Today is the first day of the rest of my life. My ex-a (husband of 12 years who i divorced 3 years ago after he left for another women) , who I have been having an on off relationship with for past 7 months and supporting him in his sobriety, told me last night that whilst he was at the AA convention in Canada for 10 days he met someone he really connected with (we are in the UK), and wants now to move to Canada , as he really likes her and found the whole experience really spiritual. He is in constant touch with this women apparently. Well good luck to her, she will need plenty of it! She is well and truly welcome to him. I have finally had enough and am getting off the merry go round. I intend to stop all contact with him , unless its absolutely necessary (we have 3 children). Detatch Detach Detach big time now.
debilyn said
Jul 13, 2005
Good for you girl!! Yep when we have had enough we know it huh? You will do fine.
Life is very hard, but you will find how very, very resiliant you are. I know you will
accomplish whatever you want.
I pray for you to never look back. love,debilyn
Belongtome said
Jul 13, 2005
(((((((((((((Melanie)))))))))))))) My heart goes out to you today.
There just comes a time when decisions are taken out of our hand. Perhaps, thats a sign to move on?
Take what you've learned in the program, and apply it to building your own future. You're right about wishing her luck. Many years ago, there was a song that said, "If you love a man who takes the ring off his hand, then turns around and says he'll be true, then he deserves you". I think that could be applied to him and her.
Good luck to you, G
wallsal55 said
Jul 13, 2005
Kinda goes back to taking the booze out of a horse thief, and you still have a thief. He probably connected with her alright, and will again with someone else---weeks, months, or years down the road. Seems like it's his pattern. Glad to hear you are determined to take care of You! : )
dori said
Jul 13, 2005
hi,
(((((((((((melanie)))))))))))))))000 my heart goes out to you , would you mind if I pray for you i been there and it hurts so bad you cant breathe i understand you did all the work and now she gets the pudding quess what one day he will do the same to her ..
scampy said
Jul 13, 2005
The same thing happened to me about 4 years ago, and now the man is in my house again! I just can't believe it; however, I am beginning to pray now about it, and I know that God will help me do the right thing, both for him, and for me (and my 2 kittens). Anyhow, after I got over the hideous pain from the divorce in 1999 (took about 2 years), I felt FABULOUS! To get into this mess again shows me that I still have work to do.
I know you will be okay. You have a wonderful God, and a wonderful Program to assist you in your NEW life.
Good luck.
Scampy
Jill said
Jul 13, 2005
MelanieL - hang in there. I secretly think when most couples break up, one of them wants to get back together while the other one does not, then the other one does but the first one does not, etc. For most couples, the wanting to reunite just doesn't happen to both people at the same time. For others, it does. Lots of us feel like it, even though it doesn't always get so visible to others. You're still you , the wonderful woman who felt so good after you adjusted from your divorce. In my strong moments, I realize it really doesn't matter whether my A drinks or not, whether i'm with him (or anyone else) or alone, I am my one companion through life. I am whom I invest in, so that I can like me. The rest is just peripheral. Don't think I'm blowing smoke, I live with an active A, and you can see me land in the chatroom or on the message board devestated from time to time. Both are true: I'm ok and sometimes I'm affected by someone else's behavior more than I like. The promise of alanon is that we can find happiness and serenity regardless of ... well, regardless. Jill
melanieL said
Jul 14, 2005
Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. Still feel a bit fragile but like the saying goes "this to shall pass" What would we all do without our slogans lol!. Thank you Dori any prayers would be greatly appreciated. Love to you all.
kathy570 said
Jul 14, 2005
Dear Dori,
I am not sure what happened the other day but please do not leave.... I like reading your post and find them very helpful. I am new to Al Anon & ACOA but have been a recovering A for almost 4 years.
I can really relate to you. When I was in treatment to get sober in Oct 01, my husband (active A still) sent me a note saying he had found someone else. I was devested even though I had a gut feeling there was someone else. How could he do this to me while I was in treatment to better myself. In hindsight it was the best thing he could have done for my - because I started looking after ME!
Last Oct, he came in after dropping off our 17 years old daughter & wanted to talk. He was almost in tears and said All the things I wanted to hear, I love you, I'm sorry for cheaing, I want you back, I will cut back on my drinking, it will be better, etc., etc., etc.
I fell hook, line & sinker. We got back together, bought a house & moved back in Apr. 30/05. I am beating myself up becasue everyone says I should have known better than to believe him. I do love him & really want this to work but unless he gets sober I am not sure if it will. Things are the exact same as 4 years ago.
The only thing I can say right now is that by moving here, I have found counciling for the first time. There was little where I lived & a 4 yers waiting list for most stuff. Here I have found Al Anon & ACOA (together). I kind of think that was God way to getting me help. Or am I folling myself??? I honestly do not know. I only know, that there is more help for me here and I have full intention of taking advantage of it.
I know the convention that your went to - it was the World Convention held here in Toronto, Ontario - about 45 minutes from me. I would have given anything to go to that but could not get the nerve to ask my A for the money!!! That is also a big problem that I am struggling with, he has all the money and has a hard time giving me any. Most times I feel I have to beg for it and that brings up alot of ACOA issues for me.
I keep praying and remember the slogans. I am just starting my steps for ACOA ^ Al Anon but I know they will be of great help to me.
Keep strong, Do the Do's and I think in a short time you will see him crawling back. At the conventions they are very emotional & powerful. He will soon learn, as she will, that a 3 1/2 day convention does not make for a good relationship, neither does 10 days.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. My ex-a (husband of 12 years who i divorced 3 years ago after he left for another women) , who I have been having an on off relationship with for past 7 months and supporting him in his sobriety, told me last night that whilst he was at the AA convention in Canada for 10 days he met someone he really connected with (we are in the UK), and wants now to move to Canada , as he really likes her and found the whole experience really spiritual. He is in constant touch with this women apparently. Well good luck to her, she will need plenty of it! She is well and truly welcome to him. I have finally had enough and am getting off the merry go round. I intend to stop all contact with him , unless its absolutely necessary (we have 3 children). Detatch Detach Detach big time now.
(((((((((((((Melanie)))))))))))))) My heart goes out to you today.
There just comes a time when decisions are taken out of our hand. Perhaps, thats a sign to move on?
Take what you've learned in the program, and apply it to building your own future. You're right about wishing her luck. Many years ago, there was a song that said, "If you love a man who takes the ring off his hand, then turns around and says he'll be true, then he deserves you". I think that could be applied to him and her.
Good luck to you, G
hi,
(((((((((((melanie)))))))))))))))000 my heart goes out to you , would you mind if I pray for you i been there and it hurts so bad you cant breathe i understand you did all the work and now she gets the pudding quess what one day he will do the same to her ..
MelanieL - hang in there. I secretly think when most couples break up, one of them wants to get back together while the other one does not, then the other one does but the first one does not, etc. For most couples, the wanting to reunite just doesn't happen to both people at the same time. For others, it does. Lots of us feel like it, even though it doesn't always get so visible to others. You're still you , the wonderful woman who felt so good after you adjusted from your divorce. In my strong moments, I realize it really doesn't matter whether my A drinks or not, whether i'm with him (or anyone else) or alone, I am my one companion through life. I am whom I invest in, so that I can like me. The rest is just peripheral. Don't think I'm blowing smoke, I live with an active A, and you can see me land in the chatroom or on the message board devestated from time to time. Both are true: I'm ok and sometimes I'm affected by someone else's behavior more than I like. The promise of alanon is that we can find happiness and serenity regardless of ... well, regardless. Jill
Dear Dori,
I am not sure what happened the other day but please do not leave.... I like reading your post and find them very helpful. I am new to Al Anon & ACOA but have been a recovering A for almost 4 years.
I can really relate to you. When I was in treatment to get sober in Oct 01, my husband (active A still) sent me a note saying he had found someone else. I was devested even though I had a gut feeling there was someone else. How could he do this to me while I was in treatment to better myself. In hindsight it was the best thing he could have done for my - because I started looking after ME!
Last Oct, he came in after dropping off our 17 years old daughter & wanted to talk. He was almost in tears and said All the things I wanted to hear, I love you, I'm sorry for cheaing, I want you back, I will cut back on my drinking, it will be better, etc., etc., etc.
I fell hook, line & sinker. We got back together, bought a house & moved back in Apr. 30/05. I am beating myself up becasue everyone says I should have known better than to believe him. I do love him & really want this to work but unless he gets sober I am not sure if it will. Things are the exact same as 4 years ago.
The only thing I can say right now is that by moving here, I have found counciling for the first time. There was little where I lived & a 4 yers waiting list for most stuff. Here I have found Al Anon & ACOA (together). I kind of think that was God way to getting me help. Or am I folling myself??? I honestly do not know. I only know, that there is more help for me here and I have full intention of taking advantage of it.
I know the convention that your went to - it was the World Convention held here in Toronto, Ontario - about 45 minutes from me. I would have given anything to go to that but could not get the nerve to ask my A for the money!!! That is also a big problem that I am struggling with, he has all the money and has a hard time giving me any. Most times I feel I have to beg for it and that brings up alot of ACOA issues for me.
I keep praying and remember the slogans. I am just starting my steps for ACOA ^ Al Anon but I know they will be of great help to me.
Keep strong, Do the Do's and I think in a short time you will see him crawling back. At the conventions they are very emotional & powerful. He will soon learn, as she will, that a 3 1/2 day convention does not make for a good relationship, neither does 10 days.
I wish you all the best & be true to yourself.
Yours in Recovery
Kathy