Thanks everyone for your replies to my previous post.
Last night I spoke with my a and I'm not sure if he got that I was serious or not but I meant every word I said, of course part of me wanted him to fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness but it didn't matter that he didn't I said what I wanted and went to bed.
I don't want my marriage to end and have other people in my childrens lives but if it makes me happier and more fun to be around so be it.
I hope my a understood that I meant it last night when I told him that I would rather be broke and alone than live the hell I am living right now. I also told him he needed to make some hard desisions because I was sick of making them for him.
I hope it did some good but if not I pray i am strong enough to follow through and make him leave my home. I will not leave, it is the only safe place I have, and if I stay I know that my landlords will help me and work with me so I refuse to leave that.
Thanks again for being here, and thanks for replying.
Love Ya,
Holly
beachbaby said
Jul 27, 2005
Holly,
I am new to this board but I just wanted to say I admire your strength and am glad you are feeling better today. Remember one day at a time.
I can relate to ending a relationship with someone you care for, 7 years ago I left my ex because of his gambling addiction, we were married 10 years and had two boys, ages 16 months and 4 years. Of course, I had the same thoughts as you, not wanting to break up the family, hurting the kids, taking the kids from him, leaving someone I had spent 16 years with, but I reached the point where I knew I had to do it. I was completely miserable, tired of trying, whining, broke all the time, my love for him was no longer strong, I cared for him as a person but didnt want to be married to him any longer. Today, we have a good amicable relationship, he lives 2 blocks away, hes a good father, but he still gambles his money away, plays cards approx 10 nights a month, he still cant get it together financially-duh, he pays child support but is often late and never pays for any other expenses as he is ordered to do. I still carry the financial burden but I AM HAPPY TODAY.
It is still a challenge and I am still growing, getting stronger. when I look back I am very proud of my actions and strength. I chose not to live in it and I have no regrets but its took years to leave, many dynamics to taking that step. In the end, I did it for me, not to stop him from gambling.
There are times I wish I never had to go thru being divorced, single mom,etc but I thats what I am so I can whine or be happy, I chose to be happy.
Sorry so long, just wanted you to know, do whats best for you, whether its staying or leaving. Take care of yourself.
Carol said
Jul 27, 2005
Good for you Holly. I am feeling better today too. I talked to my a last night and said just about the same thing. I am tired of doing the same thing over and getting the same results. Hopefully with my HP's help we will stayed strong. I sad and happy all at the same time. Glad we have each other. Take Care of yourself
nmike said
Jul 27, 2005
Holly,
Thanks for sharing. I can identify with your post. Only for me I think that I had the illusion of family, etc. I think that you are setting strong boundaries and this is what the A's need. And they will kick and scream. Trust your HP to speak for you.
Thanks everyone for your replies to my previous post.
Last night I spoke with my a and I'm not sure if he got that I was serious or not but I meant every word I said, of course part of me wanted him to fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness but it didn't matter that he didn't I said what I wanted and went to bed.
I don't want my marriage to end and have other people in my childrens lives but if it makes me happier and more fun to be around so be it.
I hope my a understood that I meant it last night when I told him that I would rather be broke and alone than live the hell I am living right now. I also told him he needed to make some hard desisions because I was sick of making them for him.
I hope it did some good but if not I pray i am strong enough to follow through and make him leave my home. I will not leave, it is the only safe place I have, and if I stay I know that my landlords will help me and work with me so I refuse to leave that.
Thanks again for being here, and thanks for replying.
Love Ya,
Holly
Holly,
I am new to this board but I just wanted to say I admire your strength and am glad you are feeling better today. Remember one day at a time.
I can relate to ending a relationship with someone you care for, 7 years ago I left my ex because of his gambling addiction, we were married 10 years and had two boys, ages 16 months and 4 years. Of course, I had the same thoughts as you, not wanting to break up the family, hurting the kids, taking the kids from him, leaving someone I had spent 16 years with, but I reached the point where I knew I had to do it. I was completely miserable, tired of trying, whining, broke all the time, my love for him was no longer strong, I cared for him as a person but didnt want to be married to him any longer. Today, we have a good amicable relationship, he lives 2 blocks away, hes a good father, but he still gambles his money away, plays cards approx 10 nights a month, he still cant get it together financially-duh, he pays child support but is often late and never pays for any other expenses as he is ordered to do. I still carry the financial burden but I AM HAPPY TODAY.
It is still a challenge and I am still growing, getting stronger. when I look back I am very proud of my actions and strength. I chose not to live in it and I have no regrets but its took years to leave, many dynamics to taking that step. In the end, I did it for me, not to stop him from gambling.
There are times I wish I never had to go thru being divorced, single mom,etc but I thats what I am so I can whine or be happy, I chose to be happy.
Sorry so long, just wanted you to know, do whats best for you, whether its staying or leaving. Take care of yourself.
Holly,
Thanks for sharing. I can identify with your post. Only for me I think that I had the illusion of family, etc. I think that you are setting strong boundaries and this is what the A's need. And they will kick and scream. Trust your HP to speak for you.
In support,
Nancy