I dont understand alot of things about the way people act. ANd i know that people are sick and in thier own stuff. But so am i and i am not mean, even when i didnt have recovery i still never understood. I am a very shy person extremely shy. But not shy to say whats on my mind and when im in person i talk to people if they talk to me but i dont start a conversation. My friend and whole entire family doesnt seem to like the person i am. So i figure it has to be me. My aunts invited my dad to her house for supper then all went back to my sisters house. I was not invited and that is really freaking me out. People seem to stay distant with me worried ill freak or worried they will add stress i havent freaked or told them i am stressed. But i am not acting any different they are. I can see. Since my mom died, my friend has said i was consumed by her death i agree i was but i have stopped talking to her about it. Now she says im to negative but i dont find, i give opinions that she asks for. Sometimes she agrees and the next week she wont. I dont know how people want me to be. And i go to the pool and swim everyday in the summer since my children were little. And ppl in the building say hey kerry why dont ya teach your kids to swim um what do ya think im doing. I go right into the water with them jump off the board with them, i dont see any other parents doing that but im the one that doesnt? doesnt make any sense i dont know how to be im real real confused and im very tired of it. Every single person i know seems to have a huge problem with me. My family does because i took care of my mom at home and they cant get past it. I did it alone they couldnt help. But so???? they seem real angry by it and they note every single move i make. So do my aunts they have never been in my life before they are perfect strangers but are angry i did that to my mom and they told me so they kept telling me how i do things wrong when my mom was bedridden. I feel like hp is sending me to a road where it will be completely alone with no one. Because i refuse to change the person i am and its not my problem that people dont take the time to know the person i am, they just guess. Alot of people think im this shy little timid person afraid of the world thats how i come off i guess but that is far far from who i am. They jusst dont know. I dont know how to be, i dont know where to go, i dont know what to do next, im just so so tired . but then when i keep a distance from my family they all go nutso saying i dont know why kerry isnt coming around. Sheesh make up my mind already ! anyways thanks for listening
kerry
dis5 said
Jul 6, 2005
kerry, i'm alot like you when it comes to being around people. don't like to start the conversation but will talk if one startes, speak my mind most of the time. I get treated the same way you do with some family members and I have learned to just be me and if they don't like it thats there problem. I can't make everyone happy and the one I need to make happy is ME... Yes, there are times I forget that and get upset that I have failed again, but then I try to remember that I am the one that is important and I need to take care of ME... If I'm not happy others around usually aren't happy... Misery loves company... I hope that this has helped...
love in recovery,
dis5
abbyal said
Jul 6, 2005
Hello again Kerry, sometimes we do have to change (just a little ) hehe. We talked about walls before and I am sure u have lots of em,just like the rest of us. keep it simple Kerry , do the opposite to what u ahve always done and it has to work out different. I was told I only had to learn two things when i got here When to shut up ! and when to speak up. hehe now that is simple and it works for me, in a case where i would usually just sit and say nothing , make a point of joining conversations , you have a right to think diff than others u do not need to justify or explain yourself, it dosen't mean that you are wrong it simply means that u do not agree and then let it go.
Ignore the people at the pool , possibly jsut teasing you since u are there every day , we tend to take things too personally. Please yourself and be yourself but keep an open mind sometimes we do have to change, I used to stand toe to toe and defend my right to be me and have others hear my opinion , then someone said to me Would you rather be RIGHT OR LOVED? not really much of a choice is it ?
Try doing the oposite in any given situation and see what happens it really gets some amazing results. have fun with it I sure did. People get used to us reacting in a certain way and when we change it just kinda blows thier minds. You will soon see the things in your personality that are giving you trouble and then u can change them .
DanaAngel said
Jul 7, 2005
Wow Kerry, what a great topic, and one I can REALLY relate to. This is something I have struggled with and dealt with for pretty much all my 44 years. I am a quite reserved person in "real" life, I am a person who takes a while to warm up to people. I am the person kind of hanging by myself, may try to fit in but usually kind of in the background standing there listening but not saying much of anything. My brother and sister used to tease me quite a bit when we were growing up, in the car, they would ask is Dana back there? You're talking too much! or stuff like that. When I was in my teens, I would spend a great amount of time in my room by myself. That was just normal for me, but I got isolation down as a science. Maybe it was my parents fault because they didn't encourage me to join clubs or whatnot. I was a Bluebird for a very short time which was fun, but I would always kind of be by myself. I got teased on occasion by classmates because I was so reserved. I would rarely raise my hand in school. But, I got descent grades. My social skills just never evolved I guess you could say. I express myself rather well in writing, much better than verbally. I have always had the fear that people wouldn't like if they really knew what I thought. Maybe it stems from the incident I had when I was about 5 and a stranger shouted at me to stay out of a motel room (I was just looking for my sister). I think that incident really did some damage emotionally. My addict really gets frustrated with me because I don't voice my opinion much. He is very opinionated. I can alienate people pretty easily just by my quiet "dumb" act. Which can really get me into trouble at work, and with the people I have relationships with. Thanks for this topic, it helps me to read what I have written and get clearer on the whys of what I do, or don't do.
jj said
Jul 7, 2005
((((Kerry)))))
The one thing that kept popping to mind when I read your post was. Dont be anything for anyone but be YOU for YOU. I used to worry about what others thought of me and about who liked me and who didn't. What I really noticed was that I could bend over backwards and do back flipps and some would still find faults in me and try to make me feel like crap. What I needed to be was true to myself and if people liked me they did and if not so what. Before my whole family thaught I was a witch and now we all get along better. I have a a better selfesteme.
Kerry I know that it is different in person but here you are your self right?!! We who love you on this board love you for you not what we expect you to be, plus wouldn;t we be shallow if we expected you to be a certain way?? I don't know you are great the way you are.
Love your friend JJ
dori said
Jul 9, 2005
Kerry,
I stuggle with people pleaseing and when you do you will be set all the time for failure and hurts. i know it is hard but to get to know you , i was always what others wanted to and i was miserable and now i am on my own learing who dori is scarey but i keep working at it.
i have never been shy i am the other one off the charts always saying stpuid stuff pople avoid me too but it is cause they never know what i am going to say hey heck most of the time i dont know what i am going to say ha
but i am learing and that is all you can do stay in the moment and as the serenity prayer says accept the things i can not change and change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.
we all want to be loved by our families but some times kerry as in my case my family is my kids my alanon family and my church and that is who loves me i accept that so look into your lfie and see the people who do accept you as you are and hang with them while you work on you
I dont understand alot of things about the way people act. ANd i know that people are sick and in thier own stuff. But so am i and i am not mean, even when i didnt have recovery i still never understood. I am a very shy person extremely shy. But not shy to say whats on my mind and when im in person i talk to people if they talk to me but i dont start a conversation. My friend and whole entire family doesnt seem to like the person i am. So i figure it has to be me. My aunts invited my dad to her house for supper then all went back to my sisters house. I was not invited and that is really freaking me out. People seem to stay distant with me worried ill freak or worried they will add stress i havent freaked or told them i am stressed. But i am not acting any different they are. I can see. Since my mom died, my friend has said i was consumed by her death i agree i was but i have stopped talking to her about it. Now she says im to negative but i dont find, i give opinions that she asks for. Sometimes she agrees and the next week she wont. I dont know how people want me to be. And i go to the pool and swim everyday in the summer since my children were little. And ppl in the building say hey kerry why dont ya teach your kids to swim um what do ya think im doing. I go right into the water with them jump off the board with them, i dont see any other parents doing that but im the one that doesnt? doesnt make any sense i dont know how to be im real real confused and im very tired of it. Every single person i know seems to have a huge problem with me. My family does because i took care of my mom at home and they cant get past it. I did it alone they couldnt help. But so???? they seem real angry by it and they note every single move i make. So do my aunts they have never been in my life before they are perfect strangers but are angry i did that to my mom and they told me so they kept telling me how i do things wrong when my mom was bedridden. I feel like hp is sending me to a road where it will be completely alone with no one. Because i refuse to change the person i am and its not my problem that people dont take the time to know the person i am, they just guess. Alot of people think im this shy little timid person afraid of the world thats how i come off i guess but that is far far from who i am. They jusst dont know. I dont know how to be, i dont know where to go, i dont know what to do next, im just so so tired . but then when i keep a distance from my family they all go nutso saying i dont know why kerry isnt coming around. Sheesh make up my mind already ! anyways thanks for listening
kerry
kerry, i'm alot like you when it comes to being around people. don't like to start the conversation but will talk if one startes, speak my mind most of the time. I get treated the same way you do with some family members and I have learned to just be me and if they don't like it thats there problem. I can't make everyone happy and the one I need to make happy is ME... Yes, there are times I forget that and get upset that I have failed again, but then I try to remember that I am the one that is important and I need to take care of ME... If I'm not happy others around usually aren't happy... Misery loves company... I hope that this has helped...
love in recovery,
dis5
Hello again Kerry, sometimes we do have to change (just a little ) hehe. We talked about walls before and I am sure u have lots of em,just like the rest of us. keep it simple Kerry , do the opposite to what u ahve always done and it has to work out different. I was told I only had to learn two things when i got here When to shut up ! and when to speak up. hehe now that is simple and it works for me, in a case where i would usually just sit and say nothing , make a point of joining conversations , you have a right to think diff than others u do not need to justify or explain yourself, it dosen't mean that you are wrong it simply means that u do not agree and then let it go.
Ignore the people at the pool , possibly jsut teasing you since u are there every day , we tend to take things too personally. Please yourself and be yourself but keep an open mind sometimes we do have to change, I used to stand toe to toe and defend my right to be me and have others hear my opinion , then someone said to me Would you rather be RIGHT OR LOVED? not really much of a choice is it ?
Try doing the oposite in any given situation and see what happens it really gets some amazing results. have fun with it I sure did. People get used to us reacting in a certain way and when we change it just kinda blows thier minds. You will soon see the things in your personality that are giving you trouble and then u can change them .
((((Kerry)))))
The one thing that kept popping to mind when I read your post was. Dont be anything for anyone but be YOU for YOU. I used to worry about what others thought of me and about who liked me and who didn't. What I really noticed was that I could bend over backwards and do back flipps and some would still find faults in me and try to make me feel like crap. What I needed to be was true to myself and if people liked me they did and if not so what. Before my whole family thaught I was a witch and now we all get along better. I have a a better selfesteme.
Kerry I know that it is different in person but here you are your self right?!! We who love you on this board love you for you not what we expect you to be, plus wouldn;t we be shallow if we expected you to be a certain way?? I don't know you are great the way you are.
Love your friend JJ
Kerry,
I stuggle with people pleaseing and when you do you will be set all the time for failure and hurts. i know it is hard but to get to know you , i was always what others wanted to and i was miserable and now i am on my own learing who dori is scarey but i keep working at it.
i have never been shy i am the other one off the charts always saying stpuid stuff pople avoid me too but it is cause they never know what i am going to say hey heck most of the time i dont know what i am going to say ha
but i am learing and that is all you can do stay in the moment and as the serenity prayer says accept the things i can not change and change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.
we all want to be loved by our families but some times kerry as in my case my family is my kids my alanon family and my church and that is who loves me i accept that so look into your lfie and see the people who do accept you as you are and hang with them while you work on you
dori