Last night was complete disaster.....there for a moment was a glimmer of hope, my A now says that the counseling comment was a lie. He won't go and wants a divorce. He refuses to open "pandoras" box. I must have cried for 2 hours. I am so hurt. He said awful awful things to me. Because he called the police on me last year, he was drunk, I was mad, I threw the phone and hit him in the head. It was pretty traumatic for me, him, and the kids. I was only in jail for 5 hours, have done anger management and now doing a year of DV treatment. He said last night, he doesn't want to be married because he is in fear for his life. He is 6' and weighs 260lbs. I have thrown stuff in the past, the night the phone hit him, I was aiming for the wall behind him. I did not mean to hurt him. I made a bad choice. I just couldn't believe the stuff he was saying. He said he would call the police and tell them I came after him again. I know I let go and am letting God. This pain is horrible though. I keep telling myself ...my HP knows what is best for me....even if that means the end of this marriage....
abbyal said
Jul 26, 2005
Hi Marmare, boy they are good , he took that little incident and turned it around and it s all your fault again! think about it marmar what is the point of going to councelling while still drinking / it is a waste of good money. Keep the focus on yourself and your children , threatning to call the police and a divorce are just that threats to keep control . Find meetings for yourself that will help u alot. Last yr u made a mistake, that was last yr. it's not happening now, and as u said it scared hell out of you so your not likly to do it again. Forgive yourself and move on.
Your husb is only doing what works for him , they will do and say anything to keep us out of thier face and off thier back. Blame is a good way of avoiding taking responsiblity for thier own behavior. don't buy into it . Your not the reason he drinks. period ! good luck Louise
isabela40 said
Jul 26, 2005
Hi Marmare,
I am so sorry to hear about your pain.
Your husband sounds a lot like mine. He threw me across the room THREE times when I tried to touch his jacket to give it to him to "invite" him to leave. He threw me accross the room onto a hard wood floor, I had mutliple bruises. I never laid a finger on him, and he was not wearing his jacket, it was on a shelf.
My daughter called the police when she saw him throw me, when they came out he heard them and started talking to me VERY nicely, saying "would you please leave me alone? I am trying to be peaceful with you and you are trying to "start something", please stop, I don't want any trouble, please leave me alone" while I was telling him to leave. He had told me that he was "divorced in his heart and free to pursue other women" and I had evidence that he had started. Well...that is my line in the sand, he had to get OUT with that garbage.
The police heard all of that through the window and door (we have a small house) and fell for it that it was my fault. Even though I had not laid a finger on my husband, or threatened him still he had grabbed me and THREW me three times on the hard floor just for trying to pick up his jacket on the shelf, the police told me that I was guilty of "domestic violence" for "starting it". They said "destriction of property" is a form of domestic violence. I said I did nothing to his jacket, and did not threaten to, I had no scissors in my hand, etc. but my husband told them I was "so angry he did not know what I had in mind" SIGH!
I had bruises and welts on my body from hitting the hard floor at such highs speeds so many times and the police said that IF they arrested him then the would HAVE to arrest me too, as we were "both" guilty of domestice violence since I "started it". SIGH! What jerks! My husband is a 6 foot 3 inch tall body builder with 210 pounds of PURE muscle, not an ounce of fat. He sure is strong, he threw me around like I was a rag doll, I hit the floor so hard and fast taht it felt more like the floor jumped up and hit me in the face then falling down.
Well, I am not going to jail for him and losing my job and professional licensure, etc. so I had to suck it up. Not only what he did to me, but the fact that no matter what people say and the hype about domestic violence laws, it is still a man's world and women still can legally be someone's punching bag and it is OK. The police were oh so happy to hear me say that it was OK for my husband to do what he did, and my husband said he "forgave me" for touching his jacket. I know he will reap every seed he has sown one day...
My husband tried that crap on me last year, saying that he wanted a divorce, etc. I cried for six months straight and made a total idiot of myslef to my husband's delight. He was so smug and delighted to see me cry and plead with him for another chance!
I am SO glad I went to counseling and found this place.
Funny how when I dried my tears and straightened up my backbone and filed for divorce MYSELF that he begged for forigiveness...yeah right...JERK!
I only "took him back" (as in agree to cohabitate for a while) for my daugther's sake, for her medical coverage she needs until she gets her own. We have a three year plan for that to happen. Only three more years...I hope I live through it.
Hi Marmare, boy they are good , he took that little incident and turned it around and it s all your fault again! think about it marmar what is the point of going to councelling while still drinking / it is a waste of good money. Keep the focus on yourself and your children , threatning to call the police and a divorce are just that threats to keep control . Find meetings for yourself that will help u alot. Last yr u made a mistake, that was last yr. it's not happening now, and as u said it scared hell out of you so your not likly to do it again. Forgive yourself and move on.
Your husb is only doing what works for him , they will do and say anything to keep us out of thier face and off thier back. Blame is a good way of avoiding taking responsiblity for thier own behavior. don't buy into it . Your not the reason he drinks. period ! good luck Louise
Hi Marmare,
I am so sorry to hear about your pain.
Your husband sounds a lot like mine. He threw me across the room THREE times when I tried to touch his jacket to give it to him to "invite" him to leave. He threw me accross the room onto a hard wood floor, I had mutliple bruises. I never laid a finger on him, and he was not wearing his jacket, it was on a shelf.
My daughter called the police when she saw him throw me, when they came out he heard them and started talking to me VERY nicely, saying "would you please leave me alone? I am trying to be peaceful with you and you are trying to "start something", please stop, I don't want any trouble, please leave me alone" while I was telling him to leave. He had told me that he was "divorced in his heart and free to pursue other women" and I had evidence that he had started. Well...that is my line in the sand, he had to get OUT with that garbage.
The police heard all of that through the window and door (we have a small house) and fell for it that it was my fault. Even though I had not laid a finger on my husband, or threatened him still he had grabbed me and THREW me three times on the hard floor just for trying to pick up his jacket on the shelf, the police told me that I was guilty of "domestic violence" for "starting it". They said "destriction of property" is a form of domestic violence. I said I did nothing to his jacket, and did not threaten to, I had no scissors in my hand, etc. but my husband told them I was "so angry he did not know what I had in mind" SIGH!
I had bruises and welts on my body from hitting the hard floor at such highs speeds so many times and the police said that IF they arrested him then the would HAVE to arrest me too, as we were "both" guilty of domestice violence since I "started it". SIGH! What jerks! My husband is a 6 foot 3 inch tall body builder with 210 pounds of PURE muscle, not an ounce of fat. He sure is strong, he threw me around like I was a rag doll, I hit the floor so hard and fast taht it felt more like the floor jumped up and hit me in the face then falling down.
Well, I am not going to jail for him and losing my job and professional licensure, etc. so I had to suck it up. Not only what he did to me, but the fact that no matter what people say and the hype about domestic violence laws, it is still a man's world and women still can legally be someone's punching bag and it is OK. The police were oh so happy to hear me say that it was OK for my husband to do what he did, and my husband said he "forgave me" for touching his jacket. I know he will reap every seed he has sown one day...
My husband tried that crap on me last year, saying that he wanted a divorce, etc. I cried for six months straight and made a total idiot of myslef to my husband's delight. He was so smug and delighted to see me cry and plead with him for another chance!
I am SO glad I went to counseling and found this place.
Funny how when I dried my tears and straightened up my backbone and filed for divorce MYSELF that he begged for forigiveness...yeah right...JERK!
I only "took him back" (as in agree to cohabitate for a while) for my daugther's sake, for her medical coverage she needs until she gets her own. We have a three year plan for that to happen. Only three more years...I hope I live through it.
Isabela