Hi- Had to come check in--I don't come here enough, but I'm glad this board is always waiting for us. Its kind of like my quote on the wall that says "When we lose God, it is not God who is lost" This weekend I left my husband at home with his bottle of Vicodan, while I took the kids to an out of town soccer tournament. Legitimately, H had dental work done last week--but I know how he is with any pain and when he has meds he takes every last pill. I can't stand that about him. So, had a great weekend. the kids said a couple times that they missed their dad (not me, he would have been whining all weekend) I was so happy to be gone actually. We come home last nite. He has one pain pill left. He stares at the tv most of the nite. I do everything for everyone in the house (as usual) and when I come downstairs I can smell the marijuana smoke on his clothes. I can't help but point out that he stinks and I'm aware. This morning we talk a little. I tell him I'm sick of him being sick. that I now know that I can't help him and that he needs to take responsibility for his self. I am way beyond caring about him at this point--especially if he refuses to make better choices. I really feel ok. I'm a little crabbier than I was prealanon, but I needed to learn to express my needs better anyway. thanks for taking the time to read my rant- Jeanne

Hey  did you just describe my life, LOL

I so relate to your post.  Up until this last weekend, I did the same exact thing.  Most of the time I hated to leave my a behind but while I was away I totally enjoyed it.  Makes me wonder if I really wanted him around.  This weekend started that way believe me I was so angry when he didn't come home till late friday and drank on Saturday morning throughout the day.  Like I said in my other post I have my suspisions that Pot maybe involved but you know what I can't do anything about it.  So yesterday I decided to try and let his hp try to help him.  I am so angry most of the time I don't know how to loosen up.  This weekend I managed to start to let go and just try to put on a pleasant face.  I got to tell ya, that saying fake it till you make it really works.  Funny thing I thought it meant be delusional and blind but it really means that you let go on your anger and help focus on what is real.

You are doing great and I definetly relate, keep coming back you are worth it.

Love Ya

Holly

I remember too well the many days I would spend my energy trying to get my A to actually DO something... especially on the weekends, which were OUR time supposedly. Be gentle with yourself as you are now and things will get better. I am sorry you are feeling so lonely and frustrated right now. But perhaps, this pain and sadness will light your path to your next lesson in life. Keep coming back. Love and hugs, Jessi