I just don't know how to feel. With the passing of my A mother i am sad and mad. I don't know if I belong here because after going through her house i am led to believe she may have had a mental illness. Do i know if the mental illness caused the alcoholism or the alcohol caused the severe depression. Does it really matter. I just would like to know that she is no longer in pain and is with her boyfriend who also died of alcoholism. I don't know what to think or to feel. I guess i am just so overwhelmed with having to get everything in order and all. I just feel like crying and yelling at the same time. I still can't get past the thought that i didn't do enough to help her. How do i accept the fact that she is gone and that she will no longer be able to change and participate in any type of relationship.
With these questions do I belong in Alanon I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for all the love and support that this board has shown to me.
Laura
agatha said
Jul 14, 2005
((((Laura))))
You are definitely in the right place. I am so sorry to hear of you mother's passing and your lost relationship. If you keep coming back you will come to realize you probably did everything you could have for her. There is only so much we can control and that's ourselves. All of us here know what it is like to love an alcoholic whether it is our parent, spouse, child, or friend.
Keep coming back.
Agatha
Idealsummerluv said
Jul 15, 2005
Please be really gentle with yourself at this time and keep coming back.
melanieL said
Jul 15, 2005
Hi, My Mother as an alcoholic also and she died in a road accident 10 years ago when I was 24yrs old. I did not know at the time she was alcoholic it was just normal to me , I thought all Mothers were like that. I have many unanswered questions where she is concerned and sometimes you have to accept that somethings you will never have answers for. I have lots of things I would have liked to have said to her and didnt and lots of stuff I would have liked to ask her and didnt. But I know she is now at peace and not struggling anymore. Time does heal the pain, but it doesnot erase memories. I still miss her even now and think of her everyday.
This i certainly the place for you, it has helped me face a lot of stuff from my past that I just didnt understand and buried. Keep coming back its where u belong
marmare said
Jul 15, 2005
On my roughest days, when the thoughts of the first marriage to an A and now this marriage to an A, I try to remind myself of the "First Step" I am coming to believe that this is the perfect place for all of us affected by anyone's addiction.
Hang in there, Hugs Mary
TLC2 said
Jul 15, 2005
Yes, I certainly feel that this is the right place for you. As you Begin to understand the A, you will find that there was nothing you could have done to change her. You couldn't control it, couldn't cure it, and you certainly didn't cause it (The 3 C's) very important in your recovery.
Just cherish the good memories you have of her, and give her up to your HP. She is at peace now, picture her smiling down on you, watching over you and your loved ones. When I found my beyond-my-dreams home, I felt that my Mom must have tapped HP on the shoulder.
Don't torture yourself with woulda, shoulda, coulda. It only hurts. Love in the program, TLC
I just don't know how to feel. With the passing of my A mother i am sad and mad. I don't know if I belong here because after going through her house i am led to believe she may have had a mental illness. Do i know if the mental illness caused the alcoholism or the alcohol caused the severe depression. Does it really matter. I just would like to know that she is no longer in pain and is with her boyfriend who also died of alcoholism. I don't know what to think or to feel. I guess i am just so overwhelmed with having to get everything in order and all. I just feel like crying and yelling at the same time. I still can't get past the thought that i didn't do enough to help her. How do i accept the fact that she is gone and that she will no longer be able to change and participate in any type of relationship.
With these questions do I belong in Alanon I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for all the love and support that this board has shown to me.
Laura
((((Laura))))
You are definitely in the right place. I am so sorry to hear of you mother's passing and your lost relationship. If you keep coming back you will come to realize you probably did everything you could have for her. There is only so much we can control and that's ourselves. All of us here know what it is like to love an alcoholic whether it is our parent, spouse, child, or friend.
Keep coming back.
Agatha
Hi, My Mother as an alcoholic also and she died in a road accident 10 years ago when I was 24yrs old. I did not know at the time she was alcoholic it was just normal to me , I thought all Mothers were like that. I have many unanswered questions where she is concerned and sometimes you have to accept that somethings you will never have answers for. I have lots of things I would have liked to have said to her and didnt and lots of stuff I would have liked to ask her and didnt. But I know she is now at peace and not struggling anymore. Time does heal the pain, but it doesnot erase memories. I still miss her even now and think of her everyday.
This i certainly the place for you, it has helped me face a lot of stuff from my past that I just didnt understand and buried. Keep coming back its where u belong
On my roughest days, when the thoughts of the first marriage to an A and now this marriage to an A, I try to remind myself of the "First Step" I am coming to believe that this is the perfect place for all of us affected by anyone's addiction.
Hang in there, Hugs Mary
Yes, I certainly feel that this is the right place for you. As you Begin to understand the A, you will find that there was nothing you could have done to change her. You couldn't control it, couldn't cure it, and you certainly didn't cause it (The 3 C's) very important in your recovery.
Just cherish the good memories you have of her, and give her up to your HP. She is at peace now, picture her smiling down on you, watching over you and your loved ones. When I found my beyond-my-dreams home, I felt that my Mom must have tapped HP on the shoulder.
Don't torture yourself with woulda, shoulda, coulda. It only hurts. Love in the program, TLC