I am new in Alanon.  I went to a few meetings and people gave me call lists and a few even gave me their numbers. I don't know what to do or say when I call.  The meetings I went to I started to cry.  My son just got back from treatment and has slipped a few times.  I had a meltdown on Friday and don't know where to start to get the help I need.  There is a lot of pain in my heart.  A lot of feelings have been coming up about growing up in an alcoholic home with a lot of abuse.  The feelings come in a rush.  It is pretty scarry.  I know I need to take care of myself,  but it is hard getting off my butt to reach out.  Sometimes I feel immobile.

 

Hi Finishgal, welcome. This is the right place for you, this and your F2F meetings. I can't remember how many meetings I sat through crying the whole meeting. Week after week. Eventually the tears dried up. I kept going back because I felt better bit by bit.

You can learn to take care of you and let your son's higher power take care of him. You will have tools to help yourself on meltdown days, and people who understand exactly what you are experiencing. No matter what, there are some of us who understand and have experienced what you have. I hope you can attend online meetings and visit this message board.

Jill

Hi Finishgal Have you started reading any of the ala-non books? There are many available and they are available here online and also at ftf meetings. The more you read the more it helps. You'll learn how to deal with situations so you're more in control. You might also try different meeting as they are all a little different with different people. They recommend that you try 6 meetings before you decide if this is for you. I can tell you that this program gave me the strengtht to get me back. I was so focused on the alcoholic in my life that I had no life of my own. I ssuppose everyone gets different things out of this program as they need it. I feel strong today and still have meltdowns but I get back on track much easier these days. Keep coming back! Whitie

Hi Finishgal

Welcome

I am so sorry you are in pain, but so glad you found us

I am a lazy typist ... I just typed a somewhat long reply to a post called "FIRST TIMER"  I hope you will read it , as it is the same thing I would say to you ....

I hope you keep coming back it works

I LOVE the literature ...you can get them online at ebay or amazon.com used for less $$ if $ is an issue ....or post here and ask if anyone has any they want to send out for free, sometimes people do

I hope you can come to our online meetings , they have saved my life

*HUGS* Welcome aboard

Love in recovery,

Fiona

 

Hi finishgal - Welcome - yes you are in the right place. You will find love and understanding here and also in your face-to-face meetings. Try to use your phone list. Even if you can't talk or don't know what to say we will understand and talk to you. You see we were there ourselves and sometimes still are. For me a phone call from another Al-Aanon - especially a newcomer - is the most important part of my day. It reminds me of where I was and how much better my life is with the program in my life. It also allows me to give back what was so freely given to me when I was a newcomer. So go to your meetings and make phone calls even if you can't talk - we need you. Love and hugs - Dot

I agree, make those phone calls. You may only say "wanna have coffee?" and get together just for a short safe time with someone who knows what you are going through. Even if you can't talk about it, with an alanoner, you don't have to pretend to be cheery and bright, can just cry if that's what you need. Sometimes we just need to get out of the house and away from the merry go round of our thoughts. We all have 'slips' - times when we forget all we have learned and just melt down, or rage, or succomb to despair. Over time, though, if you are trying to work your program, these slips will be less serious, and you will get back on track faster. Then comes the great day when you avoid one all together, and deal with a crisis in a healthier way! I find that my own slips help me understand the A, too. If it's this hard for me to change my ways, how hard is it for them, who also have a physical dependancy to fight against?

Hello , glad u posted here today,  there  is always hope don't give up on you. There is nothing we can do about other people but alot we can do for ourselves. You said u don't know where t start  I think u allready have , go back to the meeting it is a safe place to sit and cry no one will tell u to stop or shame you for doing so.

Alcoholism destroys families wether u drink it or not  , it's important that we too recover. Acceptance is truly the answer to our problems. Detachment will help restore some order to your life.   go to meetings , come here and post and come into the chat room. you need support u don't have to do thisi alone anymore .      Louise

HI AND WELCOME

I'm glad you found this site.  My first face to face meeting I cryed all the time.  Still cry sometimes.  I love asking ???'s here.  I can think about what I want to say and can cry the whole time and no one knows.  For me it is easier that way.  Keep coming back it will help.

Nikkilou