I wrote a post about my fiance telling me about his apartment and today I found out that he has had it for a couple of weeks and has slowly been putting stuff into.  He says he stopped out of guilt towards me but his sponser told him to wait until I go to work then move his stuff out.  And here for these past couple of weeks I have been so stupid because he was coming home to me, doing family stuff with me telling me he loves me all awhile he has this apartment getting ready to leave.  I feel so stupid.  I have been sitting here doing my best to hold onto my family and to give him the space and pacience he neds for his recovery yet I have been lied to and decieved by the man I love more than anything.  People may have judged him because of his alcoholism but that never changed how I felt about him.  I feel like I can never trust anyone again! 

Ok perfect example!!! The A is dishonest, the A is abandoning a person he has a commitment with,the A is supposedly being led by a sponson.. Yet you are calling yourself stupid???? Lady, look at your life as if it were a tv show. If you were watching you, would you say that lady was the stupid one??? I doooooooon't think so!!! We would all be cheering for you to say, hey budi there is the door, go for it. Find your power, you do not deserve any of this. Please stop that negative thought thing going on in your pretty head. Say stop and put in I am great just how I am. Tell him (the disease) thank you for finally getting out of the way so you can begin your life!! Then do it. Rest for awhile, you will have some hard time grieving, but honey it will make you a stronger person. Yes you will trust again, becuz you will not allow this crap to change anything good about you. You may be more careful, you may make sure someone deserves your trust first. But be glad you are a nice person. I am a landlord becuz there is a place on my property I rent out. I need the money to pay the mortgage. I tell ya I get some horrid people who snow me. This last one, I made sure the house was very clean, new paint, new curtains, made it look real homey. Got a gal I liked who I considered a friend, got her a couch, gave her food, gave her some cloths etc. Then she proceeded to abandone the house after leaving her dogs ther for three days. And this not the first time she left them. My little house is trashed. Used as a dog litter box. I about lost it. I was told I am the landlord from heaven, but after this they said I probably won't be anymore. I thought, no way. I am still going to be me. So I cleaned it up for days, my son and I an d his lady painted the whole thing, it looks and smells great. I put curtains up again and rerented. I will still be the nice person I am, I won't give more than I want to. This time I will check the house periodically. But I am still going to trust after someone shows me they deserve it. What I am saying is, I learned to not trust, or trust until the person really showed me their true colors. Does not take long, but you must be willing to accept those red flags. They are there, but some people, me, tend to think oh it will be ok. yea right. Anyway please, take care of you, make yourself an even better person. I know you can do it. I expect to hear good things here from you!!! And I hope you will keep coming here, letting it out, all of it. I have been at this for five years now and these wonderful people have taught me so very much. My life is so good becuz of alanon and the skills it teaches me. I take a day at a time literally. Things always work out, always. I still get mixed up, I still mourn my A sometimes. But every once in awhile I realize how far behind all that A bs is. And I realize how far i have come and how cool it is. Love you in alanonways, and tell you, you are intelligent, loving, trusting, and how dare him treat someone you love like that!!! That being YOU. debilyn

Hey,

 I am sorry for your pain.I know something how  you feel. My ex a in my life I had left and he went to rehab we kept in touch all that time and he kept telling how much he loved me and wanted to come home so I said ok lets work on it.He came back went to half way house and met someone at aa all the time calling me telling me he loved me and only me till i caught him with the girl and i felt stupid  betrayed and than  as i worked on me and kept on he would call and say he still loved me well this year he married her so there you have it

i am sorry for your pain.. keep comeing to meetings and posting

harleygirl555,

I know we feel stupid but only a psychic could catch on to the games they play. It isn't about being stupid. My recovering A gets so mad when I say I don't trust him and then he tells me he can't be trusted because he lies. The disease will take them anywhere they need to go to stay in their disease.

I like Debilyn's post. It makes me think about my own situation.

In support,

Nancy

So sorry this has happened.      You did what you did out of love, and that isn't stupid.  What is stupid is for someone to throw our love away.

Thurs July 14

I am sorry to hear your pain but try to stay stong for yourself & kids.  I am a recovering A of almost 4 years andbeing Alcoholic is not easy on us either.  We are told that recovery is the most selfish program that we can do.  I am also ACOA & Al Anon.

I am not sticking up for him because how he did it was wrong & if his sponsor told him to do it that way - then he is no a very good sponsor.  Recovery for ALL OF US is about HONEST, not only ourselves but those we love.  The way he is going about things soes not seem very honest to me- as an A. 

I don't feel right judging becasue we are not supposed to.  All I can say is that I would talk to him in a few days when I calmed down. I would tell him that I am very hurt that he, left, the way he left and that he is not being honest.  I know that your also hurt because he left and I can relate to some degree. 

Honest is very important in every relationship.  You need to be honest with yourself also.  For me it brings up major abandonment issues that I have not dealt with yet.  I also brings up just how much of an ass my A can be some time - we are back together but that is another story.

Work yous steps, your program and be true to yourself no matter what.  I know this might not help with the pain you are in right now - but take heart - we are all with you and have you in our prayers.

Yours in Recovery

Kathy570: