I started this program in March.  I was at my bottom, yet I couldn't see up, isn't that ironic.  3 months into this program & it has given me important guidelines.  My hub hasn't changed, & I don't know that he will.  I do know I've changed. 

I used to be angry, upset, lonely, and in despair when he drank.  Now, I'm planning on a job/career soon,  making new friends, & going on mentally.  It sorta just makes me sad now when he drinks.  I can't help but feel like I'm going on without him, yet I don't want to leave him behind.  I can only hope as I go forward, that he'll catch up.

Just wanted to get this off my chest.   

Letting Go of Those Not In Recovery

 

We can go forward with our life and recoveries, even though someone we love is not yet recovering.

 

Picture a bridge.  On one side of the bridge, it is cold and dark.  We stood there with others in the cold and darkness, doubled over in pain.  Some of us developed an eating disorder to cope with the pain.  Some drank; some used other drugs.  Some of us lost control of our sexual behavior.  Some of us obsessively focused on addicted people’s pain to distract us from our own pain.  Many of us did both:  We developed an addictive behavior and distracted ourselves by focusing on other addicted people.  We did not know there was a bridge.  We thought we were trapped on a cliff.

 

Then, some of us got lucky.  Our eyes opened, by the Grace of God, because it was time.  We saw the bridge.  People told us what was on the other side:  Warmth, light, and healing from our pain.  We could barely glimpse or imagine this, but we decided to start the trek across the bridge anyway.

 

We tried to convince the people around us on the cliff that there was a bridge to a better place, but they wouldn’t listen.  They couldn’t see it; they couldn’t believe.  They were not ready for the journey.  We decided to go alone, because we believed and because people on the other side were cheering us onward.   The closer we got to the other side, the more we could see and feel that what we had been promised was real.  There was light, warmth, healing and love.  The other side was a better place.

 

But now, there is a bridge between us and those on the other side.  Sometimes, we may be tempted to go back and drag them over with us, but it cannot be done.  No one can be dragged or forced across this bridge.  Each person must go at his or her own choice, when the time is right.  Some will come; some will stay on the other side.  The choice is not ours.

 

We can love them.  We can wave to them.  We can holler back and forth.  We can cheer them on, as others have cheered and encouraged us.  But we cannot make them come over with us.

 

If our time has come to cross the bridge, or if we have already crossed and are standing in the light and warmth, we do not have to feel guilty.  It is where we are meant to be.  We do not have to go back to the dark cliff because another’s time has not yet come.

 

The best thing we can do is stay in the light, because it reassures others that there is a better place.  And if others ever do decide to cross the bridge, we will be there to cheer them on.

 

Today’s reminder:  I will move forward with my life, despite what others are doing or not doing.  I will know it is my right to cross the bridge to a better life, even if I must leave others behind to do that.  I will not feel guilty, I will not feel ashamed.  I know that where I am now is a better place and that is where I am meant to be.

 

I hope this helps you DeAnna as much as it helped me.

 

Maria123

Awsome way to put it dianna, detachment is a wonderful thing. I does appear as if we are leaving them behind but not really. That is often the attraction for the alcoholic to seek help  - Changed attitudes can aide recovery, when he see's u getting on with yourlife he may very well decide to  join  you . and he is an A and if he makes up his mind  he will catch up. hehe

keep on looking after you.   Louise

Thak you Maria for the way you explained it, I got alot out of it. When I first went to Alanon my husband was not in recovery so it got got to be hard to deal with. After awhile he did get help and it was great.

You aren't the only one dealing with these type o problems....Dont worry things will continue to look better.  I have not been in Al-anon very long but i know things with continue to get better

I loved the analogy!!  It was uplifting.  Thanks so much to you all.

I loved analogy of the bridge in "Letting Go of Those Not In Recovery" was beautiful. I've never heard such a clear way of looking at life in general not to mention letting go of those not in recovery. Thank you for your insight.... it was very helpful.