What a surprise I had today!! Yesterday was a really difficult day for me, because I felt so misunderstood. We got up early in the morning, and my husband asked me to take a walk before breakfast. When we came back home, he decided to pull out weeds, so I ate breakfast alone. When he came in, I was speaking with my sponsor, he got really angry, mad at me because I was on the phone. He expected me to get off the phone, to make him his breakfast. I did not do so right away, and the whole day was horrible, he did not talk to me all day, when he did, he was very nasty.
Today, I decided that I would not take his attitude, because I was putting myself into the role of a victim which I had done before, and it did not pay off!! I told him that I refused to live this way, and that it was not about blame, it was about respecting myself, and feeling good. I told him that I am going through therapy and that I could not tell him what I had been through lately, because it would not be helpful for him to know. I told him that I had in the past played the same role of victim, I explained to him that he had observed his mother playing the role of victim when he was a little boy. He did not deny what I had said, because he knew that it was true. I said that when just one person gets help, the whole family will benefit from it. I was surprised and pleased because in saying the real things, I am not playing the victim role today. Thanks for listening, and maybe!! this post may be helpful to someone else. One last thing, we have an arrangement about the telephone. When I want to speak, I will go upstairs, and he will respect that condition, except on Saturday night, I will not take any phone calls. It is about changing the things that I can change!! with the help of the HP
Hugs & Blessing to all
Annie said
Jun 5, 2005
Teddybear, thank you for your post. My A sounds like your A...controlling...not wanting us to have any close contact w anyone but them...When my A gets angry for whatever reason, I used to apologize...and think it was my fault...not anymore. He can think and feel however he wants. The last time (last mo.) he just couldn't understand why I would take a four-way conference call from work on my day off. So I told him exactly how I felt--that it didn't bother me so it should not bother him. He is always wanting to know what I am doing when i am online. Since I have been expressing my thoughts and feelings in a realistic way and not "playing the game" (too much anyway), my A has shut down our relationship. But that is his choice.
Keep up the great work that you are doing and take care of YOU. Stay up no matter how the A reacts. Love and blessings, Annie
abbyal said
Jun 6, 2005
Hi, I think u will find that what he resented most was that you were talking to your sponsor, breakfast would come second. Strange how they react to diff people, he knows how important she is to you and they resent that alot. His problem / Sat nite phone decisson sounds good to me , everyone needs family time including you . : )
Jeannie said
Jun 6, 2005
(((Teddybear)))
Sounds like you are taking care of you. I don't think we will ever understand why A's think the way they do. I guess just because they are A's.
Sounds like you are doing what works for you, speaking your mind and not playing the victim. You seem also willing to make reasonable compromises. One night of no phone, is perfectly reasonable and fair.
Hi Everyone,
What a surprise I had today!! Yesterday was a really difficult day for me, because I felt so misunderstood. We got up early in the morning, and my husband asked me to take a walk before breakfast. When we came back home, he decided to pull out weeds, so I ate breakfast alone. When he came in, I was speaking with my sponsor, he got really angry, mad at me because I was on the phone. He expected me to get off the phone, to make him his breakfast. I did not do so right away, and the whole day was horrible, he did not talk to me all day, when he did, he was very nasty.
Today, I decided that I would not take his attitude, because I was putting myself into the role of a victim which I had done before, and it did not pay off!! I told him that I refused to live this way, and that it was not about blame, it was about respecting myself, and feeling good. I told him that I am going through therapy and that I could not tell him what I had been through lately, because it would not be helpful for him to know. I told him that I had in the past played the same role of victim, I explained to him that he had observed his mother playing the role of victim when he was a little boy. He did not deny what I had said, because he knew that it was true. I said that when just one person gets help, the whole family will benefit from it. I was surprised and pleased because in saying the real things, I am not playing the victim role today. Thanks for listening, and maybe!! this post may be helpful to someone else.
One last thing, we have an arrangement about the telephone. When I want to speak, I will go upstairs, and he will respect that condition, except on Saturday night, I will not take any phone calls. It is about changing the things that I can change!! with the help of the HP
Hugs & Blessing to all
Teddybear, thank you for your post. My A sounds like your A...controlling...not wanting us to have any close contact w anyone but them...When my A gets angry for whatever reason, I used to apologize...and think it was my fault...not anymore. He can think and feel however he wants. The last time (last mo.) he just couldn't understand why I would take a four-way conference call from work on my day off. So I told him exactly how I felt--that it didn't bother me so it should not bother him. He is always wanting to know what I am doing when i am online. Since I have been expressing my thoughts and feelings in a realistic way and not "playing the game" (too much anyway), my A has shut down our relationship. But that is his choice.
Keep up the great work that you are doing and take care of YOU. Stay up no matter how the A reacts. Love and blessings, Annie
(((Teddybear)))
Sounds like you are taking care of you. I don't think we will ever understand why A's think the way they do. I guess just because they are A's.
Sounds like you are doing what works for you, speaking your mind and not playing the victim. You seem also willing to make reasonable compromises. One night of no phone, is perfectly reasonable and fair.
Keep up the great work.
Love Jeannie