Hi..my name is Emily and new to the group and to alanon as well.  I've tried calling my sponsors and I cant seem to get a hold of any of them.  So, i thought I would give this a try.  Just when everything seems to be going well problems from my past come back and my fiance always seems to get very jealous about them.  He constantly checks my phone, and recently an x of mine has been trying to contact me.  I'm madly in love with my fiance and everytime something comes up he makes the weirdest comments, like how i could feel attracted to him.  He also comes from an alcoholic family as well.  Soo..does anyone on here have any idea what i could do about this.  My e-mail address is jayhawkgirl188@yahoo.com, and I would really appreciate some words of wisdom.

Thank you and god bless.

Emily , the problem is your boy friends its not up to you to reasure him u care every time he is feeling a little insecure. don't give up your life and friends to please him Like I did, and ya know it was never eough anyway I soon had no friends left and that was a real lonley place to be. You have a right to a life separate from him.  This is his problem, leave it with him.   Louise

Wise and sage advice follows: Go girl! Run fast. This guy is controlling, and a future with him looks bleak. He has zero self-esteem. Remember if you stick with him, it will not get better. You cannot change him. But you CAN change YOU! Good luck, Diva

Emily, my A didn't appear to be jealous until after we were married.  I just could not imagine that he would be the jealous type.  He didn't want me to visit my family--after we were married--and did not approve of my friends.  When one of my acquaintances would come to the door, he would be rude--no one seemed good enough.  After he found out about my past boyfriends (two) before I even knew him, he almost flipped out.  I should never have told him anything (what a way to have a marriage).  He thinks I loved them more, and he was someone I "just married."  He accuses me of having affairs with the strangest people with whom I work.  If someone is friendly to me and we seem to have a "work" connection, he says things like, "he wants to ..."  I shake my head in wonder how I was so blind by my love for him.  I could talk until I was blue in the face, and I don't think he would think any differently.  I have NEVER been unfaithful, but believe me, the thoughts of a better relationship have certainly crossed my mind these past years.  I agree with the others--take care of YOU--YOU deserve someone who will give you the "freedom" that we ALL so richly deserve.  Love and blessings, Annie