I just need to vent tonight. I am in the middle of a family crisis, but do I get any emotional support from my A? No.
My Mom, who is 93 years old, had a heart attack and is in the hospital. The doctors have said the end is near, and so family has been coming and rallying around us.
I had to ask my A husband to come up to see her....and now tonight, when he should have gone to an AA meeting....where is he? Sitting in his recliner having a pity party. I would have felt 100% better if he would have gone to his meeting, but no. I asked him if he was going to his meeting, and he says I should stop nagging at him. After the spring we had with his drinking, the deal was that he get treatment of some kind. After checking into several options, he agreed to attend AA meetings regularly. Well of course we all know how that went....or didn't. One excuse after another, until tonight when he didn't have any excuse for not going....and it's "Oh I am so tired" etc.etc.etc. I reminded him that the deal was he get help, and that I was not willing to go down that horrible road we were on this spring.
So here I am, upstairs on the computer, venting to you, and he is sitting downstairs. I could have just as well stayed at the hospital overnight and not dealt with this. All I wanted was a little emotional support and some sign that he is trying and working on his problem. But I forget that everything always has to be about him and anything else is not worth his time.
Guess that's enough of my problems..... I am so grateful that I have the Lord to give these problems to. He is my strength, and He will give me the support I need. Thanks for listening...
Jeanne
cdb said
May 30, 2005
Hello Jeanne,
I can so relate to what you put. Along with alcoholism comes selfishness. My 20 year old daughter is the alcoholic in my life but my husband is a child of an alcoholic and is horrible at giving emotional support! I have learned to rely on myself, my HP/God and friends for my emotional support. If I get it from my husband or daughter that is a plus. But, I do not expect it and that helps me. For some reason my husband is worse in times of crisis too. My mom is ill with alzheimers and dad is in congestive heart failure. I sure need support! I just know not to expect it from my husband or daughter. I do get alot of support from this message board and from the chatroom people here. We have to take care of us and focus on us. No one else is going to do it for us. So keep coming back and venting as much as you need to. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
lin0606 said
May 31, 2005
Unfortunately, going to an A for emotional support is like going to the hardware store for eggs.
Put your focus on your mom and your family right now - I'm so sorry you are going through this hard time, but at least it looks like you get a chance to say good bye.
Jeannie said
May 31, 2005
Hi Jeanne
As others have said, expecting emotional support from an A is a guaranteed road to disapointment and resentment.
As difficult as it might be, you are best to just leave expectations of him from your mind and concentrate on your Mom. It is trying enough to deal with family crisis without the excess baggage of worrying about your A.
I hope your Mom is doing better, and while you are dealing with all of this, make sure you take time to care for yourslef.
I just need to vent tonight. I am in the middle of a family crisis, but do I get any emotional support from my A? No.
My Mom, who is 93 years old, had a heart attack and is in the hospital. The doctors have said the end is near, and so family has been coming and rallying around us.
I had to ask my A husband to come up to see her....and now tonight, when he should have gone to an AA meeting....where is he? Sitting in his recliner having a pity party. I would have felt 100% better if he would have gone to his meeting, but no. I asked him if he was going to his meeting, and he says I should stop nagging at him. After the spring we had with his drinking, the deal was that he get treatment of some kind. After checking into several options, he agreed to attend AA meetings regularly. Well of course we all know how that went....or didn't. One excuse after another, until tonight when he didn't have any excuse for not going....and it's "Oh I am so tired" etc.etc.etc. I reminded him that the deal was he get help, and that I was not willing to go down that horrible road we were on this spring.
So here I am, upstairs on the computer, venting to you, and he is sitting downstairs. I could have just as well stayed at the hospital overnight and not dealt with this. All I wanted was a little emotional support and some sign that he is trying and working on his problem. But I forget that everything always has to be about him and anything else is not worth his time.
Guess that's enough of my problems..... I am so grateful that I have the Lord to give these problems to. He is my strength, and He will give me the support I need. Thanks for listening...
Jeanne
Hello Jeanne,
I can so relate to what you put. Along with alcoholism comes selfishness. My 20 year old daughter is the alcoholic in my life but my husband is a child of an alcoholic and is horrible at giving emotional support! I have learned to rely on myself, my HP/God and friends for my emotional support. If I get it from my husband or daughter that is a plus. But, I do not expect it and that helps me. For some reason my husband is worse in times of crisis too. My mom is ill with alzheimers and dad is in congestive heart failure. I sure need support! I just know not to expect it from my husband or daughter. I do get alot of support from this message board and from the chatroom people here. We have to take care of us and focus on us. No one else is going to do it for us. So keep coming back and venting as much as you need to. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
Hi Jeanne
As others have said, expecting emotional support from an A is a guaranteed road to disapointment and resentment.
As difficult as it might be, you are best to just leave expectations of him from your mind and concentrate on your Mom. It is trying enough to deal with family crisis without the excess baggage of worrying about your A.
I hope your Mom is doing better, and while you are dealing with all of this, make sure you take time to care for yourslef.
Love Jeannie