I am absolutely devastated.  My mother & step father have been married 25 years.  I thought they had the perfect relationship although he does drink.  Last week my mother told me he's been cheating for 20 years. 

So all of this time when I felt like I wasn't successful enough or worthy - all the ominious guilt that ate away at me and all the times I felt suicidal & hopeless --> I am releived to learn it wasn't coming from within me.

But right now all I want to do is rip him to shreds, literally, physically.  This morning I was alone with him & used the opportunity to talk to him (since I found out last Tuesday, I haven't even wanted to look at him. btw  - he's been going to meetings daily since last weekend). I told him for the last 25 years, I idealized him & put his opinion over mine.  I thought he was an honorable person.  He said, "well, I'm not."  I turned away & slammed the door behind me as hard as I could.  After having a major melt down back in my own condo, I called him & said calmly, "let me know when you leave that unit so I can continue to work on the floor in there."

I have always used the program, it helped me to really live in the "now" over the years & I've always made an effort to express myself to everyone.  I don't think my step dad even believes in God.  I know that is by the grace of God I'm alive (as I was saved from suicide twice).  I could not imagine living without the presence of God. 

Thanks for allowing me to share. -k

 Glad to see you back in program!  Keep Coming Back, and while others must find their bottom or fix themselves,  WE must find our TOP!   It's a relief to find out that things are not our fault !   Alcoholism (and some other things)--  we didn't CAUSE it, we cannot CURE it, and we cannot CONTROL it !

Hello kitty,

It sounds to me like you are feeling great betrayal. I am so sorry you hav to go through this. ((((((((((Kitty)))))) hugs for you first of all. You are not alone in this at all. So many marriages fail and infedility does happen. We just don't want it to happen to us and when it does it feels horrible. It helps to remember that we are only human and no one is perfect. We want our pasts to be what we saw it as but we were young and didn't see or understand the things that went on. Forgiveness is such a blessing for us when we are finally able to forgive. Your mom chose to stay with him for some reason and this may be between your step father and your mother. I try hard now not to get my kids in between my husband and mines problems now but didn't use to. It sure is hard to see our parents as people and not as the mom and stepdad we wanted to see or saw. It may help to look at things from an adult perspective and try to nurture that little child inside yourself that may be feeling betrayed now. Keep coming here for support and hang in the best you can. cdb

Kitty,

I assume when you say going to meetings some of them are SLAA, SAA or SA meetings.  My addict is also a recovering sex addict and those meetings really make a difference and also having a good sponsor/support system in the program.  Take care of yourself.

hi Kitty,

Hang in there.  Seems to me that you've already taken positive steps.  Back to Alanon and venting all those feelings.  We feel for you.

yours in alanon,

toto12