Okay, now that I have introduced myself...this is my primary parenting problem. We are a blended home. Because my partner (I notice you call them your "A" here, so...) my A drinks only in the evening, during the day and early evening she is a great co-parent. She loves the kids, has important things to say to them and advise them, and so forth. I want the kids to listen to her. The problem is when she is drunk then she hurls her complaints on me and the kids. How can I expect them to respect her when they know she does this? I just don't think I can. Though I believe in keeping a "united front" when it comes to parenting, how can I possibly do this under these circumstances?
Also my A has severe ADD. Does anyone else have an A with a psych. diagnosis? I really think the alcohol is her way of turning off her brain and because she wasn't diagnosed until 10 years ago (she is midlife) she had years of not understanding her problem to develop this nasty addiction as her way of coping.
I mentioned my A is a professional woman and I mean that in the highest sense. She has a lot of daily pressures, worries and so forth. She admits that she doesn't want to quit drinking right now. She knows it is a problem but with her stress she doesn't know how else to cope. I guess the idea of doing all the "good" things she can to cope with life is one more stress.
Geeze, give me a safe space and I explode...lol. I feel like I could go on and on. I am so relieved to have found this site. I feel very alone and like I don't have anywhere else to talk about this.
Stephanie
mastiff said
Jun 29, 2005
So glad you found us Stephanie, welcome home my new friend. It can be really, really crazy when you throw kids into the mix of an alcoholic relationship, and add on top of that. whew.....I am a mother of 3 little boys, my a has been sober for about 8 months now, but some things dont go away just because of sobriety. He does have add he and i both believe, however, has never actually gone to the doctor for it and is not medicated for it. It is as you say, he would drink and use to kill the pain, or as he says "to make his head shut up." So as he was active, little old me held down the fort, took care of the kids the animals ect ect. I just piled all that responsibilty on myself cause i couldn't trust him to do it I had thought... and because of it all, i was slowly growing crazy and resentful. The single most important thing i have ever done in my life was jump deep into alanon. I am a better person because of it. One with tools to get me out of jams, one with a bit more understanding and compassion, and most importantly all those things that alanon has given me, i can give to my kids now.
So glad you exploded! hope I helped a little by sharing my story a bit, and more so, i hope to see you in the chat room, especially for a meeting! 9am &9 pm most days (eastern time)
lots of love, trina
wallsal55 said
Jun 29, 2005
Yes, my spouse has ADHD or ADD. He won't get help for that either. But he has quit drinking. He knows he has ADD, but does nothing about it --so far. Yes, booze was his medication to handle life, and to medicate the ADD. He can be truly exhausting even without the alcohol now.
Yes, alcohol is sometimes the mask for what lies underneath. But as in my husband's case he is both an A and a person with ADD. Keep coming Back! : ) (((((((((((((((Hugs !!!)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Okay, now that I have introduced myself...this is my primary parenting problem. We are a blended home. Because my partner (I notice you call them your "A" here, so...) my A drinks only in the evening, during the day and early evening she is a great co-parent. She loves the kids, has important things to say to them and advise them, and so forth. I want the kids to listen to her. The problem is when she is drunk then she hurls her complaints on me and the kids. How can I expect them to respect her when they know she does this? I just don't think I can. Though I believe in keeping a "united front" when it comes to parenting, how can I possibly do this under these circumstances?
Also my A has severe ADD. Does anyone else have an A with a psych. diagnosis? I really think the alcohol is her way of turning off her brain and because she wasn't diagnosed until 10 years ago (she is midlife) she had years of not understanding her problem to develop this nasty addiction as her way of coping.
I mentioned my A is a professional woman and I mean that in the highest sense. She has a lot of daily pressures, worries and so forth. She admits that she doesn't want to quit drinking right now. She knows it is a problem but with her stress she doesn't know how else to cope. I guess the idea of doing all the "good" things she can to cope with life is one more stress.
Geeze, give me a safe space and I explode...lol. I feel like I could go on and on. I am so relieved to have found this site. I feel very alone and like I don't have anywhere else to talk about this.
Stephanie
So glad you found us Stephanie, welcome home my new friend. It can be really, really crazy when you throw kids into the mix of an alcoholic relationship, and add on top of that. whew.....I am a mother of 3 little boys, my a has been sober for about 8 months now, but some things dont go away just because of sobriety. He does have add he and i both believe, however, has never actually gone to the doctor for it and is not medicated for it. It is as you say, he would drink and use to kill the pain, or as he says "to make his head shut up." So as he was active, little old me held down the fort, took care of the kids the animals ect ect. I just piled all that responsibilty on myself cause i couldn't trust him to do it I had thought... and because of it all, i was slowly growing crazy and resentful. The single most important thing i have ever done in my life was jump deep into alanon. I am a better person because of it. One with tools to get me out of jams, one with a bit more understanding and compassion, and most importantly all those things that alanon has given me, i can give to my kids now.
So glad you exploded! hope I helped a little by sharing my story a bit, and more so, i hope to see you in the chat room, especially for a meeting! 9am &9 pm most days (eastern time)
lots of love, trina
Yes, my spouse has ADHD or ADD. He won't get help for that either. But he has quit drinking. He knows he has ADD, but does nothing about it --so far. Yes, booze was his medication to handle life, and to medicate the ADD. He can be truly exhausting even without the alcohol now.
Yes, alcohol is sometimes the mask for what lies underneath. But as in my husband's case he is both an A and a person with ADD. Keep coming Back! : ) (((((((((((((((Hugs !!!)))))))))))))))))))))))))))