I am new in here and Im hoping for some advice. I Have lived all my life with a family member that has been addicted . This person is my mom. What started this down hill of hell for all...39 years ago we lost my brother to a house fire he was 8. It took the heart out of all. My mom never was able to move on but instead moved to believeing she always had someting wrong and then forth doctors and meds. She learned how to get everyone to do for her and to shake the guilt tree to manage getting her way.With all of my family falling in this trap we made her dependent and she got worse. We tired to support her through rehab three times with failure. the time we all stopped and said that was it another tradigity happened my second brother passed away in a car accident he was 26.That not only devastated us with the loss but added fuel to her fire just adding to her list of drugs. With all our effort failing to help due to the guilt she would use because of the deaths kept knocking us back each step to help her. In this period I was taking care of my own family plus trying to help my dad with copeing with her. My husband and I in that time lost a baby the stress for us was unbarable and needed to give ourselves some distance from her to regain ourselves. Eight months after my Dad Passes away unexpectedly. All this built her up to use to the point of babbling and cofusion stop breathing from overdosing.My husband and I committed her to rehab. They kept her for a year we moved away from her. She still is playing the same game with the meds still lying playing the guilt card on me. Im the only daughter left how can you do this to me.She used up all her money blew 300.000 in 6 months now she has nothing and is making me feel like I owe her to take care of her. How do I break her useing guilt in her horrible past of lossing and what do I do with her? And when can I grab my life and be happy??? Any advice for a heavy heart would be a Blessing.
lin0606 said
May 28, 2005
What a lot of tragedy, how strong you must be to have come through it with any sanity at all! Can't add anything to what tiredtonite has said - go to meetings, read the Literature (Courage to Change and ODAT, for support and healing) Love yourself, and guard against the toxic stuff the comes from your mom. Just because she throws the guilt out there does not mean that you have to pick it up. None of this is your fault.
WStar said
May 28, 2005
Thank you both for your wonderful words and help.For my loved ones who have passed on I know God is taking care of them and that makes the heaviness of hurt easier to bare. But to watch a family member going out of her way to use these meds that could kill her and hurt people around them I can't deal with .Life is so short and I don't want to waste it n someone who takes it for granted. I'v been dealing with her addiction seems like forever. I don't notice as much as people from the outside looking in can see. I take to heart the words of caring from both of you . Thank you again !!!!
Sincerly,
WStar & Family
mamasan said
May 29, 2005
Hi Wstar,
I have tons of guilt in my life too. I tried to bury it and it came back with a vengence... I read what tiredtonight said and it is wonderful advice. I can't wait to get my alanon book that I just bought thru here. I really need to study adn take all the info to heart. I recommend that to you too. We are both "newbies" it seems, even tho we are vetrans of heartache. I ache for my children who have after 20 yrs "suddenly" become emotional cripple, addicts and even abusive themselves. I thought I did the right thing by protecting them from my alcholic ex but somehow they became him. I am devasted almost every day by the things they do. I have to remember all over again that it is NOT me, but them. Always everyday I have to remind myself that I cannot change them. This is hard for a parent to do. I have found the courage to do the tough love thing adn it is working with my daughter. It is helping my youngest son, but I have failed COMPLETELY with my middle son. He is a full blown alcholic and in prison from alcohol related crimes. (Just crazy things he does to himself when he is drunk) The last one was a high speed car chase involving NINE cop cruiser, guns, pepper spray, all culminating in MY driveway. Yup, just lay it on me, I can take it....
Families have a way of doing that if you ask me. I don't know WHY some people think, (like your mom) that we can fix them. I have driven myself right into depression from it. I take meds here myself but I am a survivor and I am doing pretty well....or as well as can be expected. I am thinking of trying the online meetings here. I tried on the other night, LOL, but got dumped for lurking. I wasn't trying to lurk, I jsut could not seem to figure out how to reply or post anything! hehe....I will try again tho. I think you could maybe benefit from that?? We both can be the new kids there! You hang in there. Do NOT let your mom bring you down. I think this place can help us.
WStar said
May 29, 2005
Dear Mamasan,
It sounds like you totally know how I feel. And your right Im going to keep coming and learning support is very well needed......
Thank you both for your wonderful words and help.For my loved ones who have passed on I know God is taking care of them and that makes the heaviness of hurt easier to bare. But to watch a family member going out of her way to use these meds that could kill her and hurt people around them I can't deal with .Life is so short and I don't want to waste it n someone who takes it for granted. I'v been dealing with her addiction seems like forever. I don't notice as much as people from the outside looking in can see. I take to heart the words of caring from both of you . Thank you again !!!!
Sincerly,
WStar & Family
Hi Wstar,
I have tons of guilt in my life too. I tried to bury it and it came back with a vengence... I read what tiredtonight said and it is wonderful advice. I can't wait to get my alanon book that I just bought thru here. I really need to study adn take all the info to heart. I recommend that to you too. We are both "newbies" it seems, even tho we are vetrans of heartache. I ache for my children who have after 20 yrs "suddenly" become emotional cripple, addicts and even abusive themselves. I thought I did the right thing by protecting them from my alcholic ex but somehow they became him. I am devasted almost every day by the things they do. I have to remember all over again that it is NOT me, but them. Always everyday I have to remind myself that I cannot change them. This is hard for a parent to do. I have found the courage to do the tough love thing adn it is working with my daughter. It is helping my youngest son, but I have failed COMPLETELY with my middle son. He is a full blown alcholic and in prison from alcohol related crimes. (Just crazy things he does to himself when he is drunk) The last one was a high speed car chase involving NINE cop cruiser, guns, pepper spray, all culminating in MY driveway. Yup, just lay it on me, I can take it....
Families have a way of doing that if you ask me. I don't know WHY some people think, (like your mom) that we can fix them. I have driven myself right into depression from it. I take meds here myself but I am a survivor and I am doing pretty well....or as well as can be expected. I am thinking of trying the online meetings here. I tried on the other night, LOL, but got dumped for lurking. I wasn't trying to lurk, I jsut could not seem to figure out how to reply or post anything! hehe....I will try again tho. I think you could maybe benefit from that?? We both can be the new kids there! You hang in there. Do NOT let your mom bring you down. I think this place can help us.
Dear Mamasan,
It sounds like you totally know how I feel. And your right Im going to keep coming and learning support is very well needed......
Hope to see you there Sincerly,
WStar