I feel like I am really starting to get steps one and two. My husband has been making a lot of poor choices, but I have not tried to correct him. Even when he asks my opinion I tell him to weight out his options and make his own decisions. his pick up truck is about to be repossessed Friday. I spent a few days worrying over how I am going to come up with the money to save the truck and then realized...it's not my truck and I don't depend on it for transportation. He is currently unemployed. He has lost three jobs in as many months. If he gets a job, great. If he doesn't, we will be no worse off than we are now. My HP is seeing me through.
mom to 2 said
Jun 8, 2005
Hi Powerless,
That's great you are doing so well. How will your A respond if and when the truck gets repossessed?
I am in an interesting situation at the moment. My AH is just out of rehab and he is just not staying sober---to many issues to get into. On Sat he left the house and never came home--never called until Mon night and said he was going to go see the addiction specialist on Wed at 2pm but of course did not. I have 2 small children and depend on him to watch them while I work and I am in a bind for babysitters but I don't care. I have been decluttering the crap he never gets to---I have thrown out at least 20 bags of junk that he has accumulated. I am clearing his crap out of the spare bedroom because I may ask my mom to move in with us. My hubby called about an hour ago and said "I want too come home". I said no. He said "what" and I again said no, to which he responded "Why?" And I said because you got out of rehab 6 weeks ago and have binged 3 times---which I must say is about 100 times worse than before rehab. So he just said goodbye and hung up the phone. I feel great about it. I have a babysitter for work tomorrow and then I am off Fri, Sat, Sun and Mon and Tues. I don't have to worry for 6 days about who will watch my babies.
My house is becoming decluttered along with my head. For the first time in my life I know what will be will be regardless of my actions. That being said, I want him to be sober and happy---but if he's not we will be fine. Now I just have to find a great but cheap babysitter who doesn't mind me working 3-11p.
mom to 2
Maria123 said
Jun 8, 2005
Powerless and Mom,
You both are doing a great job "detaching" and even "with love."
For me, and it sounds like for you also, you are realizing what is your responsibility and what is not. For me, I felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders when I no longer had to take own other's responsibility. I surrendered and it's great.
Stop and enjoy your progress and keep coming,
Maria123
agatha said
Jun 8, 2005
I am so happy for both of you. What an amazing feeling it is when you start to find your own way with or without the A. So great to hear.
Agatha
Jolert said
Jun 9, 2005
Hi Powerless,
I know how hard it is to make a decision to not help your A like that. Mine is now recieving phone calls from whatever loans he took out when he was drinking/using in the last few months. Since I did not know about them and it was his choice I have decided for a change to let them be his problem. It is dificult but somehow easier than swallowing the anger I have felt before finding a way to pay them. Thanks for sharing, it's easier knowing I am not alone.
Jenny
dot said
Jun 9, 2005
Hi to all of you - One More Time the program is working in your lives.
Isn't it amazing how good (and scary) it feels when we finally detach from the a's problems and start to have some control over our own lives.
You are all doing great.
Love and hugs - Dot
Hi Powerless,
That's great you are doing so well. How will your A respond if and when the truck gets repossessed?
I am in an interesting situation at the moment. My AH is just out of rehab and he is just not staying sober---to many issues to get into. On Sat he left the house and never came home--never called until Mon night and said he was going to go see the addiction specialist on Wed at 2pm but of course did not. I have 2 small children and depend on him to watch them while I work and I am in a bind for babysitters but I don't care. I have been decluttering the crap he never gets to---I have thrown out at least 20 bags of junk that he has accumulated. I am clearing his crap out of the spare bedroom because I may ask my mom to move in with us. My hubby called about an hour ago and said "I want too come home". I said no. He said "what" and I again said no, to which he responded "Why?" And I said because you got out of rehab 6 weeks ago and have binged 3 times---which I must say is about 100 times worse than before rehab. So he just said goodbye and hung up the phone. I feel great about it. I have a babysitter for work tomorrow and then I am off Fri, Sat, Sun and Mon and Tues. I don't have to worry for 6 days about who will watch my babies.
My house is becoming decluttered along with my head. For the first time in my life I know what will be will be regardless of my actions. That being said, I want him to be sober and happy---but if he's not we will be fine. Now I just have to find a great but cheap babysitter who doesn't mind me working 3-11p.
mom to 2
Powerless and Mom,
You both are doing a great job "detaching" and even "with love."
For me, and it sounds like for you also, you are realizing what is your responsibility and what is not. For me, I felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders when I no longer had to take own other's responsibility. I surrendered and it's great.
Stop and enjoy your progress and keep coming,
Maria123
I am so happy for both of you. What an amazing feeling it is when you start to find your own way with or without the A. So great to hear.
Agatha
Hi Powerless,
I know how hard it is to make a decision to not help your A like that. Mine is now recieving phone calls from whatever loans he took out when he was drinking/using in the last few months. Since I did not know about them and it was his choice I have decided for a change to let them be his problem. It is dificult but somehow easier than swallowing the anger I have felt before finding a way to pay them. Thanks for sharing, it's easier knowing I am not alone.
Jenny