Hey,

 Some said they read my post to browneyes and said they couldnt bleive all the hate and bitterness in me.I felt bad I thought oh my what did I say I went back to the post .I read it and I stand on it.But I also know their is some truth in what she said to me.I did ask my God my father to help me deal with bitterness and anger .

Had I gotten so angry that I let bitterness in.The answer is yes.No secret yes I haven been dealth some bad hands but God has brought me out of the debt of hell and how easy is to go back and walk in the bitterness and anger.We do not like when people point out our faults but I today am thankful for deb who has the courage to say hey look .

Ican not control or change the hurt and the pain from all the incest and abuse and on and on i sufferend but I can work on me where I know i got so much to be thankful for .

I aslo thought my ex a are all dead or some where I cant ever speak to them and how easy it is to come on a post and a chat room and yell at the person who is saying the things they did  and i can solve my frustrationm but all it does it make me bitter and hateful and God didnt save me from all of this to show that side.

I make amends to any one I could od said the words softer or nicer or the words should of been said a better way. i cant control your lives no more than i could control this  the part deb didnt see or browneyes or richard is the tremdous saddness and hurt behind the anger.

so how do we do amends when they are dead we treat others different you can be my sister my mom oh my dad all dead oh the love of my life liveing with someone new he met at aa  so as i said on my AMENDS this is truly my ameds i am sorry for my outburst of anger rage it wasnt against you it was for the dead.

i am sorry

dori

 

Dearest Dori, If you will look at my post to you, the second paragraph, says I felt you were 'full of pain a bitterness. So ya see sweetie I did say you are hurting!! That is what I meant by pain!! I could feel it in you. And after all you have been thru, and seen others go thru, it is perfectly normal! It hits me hard to feel you like this becuz my sweet Mother carried bitterness about how 'my father treated us kids and her. She never let it go. And I believe that is what encouraged her cancer to grow!! That I why I invite you to find the light of life. Of course that bad stuff will take awhile to dissolve. But the more you see and feel creation, the realy neat stuff, the more you can let go of the pain and the hurt. I feel the pain in my past going further and further away. Life is so hard, it just is. But the world also still has some beauty in it, some wonder too. I don't believe you have anything to apologise for!!! You are not a sorry person. You are growing and learning and beautiful!! I think people are at their best when they are grieving and being real. So girl, you bet I knew you hurt!! I was shocked at the end of your post actually. I believe it was becuz I think the gal was new and I felt a sting when I read it. But then I am such a wus and over sensitive, and a BIT eccentric... SO! What wonderful things are you going to do for you? Hey come visit me in Oregon. We can hike and look under rocks, go to Walmart and look in the baskets and boxes of free kittens, go park by some construction site and watch those cool guys work, drink lemonade and you can have some of my great fruit soup... I can give ya a Potter's Eden take me awaaaaaay. Hugs hon, love,debilyn who is proud of you for throwing this crap out of you!!

Just wanted to add one small thing - we forgive not for the sake of those who hurt us, but for ourselves. When we just set that ugly burden down, our own lives are so much cleaner and happier. Many of my own issues are also with someone who is dead. It really makes no difference - she is alive in my memory, and that is where I have to come to terms with her. I wish I could ask "Why?' and get an answer, but that was not possible even when she was alive. So, I have to "accept the things I cannot change"

Hey Debilyn, Can I come out for the soup too???

You are so wise, in regards to the "bitter buildup".  I think I have it, and I'm afraid it could cause the cancer cells in me to rear their ugly head.  Over half my dad's family had cancer, and where not hereditary, it still scares me.

Pray for me today, that the bitterness in my heart can be turned over to my HP, and I can just let that go too.

Didn't even realize how heavy it was on my heart until I read your response.  Obviously, I'm not working very hard today, as I've been on here several times.  Ha...just my ME day. 

Again, thank you for all you help us, and my prayers are with you for your upcoming tests.

G

Dori, you touch my heart in a deep way, and I am led to answer your post. There is no reason why you should not feel bitterness and anger at what you have been through in your life. It would be surprising if you did not feel these emotions. But remember this Dori: What has happened to you cannot be undone. Never in this life will the facts go away. So you must deal with them and place them in their proper perspective. All of us, in a greater or lesser manner than you, have dealt with crushing heartache and/or defeat. But during the surprisingly short time we have on Earth, we must take all the happiness we can, and that means letting go of the past. Put it where it belongs; behind you. Tomorrow is another day and with that day will come a chance to turn your back on your misfortune. There are so many reasons out there to smile. Count your blessings, and attempt, for you own sake, to find joy in the new day the Lord has given you. With best wishes, Diva