I don't know what is going on with me right now.  I am getting that I'm too busy for Al-anon attitude.  I think it is because there is nicer weather and I want to just enjoy it but then again I sit around a lot doing nothing.

I am very frustrated with myself.  I find myself finding some real solutions to my problems, like ignoring the drinking and trying to relax and have fun or deciding to ask for what I want and be attentive to my needs, I start getting overwhelmed and slip big time.  I am having such a hard time, I know I am doing stuff still after all this time so that he will grow up and quit drinking.  I have got to stop but I'm not sure how to.  Ok I know how but it is like I have a split personality and the one half does what is best and the other fights with me to react even if it isn't the best thing to do.

I don't know what to do, how do I end the fight with myself and keep me on the right track???

Holly

Hi , I know exactly what you mean, I feel like I am fighting with my inner demons all the time.  I think the big improvement is that you are aware when you are slipping and this in itself is a big improvement .  I am told get your body there and your mind will follow.  So I am doing what i know is right , but doesnot necessarily feel right (if you know what I mean lol!)

Sometimes I feel I was better off when I was ignorant and knew no better. But there again Ignorance certainly is not bliss when you love an alocohic.

All can say is , just be kind to yourself, dont expect miracles and take little steps.

Much Love

Melanie

Hang in there, noone is saying you have to be perfect at this.

It's hard for me as well, this summer, it's so nice I just want to forget it all and have fun.  The only thing I'm holding onto right now is that one day at a time thing.  It has never made more sense to me before now.  If I get caught up in what is going on tomorrow I get all stressed out and frustrated etc.  YOu know the routine right?

drop into a meeting tonight -

 

 

 

 

I don't know why I do what I do either.   I do stuff I know isn't so good and know I will pay later.  One example is logging my checks but not doing the substracting part.   Then getting a shock when I find out the balance from the bank.   You'd think I would have learned the first time.  I know this is something minor and not related to living with an active a, but I live with a recovering a and my father still drinks.  And I am just trying to apply alanon steps to everything in my life.

See,  I still have it in my that I need to justify myself.   Just like at Weight Watchers, I had lost the most that week.   And I felt I needed to add "Well,  I really worked for that weight loss."

Sorry to get off topic here when this was your share.

"I know I am  doing stuff still after all this time so that he will grow up and quit drinking."   Perhaps remember the 3 c's:  I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it.    And maybe think of believing we can find serenity whether or not the alcoholic is drinking or not.

I am dragging my body to alanon this morning and hopefully my mind will follow cause right now, it  doesn't care to go.

I wish you well.

Holly,,,,,rest asure that we all slip,,we have bad days and good days. We feel like we can conquer the world,,then other days ,,we feel soooo low. When we are having one of our down days,,talking with someone in alanon, sharing our feelings, we somehow can answer our own questions on the why's of it all, or we get feedback to get us back on track. We cannot make choices for othe people but we certainly can make choices for ourselves. We can choose to NOT let someone affect us, no matter what they do, and go about the day as best as we can. We can choose to either sit on the pity pot and wallow in it,,or we can choose to get off and start the day all over again with a positive outlook. We can choose to pack up the kids and go to the park,,and enjoy life, or we can go out alone, even to window shop. We can read a good book, or take a nice bubble bath. But first and foremost, we must take care of ourselves, and remember,,we cannot make choices for other people, even those most important in our lives, but we can make choices for ourselves!

gardengal

Hi,

There are good days and bad days.A suggestion start journaling if you arent .and remember feelings are not always facts.I am proud of you , you sence the trigger and you reached out some of me dont see it till the hurricane is here. Good work .

dori

Hi...at least you can see yourself slipping.  The replies were really good, so I'll just say, my thoughts are with you.

I let myself just about slip away...felt like I had all the tools, and just let them rust.  Use them!

It's easy sometimes, just to coast.  Maybe that's what's best for a short time.  With me,  I almost let myself go back to where I was sucked into the insanity.

So...work your program the best you can for awhile, so you don't lose it.

Thinking of you, G

Thanks everyone,

    Its so great to have your support, it really helps.  I am really trying to keep up the good work I know I have done and to focus on the good.  Every minute of every day is a struggle and I often worry when I have nothing that I am worrying about.  If you get my drift.  Waiting for the next crisis.  I am really trying to STOP waiting and work on making good days.

 

Thanks Again for listening

Holly

This is a program of progress, not perfection. Each person is different, and works the steps at their own pace. I work a lot, so I dont always have a chance to get to my f2f meetings. But, I try to attend the meetings here, even if I am totally exhausted, and unable to really type. I just listen, to the situations that are so familiar to my life, to the ES&H. We are by no means perfect, everyone has their flaws. We all slip in one way another, to the tremendous stress, pain, and anguish that this disease dishes out on us each day. At times I find myself yelling at my A when he has just been layin around all day while I was out working, and I come home and have to do all of the things that he probably should have done, if he showed the slightest hint of initative. We cannot get through this alone, and that is why there is alanon. Just keep coming and things will change for you, as long as you work this program for all its worth. Everyone deserves serenity, and I often wonder why I give mine up so easily. I know in my heart that I just have to keep keepin on, HP has a plan for me, and that is all that matters to me now. buzzfree