Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we close ourselves off from a person we're in a relationship with. Our body may be present, but we're not.

Shutting don, shutting off, closing ourselves and removing our emotionsl presence from a relationship is a powerful tool. We need to use it carefully and responsibly. To achieve intimacy and closeness in a realtionship, we need to be present emotionally.  We need to be available.

I do this with out even noticing!! eeekkk! I don't just do this with my hubby but with everyone, including friends, my alanon group, and here.  I know this is a huge defect of my character and the ones who suffer the most are my children.  I am so sory that I do this.  I know why and at times it is a survival thing but with thoes who are trying to be there for me do not deserve it!!! 

I am realizing that I do this and that is good and hopefully I will come to see it before it happens.

My HP was at work when SIL pointed this out to me and showed me a reading she had come across.  In a kind way she was saying wake up and smell the roses.  So yesterday when my AA friend had called me and I brushed him off saying I'm just in a funk "you know" and said bye. Sheesh I owed him an appology because he has my best interest in heart and is just trying to help!! So I called him and low and behold I did a 12 step call for him and it helpped me ALOT!!!

I just wanted to share this with you guys because hey I know that I am not the only one that does this.  Just noticing it does help bring myself out of it.  Putting the steps back to work is so important!!

Love your friend in recovery
JJ

JJ

what a great reminder - for so many years I did that when husband was active.  I still find myself doing it every once in a while.  And here I thought I was the only one.  I have to remind myself not to but sometimes I dont even know that is what I am doing. 

Fortunately, I rebound quicker these days - I will use the tools of this program to help me get back to where I need to be. 

Again thanks - what a wise person you are.

Karen

 

JJ I know I do this with my a husband. I think I do it to protect myself so I'm less involved when he disappoints me once again. I imagine this is a very common trait w/ala-noner's Until I read your post I hadn't thought about how much I do this in other relationships. My family growing up didn't talk about anything important. Shutting down was normal, especially when 4 older siblings knocked you down all the time. Every day is another chance to work this program, odat! Thanks to you for reminding me of that.. Whitie

JJ, I love the concept in program about how sometimes choosing not to act can sometimes be the action we need to take! This reminds me that witholding can actually be a loving thing for me and the other person involved depending on the circumstances. I have definitely experienced this behavior with friends, family and ex's. Sometimes I need that time out to get clear about what MY part in the situation is or what action I want to take next for MYSELF. Thanks for the post. Love and hugs, Jessi