I am hoping that there will be great ideas and support for me here. I don't even know where to start, the story is long and I get tired of my own story.
I will say that my husband of almost 7 years is an alcoholic and cocaine user. We met when I was his bartender. He cleaned up his life for over a year, that's when we got married. I stayed home for the first 3 years of marriage. We bought a place and I went back to work. Drove school bus for a couple years but was really looking for a desk job. Low and behold one fell into my lap and for the last couple years I have worked as a Admin. Assist. at a Treatment Center.
Last year he lost his only son. The year was tough but last August after one of his binge drinking days, he was saying some horrible things and I reacted (as a co-dependent person) and threw the phone at him. I went to jail and now am doing a year of counseling for domestic violence. At first I hated the thought that I needed counseling. It became apparent quickly that I do need help to deal with issues I need to resolve. (My first husband was an alcoholic and very abusive) I have went to a couple of Alanon meetings, but just didn't feel at home, I know I should search for more and find a home group.
My husband thinks he can control his drinking, and of course because of where I work and the knowledge I have gained, I know that it will always get out of control. I say he is a cocaine user, because I can't know if he is addicted to it, since it is a "sometime" thing. Last night he came home around midnight, stumbling drunk and high. I am at my wits end. I want to hang in there, I do love him, but how to you all muddle through the tough times? What keeps you going? How do you still believe that things have a way of working themselves out?
Thanks for any input. Mary
-- Edited by marmare at 15:39, 2005-07-02
TLC2 said
Jul 2, 2005
Hi, and welcome to Alanon!! There are lots of people here that have been through what you are going through right now. They are wonderful, caring, loving people. I myself, have found that since I joined Alanon, and began to understand Alcoholism, I've been able to cope much better. I have, and always have had, a strong faith in my HP ( higher power, whom I call God).
Read as much Alanon literature as you can get your hands on, and if you can, go to face-to-face meetings. (you can find some in your area by looking in the links on this page.)
Best of luck to you, you have come to the right place, love in the program, TLC
sanddie said
Jul 2, 2005
There is only One that gets me through this... God. I lived a life without believing in God for many years and it was literally Hell. My relationships, family, and my reactions to things were results of Hell-- that's how I like to explain it. It wasn't until I came to discover who God truly is that my life changed, I changed and gained emotional, physical and mental strength to get through anything that comes my way. Of course, I still have rough times, but those times are less and don't last very long, as I can pull myself right back together within a couple of hours-- if that even. I'm grateful for His grace, mercy and love that He offers unconditionally. Knowing that he is FIRST in my life, above all else has a way of ultimately bringing balance and stability into my life and recognize the choices I MUST make....
Additionally, ALL the resources we are given are given to us by God.... There is only one that is in control and we should trust Him completely. Of course, Satan wants us to be deceived into thinking that God does not exist so that we cannot achieve this peace in our short journey back home. Also, because God is in control ultimately, it is easy for our minds to believe that God allows this and is not a loving God. When ultimately, it is Satan (who rules this earth), manipulating the mind. All the questions we have about the tragedies and bad things that happen in the world always seem to lead people into disbelief of God because he allows it to happen. Of course he does because he loves us enough to allow us to make choices and free will. It's what we do with those choices that makes our life what it is.... It's also how we use all the resources given to us by God to make our life what it is as well.
Take Care...
-- Edited by sanddie at 19:17, 2005-07-02
Dolphin123 said
Jul 2, 2005
Hi Mary,
I can say that I really related to your story. I know it is hard to keep up the hope. I do alot of praying.
My "A" and I have been together for one month shy of 8 years. He has been an addict since he was 12 now 29.
I know the hurt and the pain, in fact he is out as I am typing this getting high.
All my non-alanon friends ask me why I stay, why I put up with this. My answer- hope. I work my program (sometimes better than others), I pray, and I just keep up the hope. A few months ago I had a long talk with myself and then my sponsor. I truly believe that I will know when to walk away, when the hope is gone. I believe that somehow my higher power will tell me when to let go.
Keep coming back. I know this program has given me peace and serenity when I work it. The people you meet in these rooms and in f2f meetings will be some of the best people you will ever meet.
If you wanna chat, I would love to talk to you.
Yours In Recovery,
Mandy
cdb said
Jul 4, 2005
Hello Mary and welcome to MIP, miracles in progress :)
People here understand and care. My acoholic/drug addict is my 21 year old daughter. I don't know what I would do without this site. I too became more sick than my daughter and broke dishes etc. but luckily didn't throw them at her. I sure could have. Keep coming back here and work your program and things will look better and be better. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
Hi,
I am hoping that there will be great ideas and support for me here. I don't even know where to start, the story is long and I get tired of my own story.
I will say that my husband of almost 7 years is an alcoholic and cocaine user. We met when I was his bartender. He cleaned up his life for over a year, that's when we got married. I stayed home for the first 3 years of marriage. We bought a place and I went back to work. Drove school bus for a couple years but was really looking for a desk job. Low and behold one fell into my lap and for the last couple years I have worked as a Admin. Assist. at a Treatment Center.
Last year he lost his only son. The year was tough but last August after one of his binge drinking days, he was saying some horrible things and I reacted (as a co-dependent person) and threw the phone at him. I went to jail and now am doing a year of counseling for domestic violence. At first I hated the thought that I needed counseling. It became apparent quickly that I do need help to deal with issues I need to resolve. (My first husband was an alcoholic and very abusive) I have went to a couple of Alanon meetings, but just didn't feel at home, I know I should search for more and find a home group.
My husband thinks he can control his drinking, and of course because of where I work and the knowledge I have gained, I know that it will always get out of control. I say he is a cocaine user, because I can't know if he is addicted to it, since it is a "sometime" thing. Last night he came home around midnight, stumbling drunk and high. I am at my wits end. I want to hang in there, I do love him, but how to you all muddle through the tough times? What keeps you going? How do you still believe that things have a way of working themselves out?
Thanks for any input. Mary
-- Edited by marmare at 15:39, 2005-07-02
Hi, and welcome to Alanon!! There are lots of people here that have been through what you are going through right now. They are wonderful, caring, loving people. I myself, have found that since I joined Alanon, and began to understand Alcoholism, I've been able to cope much better. I have, and always have had, a strong faith in my HP ( higher power, whom I call God).
Read as much Alanon literature as you can get your hands on, and if you can, go to face-to-face meetings. (you can find some in your area by looking in the links on this page.)
Best of luck to you, you have come to the right place, love in the program, TLC
There is only One that gets me through this... God. I lived a life without believing in God for many years and it was literally Hell. My relationships, family, and my reactions to things were results of Hell-- that's how I like to explain it. It wasn't until I came to discover who God truly is that my life changed, I changed and gained emotional, physical and mental strength to get through anything that comes my way. Of course, I still have rough times, but those times are less and don't last very long, as I can pull myself right back together within a couple of hours-- if that even. I'm grateful for His grace, mercy and love that He offers unconditionally. Knowing that he is FIRST in my life, above all else has a way of ultimately bringing balance and stability into my life and recognize the choices I MUST make....
Additionally, ALL the resources we are given are given to us by God.... There is only one that is in control and we should trust Him completely. Of course, Satan wants us to be deceived into thinking that God does not exist so that we cannot achieve this peace in our short journey back home. Also, because God is in control ultimately, it is easy for our minds to believe that God allows this and is not a loving God. When ultimately, it is Satan (who rules this earth), manipulating the mind. All the questions we have about the tragedies and bad things that happen in the world always seem to lead people into disbelief of God because he allows it to happen. Of course he does because he loves us enough to allow us to make choices and free will. It's what we do with those choices that makes our life what it is.... It's also how we use all the resources given to us by God to make our life what it is as well.
Take Care...
-- Edited by sanddie at 19:17, 2005-07-02
Hi Mary,
I can say that I really related to your story. I know it is hard to keep up the hope. I do alot of praying.
My "A" and I have been together for one month shy of 8 years. He has been an addict since he was 12 now 29.
I know the hurt and the pain, in fact he is out as I am typing this getting high.
All my non-alanon friends ask me why I stay, why I put up with this. My answer- hope. I work my program (sometimes better than others), I pray, and I just keep up the hope. A few months ago I had a long talk with myself and then my sponsor. I truly believe that I will know when to walk away, when the hope is gone. I believe that somehow my higher power will tell me when to let go.
Keep coming back. I know this program has given me peace and serenity when I work it. The people you meet in these rooms and in f2f meetings will be some of the best people you will ever meet.
If you wanna chat, I would love to talk to you.
Yours In Recovery,
Mandy
Hello Mary and welcome to MIP, miracles in progress :)
People here understand and care. My acoholic/drug addict is my 21 year old daughter. I don't know what I would do without this site. I too became more sick than my daughter and broke dishes etc. but luckily didn't throw them at her. I sure could have. Keep coming back here and work your program and things will look better and be better. your friend in recovery, cdb :)