Life is a package deal. It is not enough to look at the parts we like. It is necessary to face the whole picture so that we can make realistic choices for ourselves and stop setting ourselves up for the disappointment.

Living with A's many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minute to the next. We adapted by taking whatever par of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again we were devasted bcause reality didnt go away just because it was ignored.

Our lives will remain unmanageable as long as we pretend that only half of the truth is real, Thats why sharing is such an important Alanon tool. When we share with other members about what is really going on, we cut through our deinal and anchor ourselves in reality. While it may be difficult to face certain facts, when we allow ourselves to confront them , we cease to give our own denial  the power to devastate us at every turn.

I cant cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture. I take the first step toward a more manageable life! Hope this made sense to alot of you ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and try not to make everything over to suit me, If I cannot have what I like I will try to like what I have!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,gardengal

GG, Awesome post - thank you. It takes some doing to get the whole picture. Doing like sit back - patience.. a.k.a. time to just give it time. --------- Life is a package deal. It is not enough to look at the parts we like. It is necessary to face the whole picture so that we can make realistic choices for ourselves and stop setting ourselves up for the disappointment. -------- As alanon allowed me to re-reinvent myself most recently (I started program 20 some years back), the A has figured out I'm not a player, which is how I'd come to see him. I let him go with encouragement to not play me. He is ACOA, by his parents own admission. I'm like connect the dots dude - its the coding that was transmitted to us and all it is - that the coding can be re-coded using the tools of program. ------- Living with A's many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minute to the next. We adapted by taking whatever par of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again we were devasted bcause reality didnt go away just because it was ignored. --------- lol - I guess I can not stick my head in the sand and wait for it to pass - rrrr ------ Our lives will remain unmanageable as long as we pretend that only half of the truth is real, Thats why sharing is such an important Alanon tool. When we share with other members about what is really going on, we cut through our deinal and anchor ourselves in reality. While it may be difficult to face certain facts, when we allow ourselves to confront them , we cease to give our own denial the power to devastate us at every turn. ------------- The a finally got over me going to alanon. He came to respect healing really is an option. ----- I cant cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture. I take the first step toward a more manageable life! Hope this made sense to alot of you ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and try not to make everything over to suit me, If I cannot have what I like I will try to like what I have!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,gardengal ---------- Due to the tools of alanon, I was empowered to say what the reality it appeared to me looked like, to me. The I am not a toy with a built in reboot program - I am real, I feel - I am not a toy. Awesome share G ((((( hugs ))))

(((GardenGal)))

Thank you so much. Right now your post has helped me more than I can begin to say.

                                           Love Jeannie