I keep trying to remind myself that I hate his addiction and not him.  It is his addiction that causes the behavior I am seeing.  He tried to draw me into an arguement today, although I responded, I caught myself and let it go.  He found someone to buy his pickup truck for $3,000.  I was a little upset since I paid $13,000 for it, but then tried to look at the bright side.  It's money we don't have and it will help us catch up on bills and buy groceries.  I am just so frustrated.  I told him I felt that way because it's stressful because my paycheck can't support all five of us.

Whenever I struggled to separate him from his addiction, it helped me to remember that he was very very sick with a disease, and that he didn't even realize it.  When I thought along those lines, most of the time my anger would be replaced by sympathy.

Because we are human and suffer from the human condition of imperfection, it is only natural that we sometimes begin to hate the A as we hate the disease. I know that some of us fight the urge to dislike the A every day. The best we can do is try to remind ourselves that we are all helpless to control this thing called alcoholism, and we gain value and self-respect by talking to those who understand and applying the tenets of Al Anon. I have my disagreements with Al Anon, but all-in-all it keeps our heads above water. It can even allow is to soar to happiness. I hope you are attending meetings. I wish you well. Diva

Powerless, I certainly have ill feelings toward my A.  I just feel that if, indeed, it is a disease, does he have to have such a rotten attitude toward it.  I mean how many times does someone with cancer come banging on your door in the early morning calling you names... or any other disease for that matter. 

I suppose someone who is mentally ill would certainly pose a problem.  Perhaps that is how I should be viewing this disease.  He obviously is mentally ill because he is making such destructive decisions.  He is not good at accepting life and things that happen in life when it applies to him.  And, like your A, he makes terrible decisions, and I am now the main provider of income. 

In all honesty, I can't even look at our relationship as husband/wife or as a family.  He is never here.  He takes no interest in anything that has to do with us or life.  I pay all the bills and take care of most of any problems because he "ignores" just about everything.  I can't count on anything that he says he will do.  I can't give him any money to pay bills or buy anything as it goes right to the bar.

I certainly understand your pain.  Blessings and love to you, Annie