I'm new to the board and I'm hoping you all can guide me in the right direction.
I'm far from new to Alcholism, my Mom is recovering, sober for over 9 years (Thank God). My newest problem is with my Sister-in-Law (my husbands sister). I love her dearly, she's like the sister I never had, she was the matron of honor at our wedding. But the whole family can see her drinking WAY to much and I see the road she is headed down.
She is going through a divorce with a man she was married to for 17 years but with for 20. He was abusive all the way around, she finally woke up and saw who he really was & has taken care of that part of her life. She was doing SO good for while but recently is has become very bad. She has 3 girls and the oldest one is always babysitting the younger two so mom can go out or they are with my in-laws.
Now that you have a little history. It is at the point where something needs to be said to her. The girls are upset and it is upseting the rest of my family. Since I've been through this with my Mother I know a lot but I'm not sure how to guide my in-laws to speak to their daughter. It seems so different then it being my Mom. Does anyone have any words of wisdom to help us? I don't want my nieces to have the same childhood that I had growing up. My thoughts are put it on the table now & at least she'll have some idea that we are one to her.
Thanks in advance for any help you give me!
A loving sister
cloud said
Jun 27, 2005
((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) as you well know from your past you can not control what anyone else does, but you can state your concern and possibly help her young daughters to alateen. Maybe with a little encouragement she will get back on the right road, the children need a support to help them good luck my prayers to you, and bless the young lady for being so grown up and taking care of her little sisters. I hope their mother gets back on track. My prayers to 3 young ladies that Hp and the rest of the family helps them through, god bless!
cloud (((hugs)))
debilyn said
Jun 27, 2005
Glad you are here!
As far as being onto her, it is a disease, not something she is doing on purpose.
I sure understand your concern. But we cannot control what anyone else does. But maybe
what you might do is get some AA literature and leave it at her house.
Confronting an A is not usually good. They usually will get defensive and deny
there is a problem. They will try to turn it around on you. Ex. it is none of your
business.
Believe me she knows what is happening. The primary thing is to keep those kids
safe.
Have you been to face to face al-anon meetings? That is a great place to start. Being
around an A is one thing, learning alanon skills is another. We learn so many
things in al-anon to help us deal with this cunning disease.
BTW I am glad for your mom!!
You sound like a very intelligent, loving person. I hope you will look into alanon literature
and educate yourself. I guarentee it will help you and your family. You can get it
online and or at meetings.
Love, Debilyn
jj said
Jun 28, 2005
Welcome!!! Hugs to you!!
I can relate to your situation. My SIL divorced 5 years ago and began going out and drinking alot and then it started at home too. My neices were to young to be at home alone to me but who was I to say to her. Any way the girls know that they have loving supportive aunts that love them very much and can count on to be their for them any time they are in need of any thing. My neices are now thinking about alateen and are full of questions which us aunts who go to alanon are willing to help them with.
It is heart breaking to see the girls going through so much of what I went through and what their other aunt went through and we see them in us and their reactions being the same or simmilar. One thing that they have is the program and support what is in their favor because when we were at their age it was unavailable and seemed like nothing to help.
I will pray for your nieces and their mom.
Welcome again and I hope you keep comming back
JJ
Someone who cares said
Jun 28, 2005
Thank you all for you replies, it means a lot.
I know that my sister-in-law needs to be made aware of our concerns, maybe not be "told" that we think she as a problem but approach it in a different way. That we are concerned with the amount of time she is spending away from the girls. She is a VERY defensive person and that is our fear. That is why I told my husband that it is up to his parents to confront her with their concerns and I will back them 100% on whatever they do. My main concern is the girls and what their life will be like. No Dad in the picture, yes he hasn't seem them since the seperated in October and a Mom who isn't home. They need someone stable in their life and that's what I'm trying to provide.
When my Mom sobered up I never thought I would have to go through this again. I just wish I had words of wisdom for my in-laws. They are great people and it's upsetting to see them go through this. I feel most for Dad because it's is only daughter and he actually ask my husband if his daughter was acholic and my husband had to tell him yes. Then there's mother in law who blames herself because her parents drank. I've tried to make her understand that it isn't her fault that it is a disease but she doesn't listen. If she knew how to work a computer I'd have her come here
Thanks again!
jj said
Jun 29, 2005
(((((Someone)))))
There are many books that are available that you could get for your inlaws and reading some of the stories and being able to realte to the situations may help them and help you aswell.
My SIL (nieces mom) would have been very defensive if I were to ever approach her about her drinking and actions only now 5 yrs later and her seeing my husbands drinking as a problem are we able to talk to her about not her but the girls and how much alanon has helpped me and my other SIL. She doesn't mind that we talk to the girls about alanon and alateen, she also has realized and seen how well we are doing with the program.
Hi All,
I'm new to the board and I'm hoping you all can guide me in the right direction.
I'm far from new to Alcholism, my Mom is recovering, sober for over 9 years (Thank God). My newest problem is with my Sister-in-Law (my husbands sister). I love her dearly, she's like the sister I never had, she was the matron of honor at our wedding. But the whole family can see her drinking WAY to much and I see the road she is headed down.
She is going through a divorce with a man she was married to for 17 years but with for 20. He was abusive all the way around, she finally woke up and saw who he really was & has taken care of that part of her life. She was doing SO good for while but recently is has become very bad. She has 3 girls and the oldest one is always babysitting the younger two so mom can go out or they are with my in-laws.
Now that you have a little history. It is at the point where something needs to be said to her. The girls are upset and it is upseting the rest of my family. Since I've been through this with my Mother I know a lot but I'm not sure how to guide my in-laws to speak to their daughter. It seems so different then it being my Mom. Does anyone have any words of wisdom to help us? I don't want my nieces to have the same childhood that I had growing up. My thoughts are put it on the table now & at least she'll have some idea that we are one to her.
Thanks in advance for any help you give me!
A loving sister
((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) as you well know from your past you can not control what anyone else does, but you can state your concern and possibly help her young daughters to alateen. Maybe with a little encouragement she will get back on the right road, the children need a support to help them good luck my prayers to you, and bless the young lady for being so grown up and taking care of her little sisters. I hope their mother gets back on track. My prayers to 3 young ladies that Hp and the rest of the family helps them through, god bless!
cloud (((hugs)))
Welcome!!! Hugs to you!!
I can relate to your situation. My SIL divorced 5 years ago and began going out and drinking alot and then it started at home too. My neices were to young to be at home alone to me but who was I to say to her. Any way the girls know that they have loving supportive aunts that love them very much and can count on to be their for them any time they are in need of any thing. My neices are now thinking about alateen and are full of questions which us aunts who go to alanon are willing to help them with.
It is heart breaking to see the girls going through so much of what I went through and what their other aunt went through and we see them in us and their reactions being the same or simmilar. One thing that they have is the program and support what is in their favor because when we were at their age it was unavailable and seemed like nothing to help.
I will pray for your nieces and their mom.
Welcome again and I hope you keep comming back
JJ
Thank you all for you replies, it means a lot.
I know that my sister-in-law needs to be made aware of our concerns, maybe not be "told" that we think she as a problem but approach it in a different way. That we are concerned with the amount of time she is spending away from the girls. She is a VERY defensive person and that is our fear. That is why I told my husband that it is up to his parents to confront her with their concerns and I will back them 100% on whatever they do. My main concern is the girls and what their life will be like. No Dad in the picture, yes he hasn't seem them since the seperated in October and a Mom who isn't home. They need someone stable in their life and that's what I'm trying to provide.
When my Mom sobered up I never thought I would have to go through this again. I just wish I had words of wisdom for my in-laws. They are great people and it's upsetting to see them go through this. I feel most for Dad because it's is only daughter and he actually ask my husband if his daughter was acholic and my husband had to tell him yes. Then there's mother in law who blames herself because her parents drank. I've tried to make her understand that it isn't her fault that it is a disease but she doesn't listen. If she knew how to work a computer I'd have her come here
Thanks again!
(((((Someone)))))
There are many books that are available that you could get for your inlaws and reading some of the stories and being able to realte to the situations may help them and help you aswell.
My SIL (nieces mom) would have been very defensive if I were to ever approach her about her drinking and actions only now 5 yrs later and her seeing my husbands drinking as a problem are we able to talk to her about not her but the girls and how much alanon has helpped me and my other SIL. She doesn't mind that we talk to the girls about alanon and alateen, she also has realized and seen how well we are doing with the program.
One day at a Time is the best that we can do.
Glad you are here keep comming back
JJ