I have been in al-anon for a while now. Still trying to work the fourth step.  My spouse is the adult child of an alcoholic. His drug of choice is pot.  Most of the time I can use the program to deal with the highs and lows that come with our relationship. I am finding it almost impossible to practice acceptance, when I am hurt. That is when I know that I have taken the focus off of me and given control of my life to another person.

For about 24 hrs now I have been trying to act as if.  Doing what I would be doing if we were not in crises mode. This morning I just accepted that I am hurt. Have good reason to be. Had a good cry and am going to try and get on with the rest of my day.

Anyone have any suggestions on making this any easier or faster?

HI Judy and welcome

 

I started alanon last July and wanted to get my husband sober.

Instead the alanon program told me to take care of myself.

So I am. I started by riding my bike, I went to festivals and the library and anywhere not to be around my husband when he was drinking

When it was night and I couldn't leave the house (I had no vehicle) then I took long showers to ignore him and his chaos.

I dunno about easy and fast alanon seems to be a slow gentle process of changing our attitudes

 

Sometimes keeping the focus on us is sooooooo difficult, isn't it? There are times that I physically leave the house (like this morning, I went to visit a friend who is in the Program). Sometimes it is mentally checking out and filling my head w/the Serenity Prayer. Or maybe grabbing my book(s) and doing some reading. I have learned to take care of myself in other ways too..not just when in crisis. I get out w/friends, do things I enjoy. It took awhile to get use to being on my own in that sense, but now it is a lifeline for me. Hang in there!

Today I just could not find the tool that let me get a grip on my peace and serenity.  My thoughts  were just obsessive about my spouse and how this latest crises would end.  I finally did just grab my walkman, and head out for a long walk.  Should have done it sooner.  Came back with a much better attitude.  And was able to salvage the rest of the day.  Still hurts like hell. Thanks to my program I was able to feel the pain, acknowledge it, and hopefully move on.

 

Mon. July 25

Dear Judy,

 I can so relate.  This past week has been hell for me too,  I wish there was a faster, easier way toooooooooooooooo.  But their isn't.  I try to look at it this way - the number of years I have been suffering from ACOA, AA (sober now), & Al Anon is a long time - many years actualy.  I can not expect to be healed or recovered in one ot two days - even years.  I just won't happen.  I have had a lifetime of hurt feelings, repressed anger, abuse & stuffed feelings.  If I were to let then out in a short period  time, I would not be able to handle them, Gods way of protectinge & making sure I don't rush & miss a vital part of my recover in all step works.

Hope this helps alittle!!!

Yours in Recovery

Kathy570

Thank you. All the post have helped a lot. It is so easy for me to get discouraged when I cannot just keep moving forward. It helps to be reminded that we all have these not so great times and use their ESH until I can find my way again.