I am so angry tonight and don't know why.  I posted earlier about expectations.  I realize that I cannot impose my will on anyone else, especially an addict.  But, I am still angry and wondering how he can be so stupid. How can he not see things as I do?  Why doesn't he understand?  Last night he burned a hole in my three month old sofa because he fell asleep smoking.  today he fell asleep smoking in the bed.  He doesn't think he has a problem.  Sometimes he will say he has a problem but refuses to get help.  He will tell me that he needs to work harder at staying clean.  I have accepted another position with the company I am with and it looks as if I will have to tell them I changed my mind.  It would be a pay increase to take it, but it would mean for me to be on call a lot and I would have to depend on him to be more responsible.  I just don't feel like I can depend on him for anything. 

(((((((((((((((((((Powerless))))))))))))))))))))) It begins with you and do for you hun I understand your anger been there many times with lost jobs and false promises from my A 2 there are many obstacles we can overcome if we search hard enough good luck love and prayers to U and your family. Always cloud

Powerless,

I my short experience with this way living, it seems best and easiest to have no expectations of the A.  I too counted on mine to watch the children when I worked and I kept having problems at the last minute.  I've now spent a considerable amt of time finding babysitters that I pay and I am resentful but at leas it's covered.  Sadly, we can't count on them for anything.

I do just as well here alone.  At least I don't feel the life sucking resentment as I watch him lying on the couch doing nothing.

I hope happiness finds all of us.

mom to 2

Hi I Powerless What will it take? You cannot watch him 24/7 only God can. When my husband was very very bad last year I told him I would hire a big brawny guy to watch him 24/7 and clean up his messes and drag him to bed. I found alanon and he found sobriety for 5 months. He had: started several fires in the kitchen when cooking while drunk. Ruined every single one of our pots Left the garage open with the inside door open overnight many times until I started checking this Drove drunk and endangered peoples lives. And still I lived with him. I was insane, I was in great great pain I crawled on my bloody knees to alanon. I had no vehicle rode my bike there at night in the dark. I listened, I went back. I read books, many many books. I shared my hell I listened to others share their hell I kept reading alanon. I started working the steps. I grew stronger I kept reading the literature I kept going to meetings My A husband kept drinking and verbally abusing me and causing chaos in my home I grew strong I bought a truck I left. My family and friends could not be happier with my decision His family is happy I am finding peace Take what you like and leave the rest My Aunt asked me why I finally left and I said, he scratched my truck with his bike when he was drunk

Powerless Megan is so right on. Especially with "if you want the things you never had you have to do the things you've had to do before". I have to remind my self of this so often when I'm frozen in my misery. That list is also a great reminder of where I've been and why I need to keep moving forward. And that is just what 'm going to do today. The sun is out and I'm out of here. Thanks Megan for waking me up yet again. Whitie