This program is one of honesty. I have to come clean, and be honest with everyone here. I feel as if I have lied to everyone, and I am ashamed of myself; I have let myself down, I have let you all down, and I have let down my HP. I know that I have said I used to smoke pot. Howver, I did not say, that I also used cocaine. For a long time, I stopped. I thought that I was strong enough that I had overcome it. I thought that I was ok. The other night, I used. And I realize now, that I really do need to seek help, which I did not do before, when I had stopped, I just prayed and prayed for the strength to overcome my addiction. I feel so terrible for lying to you all. I am in tears right now writing this, but you all Deserve the truth. I do not know if i will be back here, right now, I am too ashamed to talk to any of you. I just want you all to know that you were the best group of people I have ever met. And that I am sorry. Buzzfree

  .........now don't you feel much better?  inside?     No matter what side of the fence we are on, alanon, aa, naranon, etc.-the best thing to do is come clean, tell the truth, and well........Finnigan, begin again.

That's what our HP wants us to do if you really stop and think about it.   That's the beauty of Step  10, if you care to read up on it.  I always find it's a great step to read up on when I have screwed up!  And get to a meeting!  Call program friends!          We are  own worst critics, and to learn that there is forgiveness out there from others who walk the same path, we learn to forgive ourselves, (first), then we can go on our path where our HP wants us to go.  Proud of you for telling the truth.  That takes courage.

Buzz, ok you slipped and you feel bad, I dont feel you have lied you said you didnt tell us you used cocaine in the past, thats not the same thing as lyingits more like lying to yourself. There are things about me that i have never shared and i dont feel bad i will if and when im ready and thats exactly what you did here. You havent hurt anyone here buzz and you havent let me down thats for sure not in my opinion . But there is an up side to this Buzz and that is that you know you have a problem now, and that you are going to get help for it. That take alot of courage to do and even more to share all this with us. You are being way to hard on yourself, and im sure you know that is guilt for using. Take my word on this Buzz i know more than anyone that leaving alanon when you most need it is not the right thing to do. You have admitted to us you have a problem and guess what buzz? we will still love you, everyone makes mistakes every one goes through slips, not everyone realizes they have a problem. So do me a favor give yourself a break pat yourself on the back for actually knowing that you need help and get your butt right back into that room. Hold your head high and give us all a hug :) Love ya and i wont let ya leave us without a fight hehehe See ya LATER! tonight!!!!! ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

 

kerry

-- Edited by kerry5 at 13:53, 2005-05-28

-- Edited by kerry5 at 13:56, 2005-05-28

(((buzz))))

there is no shame in admitting we need help.  that a problem is bigger than us.

that we have done wrong. 

it is the right thing to do.

now keep walking in the right direction....and find a program of recovery.

you are always welcome here.

hugs, jo

 

((((((((((((((((((buzz))))))))))))))))))))))) Hun don't be sorry you made a choice to share with us what you wanted to and I would never judge you or toss your friendship away for I do Love you my friend, a slip that you have admitted is a great new beginning again and I am there for you, I hope you also find a N/A meeting to assist you you have great heart and a young wonderful life ahead of you that some lucky girl will some day find, I true friend never turns there back, Please remember no one here is any better then anyone else even if one may think they are, it is about helping ourselves and turning to those who care and can relate, I forgive you for your wrong you feel you need to apologize any time ya need me my friend my e-mail is nikkel535@msn.com Love Ya Buzz Always your special ((((((((((((((((Goat girl))))))))))))))))

"let him among you who is without sin cast the first stone"

I know that is not alanon lit, but it is the first thing i thought of when i read your post.  Buzz, there is not a thing you could do or say that would make me love you any less, in fact i'm sure i am not the only one here that can easily say I love you more.  Your couragious act of honestly is a show of how truely humble and strong you are.  I am honored to know you, and look up to you and your recovery.  I am thinking that your ammends should not be to us, as it should be to yourself.  We were not affected by your previous acts, as you were.  In fact, none of us were affected by them at all.  I do so hope to see you soon.  I do wish some how I could assure you, you will see nothing but the love you have always seen from us continue to grow, as that is all I feel for you. If I could make a suggestion?  Maybe it might help to read pg 57 in courage to change, you might find a little comfort from it. 

still yours in recovery, (yes, most definetly "still" cause you aint gonna get rid of me that easy buddy)

Trina

Buzzer Buddy,

No Way can you slide out of our lives!!!  Not havin it!!!!!  There's no doubt in my mind that you will do the right thing to help yourself, but don't punish us by leaving us  :(         (please)

Do you have any idea how many people you have helped by being in MIP chat?  Countless!!!  Me included!  You were one of the first people I talked to and I hold you dear to my heart.  One slip compared to all the positive things I've seen you do is no reason to hang your head.  We're not perfect.  You've made a huge bunch of caring, loving deposits in MIP and this is the first withdrawl.  The way I see it, your account is still there and active. 

There is only one thing I can think of that will ensure you come back to us.  I'll be planning a party in chat, everyone is to bring a dish..

Food Buzz, lots of food...pizza, pop tarts, brownies!!!!.. 

(is this working?)

I love you!!

Christy (Cjo)

OMG!! You're not perfect!!?? I only know of one man that ever was and HE was crucified!! I know you feel really bad for your slip, and that's a good thing, 'cause it means you're going for help, right? None of us love you any less, and really respect you for being so honest!! There's not much of THAT in our lives, and it's so refreshing to see it. Please don't leave us. You have been such an inspiration to so many of us with your kind remarks and shares. You have been so helpfull to so many, maybe we can help you in some way?? Guess by all the replies to your share, you now know you have many, many friends here who love you and will help you in any way we can. Keep coming back, Love TLC

Dear Buzzer,

You have to understand first of all that this is a program of human beings.  We are not here to judge you. I remember the last post that you made when you were having problems and I remember encouraging you to go to AA or NA or into treatment.  I am not here to judge you because you are one of the best people I know.  Not many young people these days would have admitted to what you just admitted.  In fact there are not many people my age that would have admitted to what you just admitted to.  You have resources out there hon, take advantage of them, and you have many many many friends.  There are also lots of double winners here in Alanon, take advantage of their experience, strength and hope.  And one more thing.....I don't want to see any bruises on you for beating yourself up....Much Love, SenoraBob.

Hi Buzz - please keep coming back. You are not in charge - your Higher Power is - and when it was the right time for you to share that with us he gave you a nudge. I believe things happen in our lives when they are supossed to not when we think they should. Sooooo - you are right on track. Trust your Higher Power and do the next right thing. Love and hugs - Dot

(((((Buzz))))))

You have certainly not let any of us down!  And I have to tell you it took great courage for you to post this information.  Do not fell like you have let us down, you have not.  We are here for you always.  You have taken another big step my friend.  Another big step on the path to recovery by admitting to yourself that you have a problem.  It is wonderful that you are planning to get help.  Please know that I feel no differently about you than I did before I read this, you are a very wonderful person, and dont you ever forget that! 

Love you Buzz!

Yours in Recovery,

David

Buzz,,,do not be ashamed, we are not perfect! None of us are. We are human, period. Please do not let this slip make you stay away from something you were so comfortable with, and by the sounds of these responses,,none of us are going to judge or condemn you.  Take care of yourself, and if that means coming back here,,,,then just as "Nike" says,,,,Just Do It!...Look forward to seeing you,,,gardengal

Buzzer,

I don't think I can add any more to what all of our wonderful friends have said.  Simply put, we love you.  I know you were feeling lonely and living in an environment that wasn't healthy.  Get the support and help you need hon.  I can understand why you'd want to not come back but then you'd deprive us of your wonderful self and this *&^%#$ disease(s) would get off scott free.  Please don't let that happen.  I will continue to encourage you.  I miss you.

Love Maria123

(((((((((((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I love you guys, and gals. Other than my immediate family, I dont have anyone who is always there for me. But all of you are. And in my book, that makes you part of my family. I am going to my first NA meeting tonight, the first of many. Love you all more than I can express by just text. Buzzfree

Wow Buzzfree, I have NEVER made a mistake or made an unwise choice....(c: Ya know people appreciate when others admit to messing up. Then we realize we are not the only ones. Makes it easier for others to talk about it. Your opening up was very courageous. Makes me like ya more. Keep coming back. Believe me, I am sure a lot of us have heard and seen a heck of a lot worse hon!! Whooooooa wait a minute, does this mean you are human!! (c: Love,debilyn

(((((Buzz)))))

What you admitted took so much courage and strength. You have nothing to apologize for. I am so glad you are going to the NA meeting.

We are all human and we all have weaknesses, we are here to try and help ourselves and offer support to others in the process. You have helped so many, now help yourslef and please keep coming here for love and support.

My prayers are with you on your new journey and continuing one.

                          Love Jeannie

                                         

Dearest Buzz,

      You are so courageous.  You haven't let anyone down.  Please be gentle with yourself and let hp be your guide.  I for one don't think any less of you.  You are still a remarkable young man. Look forward to seeing you soon.

 

                                      hugs,

                                     danz   

Buzzer-
So much to say, so little time. I admire your courage and strength, and I feel honored that you felt you could share something so deeply personal with us. I love you and everything about you, so please don't stay away- we need you just as much as you need us. You will have my support in all you do- please keep coming back, you are sooooo worth it!
Love and hugs-
Cabecka

PS- It's NOT a TUMAH! (gotcha)

(((((((((Buzz))))))))))) We LOVE you....warts and all!!!  *grin* As said before by others, you haven't let us down.  You've simply slipped, and I sure don't know of anyone here who hasn't slipped themself on the road to recovery.  In fact, for myself, I find that my slips actually help me sooooooo much....I find myself both humbled and more empathetic/sympathetic to others here, and I don't think thats a bad thing at all.  No matter what side of the fence we are on, we are ALL in the same boat looking for the same thing.  Hold your head up high Buzz, I think you're GREAT!!  And we NEED you here, Keep Coming Back!!

Love ya, Kis

P.S.  Your corner misses ya too!!

Buzz, Humm, it seem shame is something that helps open our eyes....We all have our own things...It is not so much (atleast for me) that I have an issue with you comming here while using coke, its more what you feel about it that really matters. I am gratified that you feel crappy about using, I however do not sit in a place where I feel I can pass any judgement on you, nor is that my desire, you are judging yourself. I hope not for me or others here, cause your opinion of you is all that really counts Buzz. Thank you for having the courage to face it and put it out so to speak. We are not invinceabe as we attempt to put together the pieces of our lives, nor are we saints, its a step at a time. Just the fact that it bothers you means you are thinking...somes the brain stops..don't mean we quit trying, does it. Keep on trying friend, and stick around..this is what its all about..helping eachother stand after we fall. Keep comming back Buzz Mark S

((((Buzz)))))

Love ya lots. No one is perfect we are human we have all made mistakes.  It would deffinately be freaky if we were all perfect, where would we learn things from.  I have to give ya credit for speaking out. Many here love you alot and you are a part of their/ our family who support you and love and care about you.

Love JJ

Hi ((((Buzz)))),

Thank you so very much for your honesty.  I am so glad you stepped beyond the shame you feel and trusted us enough to share this with us.  You can see by all the replies here that we love you and it would not be an easy task to get rid of us.  We all make mistakes and "a set-back is a set-up for a come back!"  Please don't beat yourself up. I, for one, would miss your presence in the room and am looking forward to seeing you there.  Take good care of you, buzz and keep bringing yourself back here with us.

Love in recovery - Jeri