwanted.....it is lonely and empty.....
afglin said
Jul 29, 2005
Mary...I dont really know you or your situation. i DO know...that an active alkie/addict does nto care about if others worry or not. They dont car if they reply to phone messages. They only care about when they can get drunk or high again.
Instead of telling yourself you are feeling unwanted....perhaps you can tell yourself IT'S NOT ABOU ME. That's the truth. It's a symprom of their disease. They dont do what we want them to do...and it's nto a reflection on us at all. it's our own expctatins ...thinking they WILL call us back. Truth..they will call if and when they get ready. period.
Meanwhile...take care of MARY. remind yourself that you can't cause or control or cure what another person does. You can only change your own actins and attitudes. If i kept slamming the door on my finger and making it hurt...woudl i eventually decide to not slam the door on it? making that call and leaving a message woudl only make me crazy with worry. I've been ther Mary. It did not help.
{{{{hugs}}}}
LIN
kitty said
Jul 29, 2005
I am sorry you are suffering. I don't think he's rejecting you ~ maybe he's just too caught up in being an A. I always knew men met their own needs and that is what I am trying to do, simply put myself first.
Detachment is hard for me too. I know that I have no business thinking about what my A is up to, my business is to think about me. I sometimes have to tell God I am giving him my emotions before I actually get some relief from them. Actually focusing on myself, is preoccupying me & diverting my attention so as to not think about the A.
I know he was never putting me first - if I don't do it, no one else will. I was feeling guilty the other day about it but - they always think of themselves, it's time to do the same.
Making changes helps empower you too. I am taking control of my life back.
kitty said
Jul 29, 2005
If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
That was really inspirational and true, love is a verb.
God Bless & hang in there.
abbyal said
Jul 29, 2005
MarMare, you like me took his drinking personally, he is not drinking at you , he drinks because he has a problem ... period. Regardless of what he says you are not the reason he drinks. Lonley I understand but u have choices now , u can continue to get a life with new friends , enjoy your family. You don't have to sit home and wait for him to show up or not!
find meetings make new friends , I know u would rather be with him but for today that is not an option, his disease is running his life now. Make a life for yourself and enjoy. You obviously don't want to leave your marriage , * I didnt want to either" so I started to get myself back on track and the whole family situation improved. Al-Anon changed my families life for the better and I have never been sorry I stayed. good luck Louise
Dolphin123 said
Jul 31, 2005
Wow...... My "A" went out last night and did the same thing. H esaid he had an errand to run and would be back in about an hour. 2 hours later I call his phone and no answer. I left him a message, but I really knew what he was doing.
It is hard to love someone who is addicted. My "A" right now is not the man i am in love with because now he is in active addiction. Don't get me wrong I love this man with all my heart, but the active addict, he is not the one I want.
Your not alone, we are here for you and we love you and truly care about you. And for the most part understand at least a small bit of what you are goiong through.
Mary...I dont really know you or your situation. i DO know...that an active alkie/addict does nto care about if others worry or not. They dont car if they reply to phone messages. They only care about when they can get drunk or high again.
Instead of telling yourself you are feeling unwanted....perhaps you can tell yourself IT'S NOT ABOU ME. That's the truth. It's a symprom of their disease. They dont do what we want them to do...and it's nto a reflection on us at all. it's our own expctatins ...thinking they WILL call us back. Truth..they will call if and when they get ready. period.
Meanwhile...take care of MARY. remind yourself that you can't cause or control or cure what another person does. You can only change your own actins and attitudes. If i kept slamming the door on my finger and making it hurt...woudl i eventually decide to not slam the door on it? making that call and leaving a message woudl only make me crazy with worry. I've been ther Mary. It did not help.
{{{{hugs}}}}
LIN
I am sorry you are suffering. I don't think he's rejecting you ~ maybe he's just too caught up in being an A. I always knew men met their own needs and that is what I am trying to do, simply put myself first.
Detachment is hard for me too. I know that I have no business thinking about what my A is up to, my business is to think about me. I sometimes have to tell God I am giving him my emotions before I actually get some relief from them. Actually focusing on myself, is preoccupying me & diverting my attention so as to not think about the A.
I know he was never putting me first - if I don't do it, no one else will. I was feeling guilty the other day about it but - they always think of themselves, it's time to do the same.
Making changes helps empower you too. I am taking control of my life back.
If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
That was really inspirational and true, love is a verb.
God Bless & hang in there.
MarMare, you like me took his drinking personally, he is not drinking at you , he drinks because he has a problem ... period. Regardless of what he says you are not the reason he drinks. Lonley I understand but u have choices now , u can continue to get a life with new friends , enjoy your family. You don't have to sit home and wait for him to show up or not!
find meetings make new friends , I know u would rather be with him but for today that is not an option, his disease is running his life now. Make a life for yourself and enjoy. You obviously don't want to leave your marriage , * I didnt want to either" so I started to get myself back on track and the whole family situation improved. Al-Anon changed my families life for the better and I have never been sorry I stayed. good luck Louise
Wow...... My "A" went out last night and did the same thing. H esaid he had an errand to run and would be back in about an hour. 2 hours later I call his phone and no answer. I left him a message, but I really knew what he was doing.
It is hard to love someone who is addicted. My "A" right now is not the man i am in love with because now he is in active addiction. Don't get me wrong I love this man with all my heart, but the active addict, he is not the one I want.
Your not alone, we are here for you and we love you and truly care about you. And for the most part understand at least a small bit of what you are goiong through.
Keep workin it!
Yours in Recovery,
Mandy