Hello friends,

I am under the understanding that we are not to discuss religion or politics in the chat room. I am not sure how to handle this when several people decide to get into a discussion. I did try to say we don't discuss religion or politics here but was taken as being pushy by myself and another person :) I did think what I typed did come out sort of bossy. I decided not to get into the conversation. It really wasn't about a specific religion but about each person's higher powers touched on religious beliefs. Well correction, someone brought up Scientology of which I added that we may have a person in the room that is a Scientologist (topic was not  going positive) I think the outcome of the discussion was not positive and people's feelings may have been hurt. We should not have to defend our HPs here in a way we have to defend our beliefs. Was I wrong in typing we do not disucss religion our politics in the room or was I in fact being pushy and out of line? I did detatch from the conversation and in fact did not even follow the transcript but tried to talk of something fun and light at the time. It seemed since everyone was involved in the conversation so I just detatched and let go and took what I wanted and left the rest.

Another concern I have is about getting kicked out of the room while idle. I would like to see this brought up at the upcoming business meeting. There are times when I need to leave my computer chair and may not be back in a speedy manner. There are times I am in a private conversation and evidentally we are suppose to type in the chat room once in awhile? I am not really sure on this being idle guideline since it is not consitently enforced in the room.The time for being idle seems to be way to short too. It also is a concern to me since I have been getting ponged out alot lately and if I am to get kicked out from being idle then it may be difficult for some of us to get back into the room. The first time I was kicked out of room, which I believe the message says that we are kicked out, I took it personally since I was new and thought I was kicked out for something I said. I know the rules are written for us to read but if others are like me we read them and don't quite understand them or read them and forget or watch how the rules are "inconsitently" handled in the room and wonder why all of a sudden the so called "norm" rules have changed. By norm I mean if certain guidelines are followed for an extended period of time they are they not the new guidelines? Things sure can get confusing when there is not consitency in guidelines. I would hate to see new people not coming back thinking they were kicked out of the room. cdb

hi cdb, I too was uncomfortable about having religion in the chat room and in meetings. My A is Hindu, and when he ever goes to AA meetings he comments how Christian they are. I want neutral as I believe our tradition calls, but I too had to take what I want and leave the rest. If my A balks at the religion of the meetings, I have to know he is looking for a reason the meeting doesn't work for him, instead of looking for similarities. If we try to follow the traditions, that's what is important. thanks for the topics.

Jill

I agree cdb and it was always our policy not to talk about any specific religion. It is ok to say what religion you might be, if you want to share who your hp is, fine. But we share our experience, and sometimes we explain why. Like what makes me not get a divorce. I never push it on anyone else. This feels right for ME. Oh I got bonked out the other day. Was my fault though. I got so into the meeting I forgot to sign in. We used to be more tight in the room. I mean we knew each other and we were more bonded. So we did not ban or kick as much as we knew Tahoe was putting his cloths in the dryer, or BD went out to have a cigarette. Or lulu was checking her kids, or I was running outside becuz I thought I heard something. dogs barking brb. Once I had to evict someone and everyone stayed on to wait for me to make sure I was ok. Things are not the same. Many times I am not comfortable in the room becuz people are being rude. Or they will be on some silly thing having fun, someone comes in for alanon help, and most keep on with the silly stuff as one person responds to them. This is not the rooms intention. John did not mean for it to be a chat room only, the primary purpose is to share alanon, laugh and heal, comfort and support. The op in the room should have taken care of it. I tried to get the program to be an op but could not figure it out. I am hoping the ibm think pad I have will work so I can do it. I am always glad to see your concerns cdb. I wish so much you would have been here when I first started many years ago. We had so much fun, I learned so much. The atmosphere changes all the time. I won't put up with bs. It is our service to alanon to keep this home a home and to follow years old beliefs and guidelines. loves ya girlie poo, debilyn

Thanks Jill and Debilyn for your replies. I just want to say that the room is still like how debilyn explained it to be when she use to come. There are times though when things are not that way. An OP (operator,monitor,person in red) may not be present or maybe they are not at their computer,,,who knows. When new OPs come on board they try to follow the rules according to the exact way they are and that is where problems occur too. I feel bad for the new OPs that are trying so hard to follow the rules/guidelines by the book. That is my concern. I think it is important for communication to occur often and to everyone. What will probably happen is this may be brought up at the business meetings we have here once a month and the group can talk about this. Maybe there are more people here too then when debilyn use to come,,,I am not sure. We had 37 people at a meeting here a few days ago! That was the most I have ever seen at a meeting. I guess I am concerned about the unity of the group and to have everyone feel comfortable and safe. Thanks again for your replies. cdb :)

 

Boy, the memories in reading Deb's reply....I can remember those days, they were good.  I'm always sorry to see oldtimers not come in as much as they used to (for whatever reasons they have).  Newcomers are important, but we DO need the oldtimers too.  I sure miss those who are gone or who only come in infrequently now.  Miss the ESH they had to share, and how they'd help to steer the conversations back towards Alanon.  I see the room fluctuate, some days better than others....guess it's just like the real world....things are constantly changing.   Thanks all for sharing.

Luv, Kis

Hi all,

You are right Cdb, religion and politics are two subjects that should be avoided in alanon chat rooms...and pretty well anywhere else a diverse group of people gather as they are very divisive subjects....and here in alanon we definately need unity!  Reminding people of that when the subjects go a little too far down the road is not being bossy in my opinion.

As to the "state" of the chatroom.  Well,, the past is gone.  People come and people go....some very strong alanon people that I learned so much from when I first came into the chat room no longer come.   Why is their business.  I can wish that if they stopped coming because they didnt like the way the room was becoming or because they had a conflict with somebody else in the room, that they could put principles before personalities and come back so that we could benefit from their ES&H.  And so that they could benefit, from giving of themselves, and from learning from all of us.

Like I said, I wish I could have them return.  But I can't do that.  What I can do is try to pass on what I learned from them and to continue to learn and grow in the program one day at a time.  

I too have seen times when someone has come in for help that perhaps some folks in the room were having a good time and didnt stop (I might have even been one of them ).  Laughing and being silly in the chat room has so enriched my life the last few months.  And helped me to get through the toughest time of my life so far, with a smile some days!  I am so grateful for that.  But I agree sometimes the silliness needs to stop. 

I love the declaration... "When anyone, anywhere reaches of for help, let the hand of Al-Anon always be there, and Let it Begin with Me".   

Yours in Recovery,

David

cdb,

   What a good topic!  This is why I actually prefer coming to the message board more now than I used to.  I do not mind when someone may say what religion or religious faith they are (or that matter, agnostic or atheist).  That is their choice.  I have on occasion told the room that my addict is a practicing Buddhist and I am not.  I was brought up in a home where faith played a part, but certainly wasn't forced upon us, and for that I am extremely grateful.  But to linger in the room and start telling people they should believe a certain way and whatnot is not cool and not real appropriate, in my opinion.  Thanks for the topic-  Dana