I cried again today, let my stinking thinking take over, and I cried again today. You know after years of living with active alcoholism, even when it was staring me in the face I accepted it as a "normal" part of living, and never really felt concerned until the last few years as the disease it seemed progressed overnight. I always envisioned an A, a filthy , rag-tag type of derelict etc, such as many of us did, someone who slept in streets, and had no job etc. To be in so much denial that the person who slept in the warm bed beside me the man I married, the man who went to work everyday, to be an A, was most unconcievable to me. Looking back at how many times I said,,shhhhh to the children your father is tired, when in reality he was passed out from drinking, to his family and friends who called and I said he was tired from working, when he was passed out etc.........how blind I truly was. Ignorance on my part, to accept and deny what was truly real staring me infront of my face. To accept that a loved one has a serious drinking problem has halted me from accepting myself and my role in all of this. Today I look back, and yet the A has left over 2 years ago, to persue his life of the "drink",,this disease still inflicts pain and confusion on me. It tears at my heart and yanks at my emotions, as I struggle to survive day to day, dealing with lawyers, my finances, my health, my recovery from the adverse effects this disease has on me and my family. Pushing forward each day, trying to make sense of what has happened gets overwhelming ,,and so today I cried, I cried for the man I love, and what we could have had, I cried for myself "when am I going to find peace?" So I cried today, and I let the tears fall, as they have so many times before.,,gardengal
abbyal said
Jul 15, 2005
Hi GG , am sorry your having a bad day , it's ok to cry,remember that tears heal. You will be ok just keep looking after you. Your doing so good I am so proud of the changes u have made in the last few yrs that we have been chatting. You have alot of courage and have learned to stand up for your rights. and that is a gift. This Too Shall Pass . one day at time u will recover and be happy again. that is a promise that al anon makes to each and everyone of us . One step at a time u will find peace of mind again. Louise (hugs)
PS we really do need to make plans for lunch , soon. Maybe u could take the ferry to Ft Langley I hear they have a great restaurant there Lamplighter? You have my phone number let me know what would be a good day for you . Louise
afglin said
Jul 15, 2005
Hi Garden gal. I'm sorry you are sad today, but I sure can relate.
I too have witmnessed the man i love change in what seemed like overnight from a strong, hard working man to a passed out most of the time alcoholic. I too have covered it up saying he was TIRED. It was not he's drunk or has a hangover, but he does nto feel well or he's tired
crying jsut means you a re compassionate. You see that he's killing himself and you ate to watch it. That's very normal.
I am better about it today bexcause I realize it's a disease. Taht helped me understand and cope with it all much better.
hang in there! Many of us ahve been right where you are and gotten thru it.
LIN
TLC2 said
Jul 15, 2005
So many of us cry with you GG, for the lost love, lost life, lost dreams. It is a horrible disease. I am praying for you, that you will find happiness and serenity. You are strong, you can make it. It doesn't mean you can't cry, tears will help you heal. Love, TLC
holly123 said
Jul 15, 2005
(((((GG))))))))
I am so sorry you are feeling sad, hang in there, I truly understand and relate.
Keep coming back.
Love Ya
Holly
cloud said
Jul 16, 2005
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((GG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Crying is good sometimes and You hunnie should never feel it isn't We love you and I hope today is better for you. May you recover from the hurt we all have in common it is so hard I know for me too since I live with my husband through 14 yrs of this disease, watching all that has happened, all we are both trying to recover from and praying for serenity and my (((david)) his sobriety ODAT You always have such great wisdom and words listen to yourself when that ole stinky thinking comes and remember (((gg))) we are all beside you along with HP we love you!!!!!!!!! love cloud
gardengal said
Jul 16, 2005
Reaching out for help, and for me putting it in words, seems to heal. Thank you all for responding, today is another day, and I feel ok. At times of need and the yearning to share, it is always so great to be able to come here and share. Even for a person, like me, who has been in alanon for over 5 years, still the pain survives deep in my heart and soul. However with the compassion and the help of other alanon people, things are so much easier to deal with the "stinking thinking" arrives, and easier to let it go. Thanks for all for the kind words and understanding, which each and everyone here needs no matter how long we have been in the program, we are human, we cry, we feel, we hurt, thanks for validating that...................gardengal
Jeannie said
Jul 16, 2005
((((((((((Gardengal)))))))))))
Glad you are feeling better. Crying is not a bad thing, it helps us to heal and feelings don't go away, they are a part of us and keep surfacing.
Hi GG , am sorry your having a bad day , it's ok to cry,remember that tears heal. You will be ok just keep looking after you. Your doing so good I am so proud of the changes u have made in the last few yrs that we have been chatting. You have alot of courage and have learned to stand up for your rights. and that is a gift. This Too Shall Pass . one day at time u will recover and be happy again. that is a promise that al anon makes to each and everyone of us . One step at a time u will find peace of mind again. Louise (hugs)
PS we really do need to make plans for lunch , soon. Maybe u could take the ferry to Ft Langley I hear they have a great restaurant there Lamplighter? You have my phone number let me know what would be a good day for you . Louise
Hi Garden gal. I'm sorry you are sad today, but I sure can relate.
I too have witmnessed the man i love change in what seemed like overnight from a strong, hard working man to a passed out most of the time alcoholic. I too have covered it up saying he was TIRED. It was not he's drunk or has a hangover, but he does nto feel well or he's tired
crying jsut means you a re compassionate. You see that he's killing himself and you ate to watch it. That's very normal.
I am better about it today bexcause I realize it's a disease. Taht helped me understand and cope with it all much better.
hang in there! Many of us ahve been right where you are and gotten thru it.
LIN
(((((GG))))))))
I am so sorry you are feeling sad, hang in there, I truly understand and relate.
Keep coming back.
Love Ya
Holly
((((((((((Gardengal)))))))))))
Glad you are feeling better. Crying is not a bad thing, it helps us to heal and feelings don't go away, they are a part of us and keep surfacing.
You are doing great.
Love Jeannie
I cry too--alot. How could we not cry?
God bless you.
mom to 2