I got an email from "B" on 7/15/2005. He gave documented proof of a "romantic" liasion between his wife and my husband -- my A. It was incredibly, painfully, infuriatingly difficult to deal with the information in the email. Text messages "A" wrote to her include "You're the most loving person I've ever met" and "I want to shave off my eyebrows because I miss you so much." I was and am devastated.
Since then, lots of other details -- confessions, so to say -- have come to light. I told him "To have any chance of absolution, you must admit to every indescretion. Attest to its veracity & completeness. Sign it. Then I'll be able to 'take you at your word'. Only then will I be able to try to figure out a way to re-build a relationship."
So we're bringing things to light. And many things have come to light. Like, for the past 13 years, "A" – by his own estimation – has spent about 5 hours a day with the good ole boys -- drinking, whoremongering, smoking – you name it, they're doing it and he’s doing it right along with them, and out there doing on his own, too.
But, of course, he says "It was the alcohol." And so I say, "The alcohol only inhibits inhibtions, it doesn't put anything into you that isn't already there. That’s you, not the alcohol."
He’s going to meetings. At least I think he is. He says he is. I don’t really know. I haven’t followed him or hired anyone to follow him so I am taking his word that he’s going to meetings.
I am so angry that I don't have the partnership I thought we had. I am angry that I am married to a deceiver who sold me out years ago for his own glory. I feel like I have been rescued from someone who is afflicted with "Munchhausen by Proxy".
Thank you all for being there.
kitty said
Jul 27, 2005
I love you so much mom, happy you're here, keep coming back.
-kitty
kitty said
Jul 27, 2005
I know you are hurting terribly right now.
The literature will empower you. Your recovery, peace of mind and sanity are all you need to focus on. Sharing, meetings & the steps will enable you to get your life back. And you are right, what he sd was just an "excuse". Put it in god's hands & let it go, ebrace the wonderful person you are.
I wish I could think of something more profound to say. I'm just really proud of you right now, thanks for sharing.
cdb said
Jul 28, 2005
Hello dove and welcome to MIP miracles in progress. First of all I would like to give you hugs ((((((((((((dove)))))))))) for none of us deserve to be treated like this. It always helps me to vent here and it does help others in a similiar situation too. Know that by sharing your story you are helping others too. I am so sorry for all your pain right now. My heart goes out to you. Betrayal is such a cruel thing. It takes time to get over but in time you can come to have the life you are meant to have. My daughter is the alcoholic in my life at 21 now. Unfortunately with all the values we tried to teach her she was still very promiscuous while drinking. Especially during her blackouts. That is no excuse of course but can be part of the disease of alcoholism. They need to be accountable for their actions and suffer the natural consequences.
Know that you are not alone. Hang in and do keep reaching out. WE are her for you. (((((((((((dove)))))))) your new friend, cdb
kathy570 said
Jul 28, 2005
Dear Dove,
Welcome & God Bless You. I too have been in that situation and my God it rips your heart right out. You are in my prayers honey.
If he is out "whoremongering " as you put it the first thing I would do is have seperate rooms at night. Then I would be fast tracking it to the doctors to get tested for everything. I know that sounds cruel but this is a program about honest & reality. I really do feeel your pain Dove.
I am a recovering A also with hubby very active. When I went into treatment oct. 01, he sent me a letter telling me he was seeing someone new & thought it was the best for him. I was devasted, how could he do this to me especially while I am treatment. I could have ripped HIS heart out !!!! I told him to get out the day I was to get out of treatment. I hated him for a long time. You are right about acting out when drunk. The thought are already there and that is something for you to really consider when trying to sort things out for yourself. He did not even have the guts to tell you himself - AA's are real cowards when it comes down to it. If he hadn't been caught - how long would he have kept this up???????
But in hindsight, mine telling me there was some one else was the best thing he did for me in a lot of years. It made me realize that it is time to look after myself. And I am doing just that. Is been 3 years and we are now back together as of May, with all the promises to change. Guess what, the changes didn't last very long. He is still drinking, behaving like a tipical A. I told him that if I ever found out he was cheating again( I had a gut feeling before but ignored it ), the he would never be able to do "IT" with anyone because he wouldn't have the parts.
I know my A is also ACOA, A, depressed & I Pray that his HP will help him because I can't. The best thing I am doing is looking after me, attending A meetings, Al Anon meetings, coming on-line & posting & reading.
I come FIRST NOW
You are in my Prayers & God Bless. Keep coming back
I got an email from "B" on 7/15/2005. He gave documented proof of a "romantic" liasion between his wife and my husband -- my A. It was incredibly, painfully, infuriatingly difficult to deal with the information in the email. Text messages "A" wrote to her include "You're the most loving person I've ever met" and "I want to shave off my eyebrows because I miss you so much." I was and am devastated.
Since then, lots of other details -- confessions, so to say -- have come to light. I told him "To have any chance of absolution, you must admit to every indescretion. Attest to its veracity & completeness. Sign it. Then I'll be able to 'take you at your word'. Only then will I be able to try to figure out a way to re-build a relationship."
So we're bringing things to light. And many things have come to light. Like, for the past 13 years, "A" – by his own estimation – has spent about 5 hours a day with the good ole boys -- drinking, whoremongering, smoking – you name it, they're doing it and he’s doing it right along with them, and out there doing on his own, too.
But, of course, he says "It was the alcohol." And so I say, "The alcohol only inhibits inhibtions, it doesn't put anything into you that isn't already there. That’s you, not the alcohol."
He’s going to meetings. At least I think he is. He says he is. I don’t really know. I haven’t followed him or hired anyone to follow him so I am taking his word that he’s going to meetings.
I am so angry that I don't have the partnership I thought we had. I am angry that I am married to a deceiver who sold me out years ago for his own glory. I feel like I have been rescued from someone who is afflicted with "Munchhausen by Proxy".
Thank you all for being there.
I love you so much mom, happy you're here, keep coming back.
-kitty
I know you are hurting terribly right now.
The literature will empower you. Your recovery, peace of mind and sanity are all you need to focus on. Sharing, meetings & the steps will enable you to get your life back. And you are right, what he sd was just an "excuse". Put it in god's hands & let it go, ebrace the wonderful person you are.
I wish I could think of something more profound to say. I'm just really proud of you right now, thanks for sharing.
Hello dove and welcome to MIP miracles in progress. First of all I would like to give you hugs ((((((((((((dove)))))))))) for none of us deserve to be treated like this. It always helps me to vent here and it does help others in a similiar situation too. Know that by sharing your story you are helping others too. I am so sorry for all your pain right now. My heart goes out to you. Betrayal is such a cruel thing. It takes time to get over but in time you can come to have the life you are meant to have. My daughter is the alcoholic in my life at 21 now. Unfortunately with all the values we tried to teach her she was still very promiscuous while drinking. Especially during her blackouts. That is no excuse of course but can be part of the disease of alcoholism. They need to be accountable for their actions and suffer the natural consequences.
Know that you are not alone. Hang in and do keep reaching out. WE are her for you. (((((((((((dove)))))))) your new friend, cdb
Dear Dove,
Welcome & God Bless You. I too have been in that situation and my God it rips your heart right out. You are in my prayers honey.
If he is out "whoremongering " as you put it the first thing I would do is have seperate rooms at night. Then I would be fast tracking it to the doctors to get tested for everything. I know that sounds cruel but this is a program about honest & reality. I really do feeel your pain Dove.
I am a recovering A also with hubby very active. When I went into treatment oct. 01, he sent me a letter telling me he was seeing someone new & thought it was the best for him. I was devasted, how could he do this to me especially while I am treatment. I could have ripped HIS heart out !!!! I told him to get out the day I was to get out of treatment. I hated him for a long time. You are right about acting out when drunk. The thought are already there and that is something for you to really consider when trying to sort things out for yourself. He did not even have the guts to tell you himself - AA's are real cowards when it comes down to it. If he hadn't been caught - how long would he have kept this up???????
But in hindsight, mine telling me there was some one else was the best thing he did for me in a lot of years. It made me realize that it is time to look after myself. And I am doing just that. Is been 3 years and we are now back together as of May, with all the promises to change. Guess what, the changes didn't last very long. He is still drinking, behaving like a tipical A. I told him that if I ever found out he was cheating again( I had a gut feeling before but ignored it ), the he would never be able to do "IT" with anyone because he wouldn't have the parts.
I know my A is also ACOA, A, depressed & I Pray that his HP will help him because I can't. The best thing I am doing is looking after me, attending A meetings, Al Anon meetings, coming on-line & posting & reading.
I come FIRST NOW
You are in my Prayers & God Bless. Keep coming back
Yours in Recovery
Kathy570