Someone tape me to my chair!!!! I am doing my best to talk myself out of going
to see the A. I have not seen him for many weeks. I don't even know what makes me
want to see him.
Well yes I do. I am so lonely for him. It is so hard to love someone since you were
' a kid, and share life with him all your life, then to just poof let him go.
All the horrible stuff that has happened does not matter to me. I know he does not
love me anymore. The drugs have filled that space now.
I learned on the health channel that the same part of the brain that loves is the part
that is replaced by drugs when someone uses.
Boy is that ever true.
I think about how if I had someone else, I would still want my a husband if he were well.
Not fair to anyone else. I am sure I am not free to remarry anyway.
I never planned to be out here alone. Now I have a sanctuary of animals to care for
by myself. I love it, but my problem is my age. I am finding it harder and harder
to do what I need to do. Even nailing is hard on my hands.
If it is this hard now, yikes. ok day at a time!!!
Well hide my keys, lock the front gate.....crap. I know I am going.
pray it does not hurt.
love,debilyn
Christy said
Jul 24, 2005
Debilyn..
Get back here!!!! LOL
I will pray it doesn't hurt you too..(and that your truck won't start) :)
Christy
(Cjo)
cdb said
Jul 24, 2005
Hello Debilyn,
That is sure interesting what you read about the part of the brain that shows love. If you find any information on that could you email it to me? Free will is so hard for us isn't it. No one but HP and you know the answer to you visiting him. I have no idea what I would do in your shoes. I do know I wouldn't want to bump into mom-in-law again LOL. Well, if it is duct tape you want then it is duct tape you will get. :) your friend, cdb
sanddie said
Jul 24, 2005
Debilyn:
The brain is interesting. In a previous post, I talked about how our brains actually create patterns and grooves that can be viewed after we die showing where our thought pattern was primarily through our life. So if you've always been used to feeling or thinking a certain way, the brain actually digs a rut, so to speak and so then any emotional trigger we have tends to stimulate that part of the brain and our thinking becomes that of where that groove or rut is in our brain. It was fascinating to hear this because it made me realize that alot of times the things I think about is probably more based on my brain being addicted essentially to that thought pattern. For instance, the love I have for my ex A as well. I have my moments and times that I miss him so much. However, I think of the concept of retraining my brain. haha (It kinda seems funny, but it's working) When I begin to think of those special memories and the man I love so deeply in my heart, I immediately FORCE myself to think of the negative times together-- the drinking and pain associated with our time together and essentially it eases my need for him. I suppose what I am doing is retraining my brain to rather than feel those emotions of love for him in a particular groove in my brain that I am creating a new groove that will take me away from that thought.
It is proven that we only use a certain part of our brain mostly throughout our lives and like I mentioned above, when we die if they do an autopsy they can specifically tell what areas we most concentrated on throughout our life based on the number of patterns, ruts or grooves in certain parts of the brain-- so if we were emotional and in love they can view that part of the brain and see that we had those emotions. If we were mathmeticians or chemists, they can see a different part of the brain for controlling that thinking process to show that is what we primarily thought of during our life.
What I find most interesting about this is that it helps me to understand that even though we have our emotions that we think we should easily change when faced with a "trigger" at times, in which our brain actually craves whatever emotion or feeling it is used to that ultimately we can change our thinking by learning to rethink. :) Of course, it takes time to get us out of that rut though... haha
Take Care and hang in there. Just remember, train your brain to turn your thought pattern into another direction and the more that you do it, the easier it becomes because you are physically creating a new pattern in your brain. Having said that it just became clear to me about the concept that is typically stressed in continuing to be repetitive in something we want to accomplish in our lives. Apparently, that must have to do with this entire concept because ultimately if we continue to think a certain way or have a certain behavior it gets easier in time. All because our brain is learning to use a different part of it and so it gets easier to not fall back into the "rut".
I suppose that is why me attending school, working a full time job, starting back at the gym and taking my focus off my ex A is helping me cope so tremendously. I'm using a different part of my brain.
HUGGGGSSSS
-- Edited by sanddie at 08:56, 2005-07-24
sanddie said
Jul 24, 2005
Oh, and by the way.... I'm sure until the brain is retrained, DUCT tape will work. <throwing the duct tape at you> hehe
-- Edited by sanddie at 08:59, 2005-07-24
Jill said
Jul 24, 2005
Dear Debilyn, You will be OK whether you go or not. If you find yourself at his doorstep, consider it getting it out of your system. If it's what you do to regain your equilibrium, that's it. No biggie. Take care... Jill
megan said
Jul 24, 2005
HI Debilyn
You have some great replies and I need to read them too.
I need the duct tape too.
I have a very bad habit to go see my A.
My good friend Becky said I need to see him less as now I am getting a divorce and that is true.
She said what was I going to do every day, check up on everyone in my life? I would never get anything done if I spent all my time checking up on people.
I hope that things go okay for you.
TLC2 said
Jul 24, 2005
Wishin and hopin and prayin for you Debilyn, Love ya! TLC
kathy570 said
Jul 25, 2005
Mon. July 25,
Dear Debilyn,
Right On !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I will go buy some ducktape becasue I could sure us it this week!
Thanks for the idea.
Yours in Recovery
Kathy570
melanieL said
Jul 25, 2005
Honey I know exactly what you mean, been really trying hard not to have contact with my ex-a but the more i dont speak or see him the more anxious i become to the point where I am beside myself with anxiety and feeling really low. Then when I cannt control myself any longer i pick up the phone and dial that number just to hear his voice , knowing full well what he has got to say is going to upset me somehow. HOW SAD AND PATHETIC IS THAT!!!
Hello Debilyn,
That is sure interesting what you read about the part of the brain that shows love. If you find any information on that could you email it to me? Free will is so hard for us isn't it. No one but HP and you know the answer to you visiting him. I have no idea what I would do in your shoes. I do know I wouldn't want to bump into mom-in-law again LOL. Well, if it is duct tape you want then it is duct tape you will get. :) your friend, cdb
Debilyn:
The brain is interesting. In a previous post, I talked about how our brains actually create patterns and grooves that can be viewed after we die showing where our thought pattern was primarily through our life. So if you've always been used to feeling or thinking a certain way, the brain actually digs a rut, so to speak and so then any emotional trigger we have tends to stimulate that part of the brain and our thinking becomes that of where that groove or rut is in our brain. It was fascinating to hear this because it made me realize that alot of times the things I think about is probably more based on my brain being addicted essentially to that thought pattern. For instance, the love I have for my ex A as well. I have my moments and times that I miss him so much. However, I think of the concept of retraining my brain. haha (It kinda seems funny, but it's working) When I begin to think of those special memories and the man I love so deeply in my heart, I immediately FORCE myself to think of the negative times together-- the drinking and pain associated with our time together and essentially it eases my need for him. I suppose what I am doing is retraining my brain to rather than feel those emotions of love for him in a particular groove in my brain that I am creating a new groove that will take me away from that thought.
It is proven that we only use a certain part of our brain mostly throughout our lives and like I mentioned above, when we die if they do an autopsy they can specifically tell what areas we most concentrated on throughout our life based on the number of patterns, ruts or grooves in certain parts of the brain-- so if we were emotional and in love they can view that part of the brain and see that we had those emotions. If we were mathmeticians or chemists, they can see a different part of the brain for controlling that thinking process to show that is what we primarily thought of during our life.
What I find most interesting about this is that it helps me to understand that even though we have our emotions that we think we should easily change when faced with a "trigger" at times, in which our brain actually craves whatever emotion or feeling it is used to that ultimately we can change our thinking by learning to rethink. :) Of course, it takes time to get us out of that rut though... haha
Take Care and hang in there. Just remember, train your brain to turn your thought pattern into another direction and the more that you do it, the easier it becomes because you are physically creating a new pattern in your brain. Having said that it just became clear to me about the concept that is typically stressed in continuing to be repetitive in something we want to accomplish in our lives. Apparently, that must have to do with this entire concept because ultimately if we continue to think a certain way or have a certain behavior it gets easier in time. All because our brain is learning to use a different part of it and so it gets easier to not fall back into the "rut".
I suppose that is why me attending school, working a full time job, starting back at the gym and taking my focus off my ex A is helping me cope so tremendously. I'm using a different part of my brain.
HUGGGGSSSS
-- Edited by sanddie at 08:56, 2005-07-24
-- Edited by sanddie at 08:59, 2005-07-24
HI Debilyn
You have some great replies and I need to read them too.
I need the duct tape too.
I have a very bad habit to go see my A.
My good friend Becky said I need to see him less as now I am getting a divorce and that is true.
She said what was I going to do every day, check up on everyone in my life? I would never get anything done if I spent all my time checking up on people.
I hope that things go okay for you.
Mon. July 25,
Dear Debilyn,
Right On !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I will go buy some ducktape becasue I could sure us it this week!
Thanks for the idea.
Yours in Recovery
Kathy570
Honey I know exactly what you mean, been really trying hard not to have contact with my ex-a but the more i dont speak or see him the more anxious i become to the point where I am beside myself with anxiety and feeling really low. Then when I cannt control myself any longer i pick up the phone and dial that number just to hear his voice , knowing full well what he has got to say is going to upset me somehow. HOW SAD AND PATHETIC IS THAT!!!