So I was looking forward to Saturday and Sunday as relaxing days since my A is going fishing with his buddy.
Now the phone call comes wanting to know if I have plans....not really but why does he want to know. He has decided to take our new SUV on his trip. Of course this is just not acceptable to me. He drinks and drives on a regular basis. He and his buddy have "to go" cups. I try to explain that if he, at the least, gets a DUI. They impound the vehicle I use for work etc. I am the one that will have to figure out how to get it out of impound etc. how to pay fines, attorneys etc. He is convinced that because I work at a treatment agency that is why I feel this way. I try to explain no, it's because I am getting healthy and some things just are not acceptable, please respect my boundries, my feelings, and recongize how your actions could affect my life.
I am so not wanting to go home after work today......
TLC2 said
Jul 15, 2005
AWWW, I know how you feel, but please try to stick to your boundaries. Does he work? Did HE pay for the suv? Will HE suffer if he screws up and loses it? You know how they are when drinking, everything they want to do is ok. There is no such thing as common sense.
I drove my A around everywhere he wanted to go because he smashed himself, and me, up in an accident while drinking and driving, and wrote off the truck! Then, a year or so later lost his license for DUI, and good ole sucker me... NEVER AGAIN!!!!
Good luck, friend!! Love, TLC
marmare said
Jul 15, 2005
The last three years I have a drove a car, that he bought for me......so he said, our credit was so horrible that we could only put his name on it. Of course whenever there was a fight he would threaten me with taking the car since it had his name on it. Now he is driving that car, we bought the SUV for me, it has both our names on it and both of us work.
I just know when he returns from his Friday night out at the bar tonight, there will be a fight, all about how selfish I am being and then he will take the car anyway.
afglin said
Jul 15, 2005
I can so relate to your post mary. Mine woudl want to take the newest car and i'd always worry that he'd smash it or get it impounded for a DUI. I finally put down my foot. I told him he could wreck HIS car if he wanted when he was drinking, but he was not gonna wreck MINE. We both worked and both had vehicles. Then it got to where I always drove because he was always so messed up on booze and or pills. Now that he's straight, he drives more often, but it feels funny that I'm not drinving. He does not scare me like he did there for a while, so i dont mind riding with him.
Stick to your guns. And I do hope you enjoy your weekend of peace and wuiet while he's away with his buddies.
LIN
isabela40 said
Jul 15, 2005
Why don't you just not come home from work with the SUV when he is planning on going?
Go out to eat, go to the library, visit a friend, go shopping, avoid the confrontation. If you are not there with the SUV then he will probably just take his car (hopefully) when it is time to go. Since he is traveling with friends, they probably will urge him to just take his car and not wait HOURS for you and then ruin their plans.
Learn to be UNRELIABLE when it comes to serving his needs. Do you always come right home after work? Is your schedule like clockwork? Try not to be so regimented, that he knows when to expect you so he can make plans for "your" car and knows when it will be available. Get used to doing many different things after work so he never knows when you are coming home.
If you have a cell phone, let the battery go dead so he can't call you, let it go dead periodically so he is always off guard and never knows when you are avoiding him, or the phone is dead.
Make your SUV embarrassing for men to be seen in. Put lots and lots of frilly cutesy stuffed animals in the rearview mirror, put lipstick stickers on the windows, spray perfume all over the seats and carpet, gets lots of "woman's issues" bumper stickers.
If I had a car and did this my husband would rather die than be seen driving it.
Just what I would do...
Isabela
Idealsummerluv said
Jul 16, 2005
Hope things worked out.
We need to take care of ourselves.
Especially when other people are NOT looking out for our best interests.
So I was looking forward to Saturday and Sunday as relaxing days since my A is going fishing with his buddy.
Now the phone call comes wanting to know if I have plans....not really but why does he want to know. He has decided to take our new SUV on his trip. Of course this is just not acceptable to me. He drinks and drives on a regular basis. He and his buddy have "to go" cups. I try to explain that if he, at the least, gets a DUI. They impound the vehicle I use for work etc. I am the one that will have to figure out how to get it out of impound etc. how to pay fines, attorneys etc. He is convinced that because I work at a treatment agency that is why I feel this way. I try to explain no, it's because I am getting healthy and some things just are not acceptable, please respect my boundries, my feelings, and recongize how your actions could affect my life.
I am so not wanting to go home after work today......
AWWW, I know how you feel, but please try to stick to your boundaries. Does he work? Did HE pay for the suv? Will HE suffer if he screws up and loses it? You know how they are when drinking, everything they want to do is ok. There is no such thing as common sense.
I drove my A around everywhere he wanted to go because he smashed himself, and me, up in an accident while drinking and driving, and wrote off the truck! Then, a year or so later lost his license for DUI, and good ole sucker me... NEVER AGAIN!!!!
Good luck, friend!! Love, TLC
The last three years I have a drove a car, that he bought for me......so he said, our credit was so horrible that we could only put his name on it. Of course whenever there was a fight he would threaten me with taking the car since it had his name on it. Now he is driving that car, we bought the SUV for me, it has both our names on it and both of us work.
I just know when he returns from his Friday night out at the bar tonight, there will be a fight, all about how selfish I am being and then he will take the car anyway.
I can so relate to your post mary. Mine woudl want to take the newest car and i'd always worry that he'd smash it or get it impounded for a DUI. I finally put down my foot. I told him he could wreck HIS car if he wanted when he was drinking, but he was not gonna wreck MINE. We both worked and both had vehicles. Then it got to where I always drove because he was always so messed up on booze and or pills. Now that he's straight, he drives more often, but it feels funny that I'm not drinving. He does not scare me like he did there for a while, so i dont mind riding with him.
Stick to your guns. And I do hope you enjoy your weekend of peace and wuiet while he's away with his buddies.
LIN
Why don't you just not come home from work with the SUV when he is planning on going?
Go out to eat, go to the library, visit a friend, go shopping, avoid the confrontation. If you are not there with the SUV then he will probably just take his car (hopefully) when it is time to go. Since he is traveling with friends, they probably will urge him to just take his car and not wait HOURS for you and then ruin their plans.
Learn to be UNRELIABLE when it comes to serving his needs. Do you always come right home after work? Is your schedule like clockwork? Try not to be so regimented, that he knows when to expect you so he can make plans for "your" car and knows when it will be available. Get used to doing many different things after work so he never knows when you are coming home.
If you have a cell phone, let the battery go dead so he can't call you, let it go dead periodically so he is always off guard and never knows when you are avoiding him, or the phone is dead.
Make your SUV embarrassing for men to be seen in. Put lots and lots of frilly cutesy stuffed animals in the rearview mirror, put lipstick stickers on the windows, spray perfume all over the seats and carpet, gets lots of "woman's issues" bumper stickers.
If I had a car and did this my husband would rather die than be seen driving it.
Just what I would do...
Isabela
Hope things worked out.
We need to take care of ourselves.
Especially when other people are NOT looking out for our best interests.