I am going to try and not call my husband. It is going to be a very hard thing to do. I love to call him and see how he is doing. I love to hear his voice. It is going to be min to min for me. I am hoping by my help of my higher power.
I don't why it is so diffuclt for me to stop calling him. When he goes to his meeting I am also going to try not to call him.
Becky
holly123 said
Jun 3, 2005
Hi Becky,
I'm not sure why you can't call your husband. Are you seperated???? I understand you can't call him all the time but if it makes you happy to pick up the phone and talk to him I don't see why you can't, unless of course he has asked you not to, then you need to respect that.
I do relate to this though, I used to work with my a in his family business until he got a DWI and had to leave his driving position here for other work that didn't require a drivers license, when he was here I could see him all the time and know what he was up to, talk to him whenever I wanted. But now that he isn't here, I don't get to talk to him much throughout the day. Which seems to be a good thing since we don't have much to talk about right now. I call him when I need to know something but other than that I have had to learn to leave him alone during the day and let him work. My a had an affair so this is especially hard because my brain can work overtime on what he is doing and who he is with. But I have also decided that in order to work on me I had to be less concerned about him.
I guess if I knew why you didn't feel you could call I understand better. So sorry if this rambling doesn't help. Keep coming back and posting, it helps.
Love Ya
Holly
jj said
Jun 3, 2005
Becky,
Good for you!! Remember progress not perfection. Lets say if you go from 5 calls to 2 that is good!! It is progress. Calling to say I love you have a good day is just fine but when I call to check up on hubby is not ok. None of my business what he is up too. I can't do any thing about it.
Also I think being supportive is the best that I can do.
I hope you have a great day JJ
nycbt said
Jun 3, 2005
I am trying to cut down on the calling. I like that idea instead of cutting it out all together.
txmom said
Jun 4, 2005
I heard something in a meeting here that's really helped me with this issue. "Keep your mind where your butt is". If I'm at work, I try to focus on work and not let those worries or thoughts take over. Distractions work wonders. If I'm totally concentrating on the task at hand it's a lot easier to miss making those "just checking on you" calls that had become such habit. No matter what my "a" might be doing...a call from me won't change anything. I don't have control over everything anyway. Once I realized the compulsion to "check in" constantly slowly subsided (certainly not gone but it's not all consuming either). I don't have to be thinking of 100 things at any given time. I have learned to have a life and to keep my mind for the moment where my butt is. I really have leanded on that slogan A LOT over the past few weeks.
I am going to try and not call my husband. It is going to be a very hard thing to do. I love to call him and see how he is doing. I love to hear his voice. It is going to be min to min for me. I am hoping by my help of my higher power.
I don't why it is so diffuclt for me to stop calling him. When he goes to his meeting I am also going to try not to call him.
Becky
Hi Becky,
I'm not sure why you can't call your husband. Are you seperated???? I understand you can't call him all the time but if it makes you happy to pick up the phone and talk to him I don't see why you can't, unless of course he has asked you not to, then you need to respect that.
I do relate to this though, I used to work with my a in his family business until he got a DWI and had to leave his driving position here for other work that didn't require a drivers license, when he was here I could see him all the time and know what he was up to, talk to him whenever I wanted. But now that he isn't here, I don't get to talk to him much throughout the day. Which seems to be a good thing since we don't have much to talk about right now. I call him when I need to know something but other than that I have had to learn to leave him alone during the day and let him work. My a had an affair so this is especially hard because my brain can work overtime on what he is doing and who he is with. But I have also decided that in order to work on me I had to be less concerned about him.
I guess if I knew why you didn't feel you could call I understand better. So sorry if this rambling doesn't help. Keep coming back and posting, it helps.
Love Ya
Holly
Becky,
Good for you!! Remember progress not perfection. Lets say if you go from 5 calls to 2 that is good!! It is progress. Calling to say I love you have a good day is just fine but when I call to check up on hubby is not ok. None of my business what he is up too. I can't do any thing about it.
Also I think being supportive is the best that I can do.
I hope you have a great day
JJ
I heard something in a meeting here that's really helped me with this issue. "Keep your mind where your butt is". If I'm at work, I try to focus on work and not let those worries or thoughts take over. Distractions work wonders. If I'm totally concentrating on the task at hand it's a lot easier to miss making those "just checking on you" calls that had become such habit. No matter what my "a" might be doing...a call from me won't change anything. I don't have control over everything anyway. Once I realized the compulsion to "check in" constantly slowly subsided (certainly not gone but it's not all consuming either). I don't have to be thinking of 100 things at any given time. I have learned to have a life and to keep my mind for the moment where my butt is. I really have leanded on that slogan A LOT over the past few weeks.
Keep up the good work!