Hi this is my first time posting.  I've been with my husband for almost 11 years now, married just over 4 and he is an alcoholic.  He is finally realizing that he needs help, he was taken to the hospital last Wednesday because of his drinking and we (his parents and I) were trying to get him into inpatient or outpatient treatment.  He had a bac of .468, the doctors said he could've died, I think that might have been a wake-up call to him (but I've said that before).  His main vice is Vodka, sometimes a liter a day.  He used to be such a great person and now this disease has just overcome him, he's such a nag, complains about everything imaginable and it's really driving me nuts.  He hasn't had a drop of vodka since Wednesday, he did have a few beers over the weekend which I was fine with because it won't get him drunk but now that he is sober all he has done is bitch, bitch, bitch.  I have a teenage son (his step-son) and all he talks about now is stuff he does wrong or stuff he doesn't do.  Is this normal for people that quit drinking, I don't know how to deal with all of this.  I think I'm emotionally drained from all of his drinking and things that go on when he drinks but now that he's sober I thought things would get better (but they haven't yet).  I just need someone to talk to and figure out how to deal with all of this. 

Thanks for your input.  I'm glad to see I'm not alone.  I was reading some posts before I decided to join and I'm amazed that we all seem to be going through the same stuff.

Welcome Kristi!  Glad you found AlAnon.

 

I can totally relate. Mine also drank vodka. But dont think beer is safe. it will jsut take more of it to get him drunk than the vodka did.  he WILL be able to get drunk on beer. Switching one alcohol for another is still drinking. the only way to quit it to detox it all from the system and not put any back in. You said you TRIED to get him into a treatment center.  were you successful? I do hope so. it sounds liek he totally does need help.

 

As far as the grouchiness when not drinking.YES-YES-YES! That's very normal...not a happy state to live with but totally expected.  You see that is called a dry drunk. When a person is not drinking, they still ahve the behaviors that make them addicted. They do get grouchy. What can be changed? Until he decides he WANTS to change, nothing much can be done for him. If he decides he's ready to change, he can get into treatment, stop drinking totally, and then start changing HIMSELF. That is often done by going to alot of AA meetings each week, getting a sponsor and working on himself. Thjat's how he can change his grouchiness.

meanwhile YOU can change too. You can get involved in alanon, work YOUR steps with YOUR sponsor and learn things like detachment, serenity prayer, slogans, leting go, etc.  I highly suggest buying any of the three daily readers they ahve at your local AlAnon meeting. They ahve wonderful info in them that you can read when you are not in a good space. They are about $10 each and well worth it.

best of luck to you! Please know, millions of us have been right were you are. And we ahve come out on the other side, much happier and at peace.

LIN

Yep, we've all been there. It is a disease, with symptoms that are similar for all sufferers. Here's a link that you may find helpful: http://www.minnesotarecovery.info/literature/drydrunk.htm it's about the 'dry drunk' syndrome. I hope that he gets into some program, but even if he doesn't, you can. You can find serenity whether he is drinking or not. There are many links on this site to alanon meetings in your area, and we have meetings here. And, of course, you are welcome to this board. You're in the right place.

Hi silver,

You sound alot like me with my A for 12 years married Five.  Vodka was his drink.  Did detox then started back with just a few beers.  Then more beers then back to vodka by the second week.  Detox two more time then said enough.  You said that beer was fine with you.  To get sober he has to quit it all.  Hopeful it wil come with time.  And yes they are not to fun to live with at first.(dry Drunk). 

Well I'm glad you found us. Please keep coming.  yu are not alone we have all been though it.  Post with as many question as you want or even if you just need to vent.  this site is for you not him.  Time to take care of you not the A.

nikkilou ((((((((((((silver))))))))))<- thats a big hug just for you

 

Hello Silver , glad you posted here today,most A's are very negative people see nothing good in anything or anyone and unfortuatley we often get that way too. and your husb hasn't quit drinking yet , vodka or beer it is all the same  stuff , my husb became a cronic alcoholic and never drank anything except beer.

I hope that u will try and find some al anon meetings in your area they will change your life for the better and there is also a prog for your teenager called alateen, which is sponsored by Al-Anon members he will find teens like himself that he can relate too, and understand that he is not the only one going thru th is stuff. your son needs to know that this is not his fault that n othing he does will stop his dad from drinking.  Hope ufind some meetings quickly and good luck

Louise

Welsome Siverhusk,

I too am new here and read alot of the post to give me guidence at getting started.  I am also a recovering A but my husband is still active.  I know about being a grough and being on the receiving end also.

Alcohol is Alcohol - Addiction is addiction.  No booze is the only way to get sober.  I drank for almost 35 years, I'm 48 now.  After I quit drinking i substituted with shopping and lottery.  Its is all the same - it is addictive behavior.  Having a few beer is kind of like  - being a little pregnant.  You either drink or you don't drink, pregnant or not pregnant.  There is no middle.

I get alot of hope and inspiration from the posts and reading.  Being a recovering A, I STRONGLY recommend getting a AA Big Book or Blue Book.  The more you can read about how & why A's behave the better it will be for you.  Go to AA open meetings and listen to the speakers.  I am in recovery & still ask why???  It will help alot.  This is only my opinion.

All the best, keep posting & reading, it does get better but in our Higher Powers time NOT ours.

Stay strong & be good to yourself

Yours in Recovery

Kathy570

Thank you everyone for your responses.

I know that him having a few beers isn't the best thing for him to do but for the moment I was happy it wasn't vodka, I think it would take him a whole case to get drunk, his tolerance is so high right now.

Lin - We wanted him to go right to treatment from the hospital but I guess that is not the way it works, he needs to have an assessment and then from there they tell him if he should do inpatient or outpatient.  He made a phone call yesterday to an outpatient program though.  Several different places have said it may take two weeks before he can get in anywhere.

Someone also made a comment about A's only seeing the bad and being negative.  Yes that is the way he is right now, not always but just seems like he nitpicks everything.  He never used to be like that, that's what is frustrating.

I'm finally realizing that this is a disease and not his choice.  I used to get so angry and upset because he wouldn't stop drinking (for me), thinking that he loved vodka more than me, chosing to get drunk instead of spendin time with me but now I realize how this disease has overcome him and it's not my fault.

Thanks again.  I'm very glad to have someone to talk to.

Kristi