I've posted before about the trials and tribulations of my binge drinking hubby who went to rehab and now has relapsed in a way that is unimaginable. I think he drank for nearly a week straight (his own words) and he cried on the phone to me that he never did anything like that before and he knew he needed to get back to rehab. He has been away from the house that whole time and he was asking to come home. I said he could not come home unless he went back to rehab. He said he would go, came and took some stuff and now it's been 2 more weeks and he's still out there--drinking, drugging, living on credit, has no job. I have talked to him sporadically and he always says the same thing "I'm going to get help, I'll be home soon."
I keep telling him he can't come home. We have 2 small children ages 3 and 1. I just cannot believe he is doing this. He was a really good daddy before. He was never abusive to us in any way. Never drank around the house. Worked, helped around the house, etc. And now he's just gone from our lives like he was never here. It's 3 weeks today. That's a long time. I have an appt with a lawyer on Mon and my intention is to file for divorce. I feel something drastic has to happen here. I don't even have an address for him.
The reality is that I have been getting by on my own and I guess I can continue to do so. It's hard being a single mom and I don't have a lot of help---I literally can do nothing for myself or by myself but I've been fortunate to get a cheap babysitter for 2 days a week. I will need to work more than that eventually but odat.....Thank god, my children are my life right now.
It does feel good to write it all out. I have been isolating myself a bit and not telling everyone about the situation. I think I secretly hope he will stop this ridiculous behavior before it's too late and get happy and healthy---I think it's already too late. Too much wreckage! I think rehab opened some flood gates for him and he couldn't handle it.
If you've read this far, thank you. I Know we're all doing the best we can the best way we know how. God bless,
mom to 2
Idealsummerluv said
Jun 25, 2005
I am sorry you are going thru all this. I hate what alcohol does to our loved ones when they abuse it.
Living one day at a time helps. Sometimes it comes down to one hour, one minute at a time. You have 2 beautiful children and they need their mother. Alanon teaches us we cannot change anyone else, only ourselves. And that we need to take care of ourselves, we are #1 and that is not being selfish.
I hope you find other sources of support and maybe get a chance to get to a mtg. When I first came to alanon, it was suggested I not make any decisions regarding divorce for 6 months. The situation can improve. But of course, what you decide is enitirely up to you.
Take care.
elizabeth said
Jun 25, 2005
you are going through such a difficult time right now and i feel for you. going to a lawyer is a big step. keeping silent and not sharing your heartache is keeping you prisoner. the lawyer should be able to tell you your rights and get you moving in the right direction. good luck
lin0606 said
Jun 25, 2005
I bet it feels like a house fell on you, all of this out of the sky.
You're doing the right thing, focusing on yourself and the kids. Who knows what will get him on track, or if he ever will.
david62 said
Jun 25, 2005
((((mom to 2))))
I know that this is a hard time for you, but it sounds like you are taking good steps to taking care of you and your babies. My heart goes out to you. Just wanted to tell you we are here for you and that we love you.
Yours in Recovery,
David
kismetstrand said
Jun 25, 2005
((((mom to 2)))))
So glad you are here and sharing with us. Whatever your decisions may be, know that we are here to support you and to care. You sound like a strong woman. I'm sure you will do fine. Yes, it is hard being a single mom. I had to leave my ex also. I had 4 children, the youngest only being 2 months old at that time. I had no money, no job, just a high school education and a few semesters of community college from years ago. I was fortunate to be able to move in with my parents while I was getting on my feet again. I swallowed my pride and went on welfare so I could at least pay for our own food and our portion of bills and not be a burden on my parents. I asked welfare to help me with job training and updating of my skills, and kept insisting they put me in the right classes for that. They did. Eventually I was able to complete my 2 year AA degree in college while also working a student job in one of the offices there. Being a single mom, I qualified for a lot of programs which paid for just about everything during those school days - the classes, the books, the daycare for kids. Those college years were wonderful. Sure money was real tight (I had moved into my own apartment by then), but the feeling of accomplishment was so good for me. And that new attitude, the good self-esteem, sure helped when I went out into the "real" work world. And ya know, I was okay then being alone. I didn't need a man to complete me. That was a first! LOL
Don't isolate yourself. Instead be good to yourself. I would treat myself to some time alone and some mochas at a coffeeshop by the college, and I ended up being friends with most of the employees there, the owner, and some of the regulars who also hung out. People of all ages. It was a great place to go to when I needed some adult conversation and a bit of time away from the kids.
So glad you are here! Keep coming back!
Luv, Kis
cdb said
Jun 25, 2005
Hello mom of 2,
My heart goes out to you ((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))
It sounds like you are doing what you need to for you and the kids. As long as you are married you also have to suffer the consequences of his charging money etc. He will always be their daddy, so by you working your alanon program, it will help you to understand this awful, horrible, heart wrenching disease as well as how to live with it. It will also help you to be a better person for you and your kids. Some people will stop coming to alanon when they divorce and then find they need it afterall. I am sure your spouse really wants to stop but the disease is so hard to stop while they are using. I am coming from the point of my 21 year old daughter who has alcoholism/ drug addiction. I would hope if she were using and left her family that they would choose to go on with out her too. It is their choice to continue using and to not get help. They all seem to have their own bottoms and some never do hit a bottom. I sure don't sound very positive right now. My daughter is in recovery now and recently relapsed but seems to have gotten herself back on track. My daughter has been missing at times for weeks at a time too. I am not sure what I would do if it were my spouse. I just make sure I pray to my HP/God for guidance in making decisions as to not make a hasty quick decision. Prayers going out for you from me right now. I will put you on my prayer list. Keep on working your program and posting here. Sometimes it is best not to share our personal struggles with outside people who don't understand. your friend in recovery , cdb
mom to 2 said
Jun 26, 2005
I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words and understanding. It's so much easier to post here where people have been through the same things. I really don't know anyone close to me who's been through anything like this. Some friends and family seem to think "you're better off without him." That's not entirely true. I'm better off without the addict but not the person inside. He used to be mostly the person inside and now he's only the addict.
I am strong and I know what I have to do. The very expensive lawyer will probably have some sage advice that I hope I am strong enough to follow. I am so blessed to have a well paying job but I have been lucky enough to work parttime since I had the children---that will not be an option at this point.
Kis-Your story is so inspirational. My children are a little older and I have a good job already. I'm afraid that we won't be able to afford to stay in our house with 1 income though.
Hi all,
I've posted before about the trials and tribulations of my binge drinking hubby who went to rehab and now has relapsed in a way that is unimaginable. I think he drank for nearly a week straight (his own words) and he cried on the phone to me that he never did anything like that before and he knew he needed to get back to rehab. He has been away from the house that whole time and he was asking to come home. I said he could not come home unless he went back to rehab. He said he would go, came and took some stuff and now it's been 2 more weeks and he's still out there--drinking, drugging, living on credit, has no job. I have talked to him sporadically and he always says the same thing "I'm going to get help, I'll be home soon."
I keep telling him he can't come home. We have 2 small children ages 3 and 1. I just cannot believe he is doing this. He was a really good daddy before. He was never abusive to us in any way. Never drank around the house. Worked, helped around the house, etc. And now he's just gone from our lives like he was never here. It's 3 weeks today. That's a long time. I have an appt with a lawyer on Mon and my intention is to file for divorce. I feel something drastic has to happen here. I don't even have an address for him.
The reality is that I have been getting by on my own and I guess I can continue to do so. It's hard being a single mom and I don't have a lot of help---I literally can do nothing for myself or by myself but I've been fortunate to get a cheap babysitter for 2 days a week. I will need to work more than that eventually but odat.....Thank god, my children are my life right now.
It does feel good to write it all out. I have been isolating myself a bit and not telling everyone about the situation. I think I secretly hope he will stop this ridiculous behavior before it's too late and get happy and healthy---I think it's already too late. Too much wreckage! I think rehab opened some flood gates for him and he couldn't handle it.
If you've read this far, thank you. I Know we're all doing the best we can the best way we know how. God bless,
mom to 2
I am sorry you are going thru all this. I hate what alcohol does to our loved ones when they abuse it.
Living one day at a time helps. Sometimes it comes down to one hour, one minute at a time. You have 2 beautiful children and they need their mother. Alanon teaches us we cannot change anyone else, only ourselves. And that we need to take care of ourselves, we are #1 and that is not being selfish.
I hope you find other sources of support and maybe get a chance to get to a mtg. When I first came to alanon, it was suggested I not make any decisions regarding divorce for 6 months. The situation can improve. But of course, what you decide is enitirely up to you.
Take care.
((((mom to 2))))
I know that this is a hard time for you, but it sounds like you are taking good steps to taking care of you and your babies. My heart goes out to you. Just wanted to tell you we are here for you and that we love you.
Yours in Recovery,
David
((((mom to 2)))))
So glad you are here and sharing with us. Whatever your decisions may be, know that we are here to support you and to care. You sound like a strong woman. I'm sure you will do fine. Yes, it is hard being a single mom. I had to leave my ex also. I had 4 children, the youngest only being 2 months old at that time. I had no money, no job, just a high school education and a few semesters of community college from years ago. I was fortunate to be able to move in with my parents while I was getting on my feet again. I swallowed my pride and went on welfare so I could at least pay for our own food and our portion of bills and not be a burden on my parents. I asked welfare to help me with job training and updating of my skills, and kept insisting they put me in the right classes for that. They did. Eventually I was able to complete my 2 year AA degree in college while also working a student job in one of the offices there. Being a single mom, I qualified for a lot of programs which paid for just about everything during those school days - the classes, the books, the daycare for kids. Those college years were wonderful. Sure money was real tight (I had moved into my own apartment by then), but the feeling of accomplishment was so good for me. And that new attitude, the good self-esteem, sure helped when I went out into the "real" work world. And ya know, I was okay then being alone. I didn't need a man to complete me. That was a first! LOL
Don't isolate yourself. Instead be good to yourself. I would treat myself to some time alone and some mochas at a coffeeshop by the college, and I ended up being friends with most of the employees there, the owner, and some of the regulars who also hung out. People of all ages. It was a great place to go to when I needed some adult conversation and a bit of time away from the kids.
So glad you are here! Keep coming back!
Luv, Kis
Hello mom of 2,
My heart goes out to you ((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))
It sounds like you are doing what you need to for you and the kids. As long as you are married you also have to suffer the consequences of his charging money etc. He will always be their daddy, so by you working your alanon program, it will help you to understand this awful, horrible, heart wrenching disease as well as how to live with it. It will also help you to be a better person for you and your kids. Some people will stop coming to alanon when they divorce and then find they need it afterall. I am sure your spouse really wants to stop but the disease is so hard to stop while they are using. I am coming from the point of my 21 year old daughter who has alcoholism/ drug addiction. I would hope if she were using and left her family that they would choose to go on with out her too. It is their choice to continue using and to not get help. They all seem to have their own bottoms and some never do hit a bottom. I sure don't sound very positive right now. My daughter is in recovery now and recently relapsed but seems to have gotten herself back on track. My daughter has been missing at times for weeks at a time too. I am not sure what I would do if it were my spouse. I just make sure I pray to my HP/God for guidance in making decisions as to not make a hasty quick decision. Prayers going out for you from me right now. I will put you on my prayer list. Keep on working your program and posting here. Sometimes it is best not to share our personal struggles with outside people who don't understand. your friend in recovery , cdb
I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words and understanding. It's so much easier to post here where people have been through the same things. I really don't know anyone close to me who's been through anything like this. Some friends and family seem to think "you're better off without him." That's not entirely true. I'm better off without the addict but not the person inside. He used to be mostly the person inside and now he's only the addict.
I am strong and I know what I have to do. The very expensive lawyer will probably have some sage advice that I hope I am strong enough to follow. I am so blessed to have a well paying job but I have been lucky enough to work parttime since I had the children---that will not be an option at this point.
Kis-Your story is so inspirational. My children are a little older and I have a good job already. I'm afraid that we won't be able to afford to stay in our house with 1 income though.
mom to 2