Hey all,

It is been a while and I am still worknig my program and worknig my steps with my sponsor.This is my problem though I dont want to go to meetings.There are times I think I do not need them and then there are times I just dont want the hassel of it all.I have been in the program 2 years the a in my life is no longer in my life and as most of you know married someone else.I am still stuggling with finding work or full time work and that  takes most of my time.

But this the dilema I cant sleep LIke I can let days pass and no sleep.I want to sometimes just sit and do nothing no talking nothing .Or my favorite thing now is watch meanless tv.Even posting this my tears want to flow.

I feel well and ok and like I am fixing to lose it forver does any thing make sence .I have always been very spiritual and have a close relationship with God and  am stugglnig there too and I dont always go to church cause I want to hide isolate is cause I dont have a godo job yet .

Something happen the other day that scared me and here is the first time I am saying it out loud.I left my a 3 years ago and after he left i swore i never be in another relationship  and i even gained weight so i wouldnt.

My daugther got a new bf and i liked him he seemed nice always looked me in the eye polite real cute so i encourged her well they got in a fight about something and he started to hit her and treathen her she threw him out and has moved on .

it scared me cause i saw i ma still sick i fell for this cute polite kid so i am not well still and i will never be with any one again but part of me is lonely the kdis got about 2 more years at home and i will be alone but as you see the ex a was cute everyone loved him he was  charming like this kid and he was beside a addict a abuser and the meanest man i ever met.

praise God my daugther was smrt let it go quickly but how could i be so blind again.

dori

 

It's really ok to have a pity party sometime. Maybe if you took some baby steps to get out a bit. A walk, lunch w/a friend. I know it'e really hard to feel like you want to do anything at all.. I was there just a few months ago. It scared me when my therapist suggested more anti-depressants. How could I not be more in control of my life? So, slowly I MADE myself do some activity that I love. It is slow but the journey is worth it. You're worth it. Today I'm proud of that journey because it has made me strong. Decide to have a good day and you will. In recovery always, Whitie

Hi Dori,

I'm with Whitie on this one, baby steps.  Take the time to see what's good in your life (your children for instance - and how proud they make you feel) and go with that.  Don't give up on your job search...it will happen.  If you just want to "veg" and watch TV, do it with a friend if you can.  Try to have at least one good hearty belly laugh per day. 

It's easy to be fooled by people, especially people with problems because they typically are masters of disguise.   Be proud of your daughter, it sounds like you have done a terrific job raising her.  Good for you.

Take care

Bonnie

Hi dori!  Sounds to me it could be a number of things--the no sleep part.  Depression, and not sleeping, changing hormone levels, (don't know your age)  [peri-menopause or premenopausal]

A good checkup with your doctor for a depression screening, or hormonal testing, blood pressure check, thyorid check, etc.

Gosh, sometimes after 2 1/2 years of hard work in program, I want to chuck it, too.  Find something to do, rest wise, vacation wise, and enjoy it--you have earned it!

And pat yourself on the back--you recognized that another "alcoholic/addict" has been presented to you.  At least, keep on with your program to keep your focus and your progress to this date.  It can help you walk away from what's not good for you, and toward what is.

Keep coming back!            Love, wallsal   ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))

Dori, I am glad you reached out to post something. That's a step forward in terms of breaking your self-imposed isolation. I would consider getting a full physical checkup just to be sure you don't have a medical reason for any of your symptoms... If you don't have insurance, even free health clinics will give you a check up. Keep coming back and take care. Love and hugs, Jessi