Two nights ago I got served with divorce .....which I do not want. He told me he did it because I scared him. I am without a job and told him I was considering going to my parents for six weeks to work....I will make a minimum of 3000.00 during that time... making enough to pay the bills at home and not eat up all of the savings. I told him I would be back before Aug  10.....when oldest daughter goes back to school. I also told him I wanted to take our little one so my parents could spend some time with her ....my mom has seen her twice and my dad only once. His ability to keep a job for any length of time is pitiful. I cant count on him. I told him he would be welcome to stay in the house while I was gone. As he is living with his mother. Upon my return the chances of my getting a job would increase dramatically (my industry is very slow in summer here in south Texas) and I already have two very good chances with reputable companies. He apparently flipped out at this. He thinks I am going to run off with the kids and never come back. This is , of course, ludicris. I have a life here, I own a home, I would not be so unkind to my kids as to rip them out of the only home they have ever known, or so cruel to him. His mother did that to him, and he never knew his dad. I have never lied to him and he doesnt see that. I feel like he doesnt know me at all. Many people told me that I should have just left and called him to say I was gone. That did not seem right to me. I felt that would be dishonest. Friends and family have made rude, ugly and hateful remarks about him, I've told them 'dont be like that", and they look at me like I'm crazy.  I know I have not been perfect but i am not going to lower my own code of ethics. So tomorrow I am going to speak with a lawyer to protect myself,my rights and my kids. Wish me luck and pray that I will be able to keep my cool when I talk to my A........as that is a huge problem for me. And  after that meeting I am going to see a man about a business property I found that is cheap,  in a neat area that is growing and I think will be the perfect place to start my own business ....a dream of mine. See I might not have gone to see my parents after all.

 

                                                                                              thanks all                 

swolves dear you r on the right track to protect yourself, you may want to get the kids a lawyer too, i did.  Want you to know you r in my prayers, keep coming back we love you!

josey

Swolves, Despite the stress in your life, it sounds like you are pretty clear about what you need to do to take care of yourself and your kids. I know it is tough not to, but try not to find reason in your A's actions — its the disease talking right now. Take care and keep coming back. As humans, we have limited vision of what might be in store for us but our HPs do not. It's this or something better. Love and hugs, Jessi

not sure what your financial situation is but did you know that the matrimonial home is split in a divorce no matter who bought it?  maybe you had a prenup agreement but if not a lawyer wouldn't be such a bad idea.  good luck

(((((SWolves))))))

You and your family are in my prayers.  Protect yourself, glad you are going to talk to a lawyer.  Keep coming back!

David

swolves,

Can you set a boundardy around yourself when he starts saying things like you scare him? My A always points the finger back at me. Keep doing what you know in your heart is good for you and your kids.

In support,

Nancy

Hi swolves, I have found in my own personal life, that talk is cheap. You say your husband is scared....it sounds as if he would be scared of any move you make to better your life at this point. He will probably not believe anything you say, so I believe you are right in seeing an atty. My considered opinion (for what it's worth) is that he is using the divorce as a threat to keep you from going. I, personally would go and take care of business. This is your future and possibly his. The ONLY way (it seems) that he will believe that you are coming back is when you walk back through the door in August, $3000 richer and with solid plans for a future. When people are suspicious and don't believe your words, there isn't a lot that you can do to change that, other than to prove yourself through your actions. Good luck talking with your husband, your trip and job and in starting a new business....sounds to me like your head is on pretty darn straight. None of us are perfect....if we were, there would be nothing to strive for!!! Much luck to you. ~arwyn

Hello swolves,

I am so sorry to hear about the stress in your life now (((((((((swolves)))))))) hugs.  The alcoholics can be so hard to read or figure out depending the amount of recovery and where they are at in their disease. I can see where Arwyn made some interesting points. I do feel if it were me I would protect myself too and I liked the idea of getting a seperate lawyer for the kids that josey gave too. I remember when my husband asked me for a divorce years ago! It turned my world upside down as well so many other people's lives too. If I could do that over again I would have kept his wishes to myself more than telling so many people since we did work things out and did stay married. My situation was very different from yours too. I will make sure I say prayers for you. Who knows what the outcomes of any of our lives are going to be. One hour, one minute, one day at a time sure helps me when these things happen. Hang in and I hope to chat with you soon online when I get back. You may have to pm me or remind me in the room of what is going on with you since I have alot of stress going on now too. With my health I get foggy and forget alot so please never be hurt if it takes me awhile to get people and things sorted out in my mind after being away from chat.   your friend, cdb :)

Wishing you the very best in whatever the outcome. Maybe what really scares him is that he sees you and your kids being able to make it without him? Sure would be a blow to an ego, eh, and I find A's have quite an ego, especially when they are activly drinking.

Sounds like you have a very good plan for your and the children's future. I wish you luck. You sound like a very honest, caring person and maybe he is just reacting to his fear of losing all of you. I know it can be very hard to maintain your cool at times like this. maybe write it out for him in a letter, and explain to him, like you have just explained to us? I find it much, much easier to write than I do to say things in person. When you write, you can re-read and change things that don't look right, erase them, and start over until you get it right in exactly what you wanted to say. Also, it might be good for him too, in that he won't misconstrue things in the heat of the moment.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.You sound like you really want to be fair, maybe a letter could show him that?? Love and prayers to you all, TLC