Last night was so odd I need to share it, perhaps someone will have some comment or something.
i needed to get out of the house and asked my A (sober for 2 weeks but not in program) if he was up to going to see a band at a neighborhood theatre with me. They do serve beer there and I would have understood if he was not interested in going. He did want to and thought he would be alright in the theatre atmosphere, versus any other live music in town is almost always in a bar. Anyway we did go, it was ok, the band wasn't really either of our taste but it was nice to be out and around people etc. About the middle of the show he started getting uncomfortable, moving around alot, feeling hot, edgy. I asked if he would like to go since it wasn't really something we were completely enjoying anyway. He did not, seemed a waste of the expense of the tickets if we left that early. I was ok even with him being edgy ... and yes here it comes until he made a comment that the people drinking looked like they were having so much fun, and he wished that we could have drank together during his last binge. (He has not drank in my presence in 10 years out of the 12 we have been together) I didn't yell or get mad or anything but it made me so sad that I lost my enjoyment for the evening, after another song or so we decided to leave. There is the confusing part of my night ... I still don't know what I feel at that statement he made, regret because there is a part of him I will never know (but I don't like what little of that part I see now so it has no real appeal), guilt because I can the 2 or 3 times a year I have a drink with a meal, anger for him even thinking I would be a part of that area of his life any more than I am now, hurt because he has fun when he drinks supposedly and his life with me sober gets boring? i voiced a few of these feelings since it was obvious that my mood had changed as we walked home, and now I see I took it too personally and should not have ... something for me to work on more.
Now on to the strange part ... as we walked home, we saw a man get out of a car drunk, and then his friends drive away. He looked at us (kinda cockeyed) and asked if he could talk to us for a minute ... both of us were wondering if he was thinking of starting trouble or something. As we kept walking he started telling us that he had just had a fight with his brother, had to show him who was boss or something ... but then he said "I wish I had a gal to walk with, I did once, I was in love once, I still am. Treasure every moment you have together, you never know when it may not be there anymore. i wish I still had that gal to walk with." Then he walked a little faster although crooked ... my A wanted to turn down a different street but I said no, he was harmless ... and when I looked ahead again the man was gone. I wish I could say all the tension left and it turned into a jolly evening after. Instead we both did our best just not to provoke one another into worse moods, him still edgy and me just kind of sad. But we did stay up late and watch a movie together, managing to enjoy it in some way. i don't know, just a strange night that still has me shaking my head not quite sure what i think of the whole thing.
Thanks for taking the time to read, and for being here Jenny
bob6502 said
Jun 6, 2005
Hi Jolert, I am just gonna be brief and say that what you experienced was a gift from God. Drunk or not, this man's words were a gift of hope to you. Like he said, "treasure" the moments you have with your husband. And while you are in alanon, you will recognize such "God Shots." Anonymous gifts from God. I remember holding open a door for someone as they were coming into a store and I was leaving. The woman said "Bless you." I remember thinking, "I already am."
SenoraBob
sanddie said
Jun 6, 2005
Jolert:
I think that is AWESOME, as ya never know deep down what your husband was thinking when the man commented about how he wished he still had that gal. :) Sometimes, only 1 moment in time is all it takes for something to click in someone and make them turn their lives around. It is obvious that God is working through others around you to help you through this time. Ya see, I do not believe in coincidences, as what you experienced is EXACTLY what began to happen to me when I began to get out of my abusive relationship of 10 years. Ever since, I've had encounters that bring insight to choices I must make in my life to continue on God's path.
These types of events are EXACTLY what led me to write an autobiography-- Coincidence Or Not, to portray how awesome God is in working through people to help in difficult times. So many people miss these signs or just don't pay attention. If you continue to pay attention, you will begin to notice that these happen quite frequently actually. You are truly blessed.
Take Care and God bless you.....
-- Edited by sanddie at 06:53, 2005-06-06
Jeannie said
Jun 6, 2005
Jolert,
That man was supposed to cross your paths. I truly believe he was your HP's sending a message. Even if for a fleeting second your A heard what the man had to say, and it might be filed away in his mind for future thought.
I have been told that people in early sobriety, especially those without a program, feel like they are missing out on something by not drinking. They think of sobriety as a sacrifice instead of as a gift. Since he does not really know how to be sober in any situation let alone a social one, he probably felt boring while the others seemed to be having fun, doing what he always did.
Maybe this man was a way for his HP to let him know that being drunk is not always as fun as it seems and that what he has is so much more special.
Cherish the message and keep taking care of you. I hope that he continues to find his way.
Love Jeannie
Jolert said
Jun 6, 2005
Hi Senorabob, Sanddie & Jeannie,
Thanks for the comments and I completely agree that it was meant to happen. The circumstances of timing were too odd to believe anything else. I've seen alot of little signs recently and am grateful for each and every one of them. This one was just much more obvious ... my A is not a detail person and I am sure the HP knows it. *laugh* I reread my post and realised I may have missed something meant for me too. I was upset thinking about our times not being as fun as his drinking times, but the last few times he drank, from what I was willing to listen to he spent the whole evening crying with friends about me not wanting to live with him and his not caring about himself. And in the process about me or anything really. Seeing someone who was supoosed be having fun and instead was talking to strangers in the street about a lost love showed me that maybe his story wasn't just manipulation. His comments on others having fun drinking may have been grief he can't have that fun anymore with it, the wish of me being there could mean I am fun ... maybe I would make drinking fun again too. Not a chance *laugh* This whole thing is a good lesson in stopping and asking for clarification, or even looking deeper into his words on my own without jumping to the conclusion it is being critical of me. Thanks again!
Hello everyone,
Last night was so odd I need to share it, perhaps someone will have some comment or something.
i needed to get out of the house and asked my A (sober for 2 weeks but not in program) if he was up to going to see a band at a neighborhood theatre with me. They do serve beer there and I would have understood if he was not interested in going. He did want to and thought he would be alright in the theatre atmosphere, versus any other live music in town is almost always in a bar. Anyway we did go, it was ok, the band wasn't really either of our taste but it was nice to be out and around people etc. About the middle of the show he started getting uncomfortable, moving around alot, feeling hot, edgy. I asked if he would like to go since it wasn't really something we were completely enjoying anyway. He did not, seemed a waste of the expense of the tickets if we left that early. I was ok even with him being edgy ... and yes here it comes until he made a comment that the people drinking looked like they were having so much fun, and he wished that we could have drank together during his last binge. (He has not drank in my presence in 10 years out of the 12 we have been together) I didn't yell or get mad or anything but it made me so sad that I lost my enjoyment for the evening, after another song or so we decided to leave. There is the confusing part of my night ... I still don't know what I feel at that statement he made, regret because there is a part of him I will never know (but I don't like what little of that part I see now so it has no real appeal), guilt because I can the 2 or 3 times a year I have a drink with a meal, anger for him even thinking I would be a part of that area of his life any more than I am now, hurt because he has fun when he drinks supposedly and his life with me sober gets boring? i voiced a few of these feelings since it was obvious that my mood had changed as we walked home, and now I see I took it too personally and should not have ... something for me to work on more.
Now on to the strange part ... as we walked home, we saw a man get out of a car drunk, and then his friends drive away. He looked at us (kinda cockeyed) and asked if he could talk to us for a minute ... both of us were wondering if he was thinking of starting trouble or something. As we kept walking he started telling us that he had just had a fight with his brother, had to show him who was boss or something ... but then he said "I wish I had a gal to walk with, I did once, I was in love once, I still am. Treasure every moment you have together, you never know when it may not be there anymore. i wish I still had that gal to walk with." Then he walked a little faster although crooked ... my A wanted to turn down a different street but I said no, he was harmless ... and when I looked ahead again the man was gone. I wish I could say all the tension left and it turned into a jolly evening after. Instead we both did our best just not to provoke one another into worse moods, him still edgy and me just kind of sad. But we did stay up late and watch a movie together, managing to enjoy it in some way. i don't know, just a strange night that still has me shaking my head not quite sure what i think of the whole thing.
Thanks for taking the time to read, and for being here
Jenny
Hi Jolert, I am just gonna be brief and say that what you experienced was a gift from God. Drunk or not, this man's words were a gift of hope to you. Like he said, "treasure" the moments you have with your husband. And while you are in alanon, you will recognize such "God Shots." Anonymous gifts from God. I remember holding open a door for someone as they were coming into a store and I was leaving. The woman said "Bless you." I remember thinking, "I already am."
SenoraBob
Jolert:
I think that is AWESOME, as ya never know deep down what your husband was thinking when the man commented about how he wished he still had that gal. :) Sometimes, only 1 moment in time is all it takes for something to click in someone and make them turn their lives around. It is obvious that God is working through others around you to help you through this time. Ya see, I do not believe in coincidences, as what you experienced is EXACTLY what began to happen to me when I began to get out of my abusive relationship of 10 years. Ever since, I've had encounters that bring insight to choices I must make in my life to continue on God's path.
These types of events are EXACTLY what led me to write an autobiography-- Coincidence Or Not, to portray how awesome God is in working through people to help in difficult times. So many people miss these signs or just don't pay attention. If you continue to pay attention, you will begin to notice that these happen quite frequently actually. You are truly blessed.
Take Care and God bless you.....
-- Edited by sanddie at 06:53, 2005-06-06
Jolert,
That man was supposed to cross your paths. I truly believe he was your HP's sending a message. Even if for a fleeting second your A heard what the man had to say, and it might be filed away in his mind for future thought.
I have been told that people in early sobriety, especially those without a program, feel like they are missing out on something by not drinking. They think of sobriety as a sacrifice instead of as a gift. Since he does not really know how to be sober in any situation let alone a social one, he probably felt boring while the others seemed to be having fun, doing what he always did.
Maybe this man was a way for his HP to let him know that being drunk is not always as fun as it seems and that what he has is so much more special.
Cherish the message and keep taking care of you. I hope that he continues to find his way.
Love Jeannie
Hi Senorabob, Sanddie & Jeannie,
Thanks for the comments and I completely agree that it was meant to happen. The circumstances of timing were too odd to believe anything else. I've seen alot of little signs recently and am grateful for each and every one of them. This one was just much more obvious ... my A is not a detail person and I am sure the HP knows it. *laugh* I reread my post and realised I may have missed something meant for me too. I was upset thinking about our times not being as fun as his drinking times, but the last few times he drank, from what I was willing to listen to he spent the whole evening crying with friends about me not wanting to live with him and his not caring about himself. And in the process about me or anything really. Seeing someone who was supoosed be having fun and instead was talking to strangers in the street about a lost love showed me that maybe his story wasn't just manipulation. His comments on others having fun drinking may have been grief he can't have that fun anymore with it, the wish of me being there could mean I am fun ... maybe I would make drinking fun again too. Not a chance *laugh* This whole thing is a good lesson in stopping and asking for clarification, or even looking deeper into his words on my own without jumping to the conclusion it is being critical of me. Thanks again!
Jenny