Hi everyone, I need to vent about what's been happening with me as of late. I ended up a 3 month long relationship with someone about a month ago. I broke up with her mostly due to circumstances - and the fact that I couldn't deal with her Bi-Polar disorder. Although she never took anything out on me, I couldn't handle the way it manifested for her etc. I was/am sad as this was the best relationship I ever had. Despite the circumstances and her Bi-Polarity...she met my needs for empathy, honesty, responsibility, etc like no one else has before. Upon breaking up with her, I felt some old pain from my ex. The pain that led me to this most recent relationship to begin with. So...I thought that if I went back...that perhaps I could heal that pain. This is a woman who cheated on me once...then we got back together, and then she abandoned me again when depressed - cancelling tripis, holidays etc...all of this with being in therapy. I contacted her and decided to see a therapist because I thought maybe things could be different. I received flowers from her, promises, proclamations etc. The therapist suggested we take things slow, re-develop a new foundation, which I was all for. This was easier said than done. My part in all this is I did some back/forth with my ex...my hopes/fears...and then became a little intense the other night - sexual. The evening ended with my being left in a bar - sad and angry. Although she didn't cheat or abandon me as she had...it's the same theme on a more subtle level. She gets triggered and the response I get inflames me more and things blow up and I end up abandoned and sad. So I said...no more. This cannot be any different. Too much has happened. I have to grieve this wish once and for all. Thanks for reading. :) I could really use some Al-Anon feedback. Jen

hi , welcome. Well to be honest I had to read your post more than once to sorta sort things out! Sounds like things are very complicated. Relationships can be very trickey. My thought is if I were you, I would work on me and not get involved with anyone for awhile. Rebuild your own foundation, get to know you. Also I want to say, remember we can only change ourseleves, we have no control over anyone else. Sometimes we can think things to death. It may help to lighten up and "keep things simple." Do something mundane or just easy. Go for a walk and pick wild flowers, go to the library and just goof around. Let your mind quiet down and go explore. Things will probably become clearer to you in time. Glad you are here. love,debilyn

I agree with debilyn - sounds like there is some work you need to do on yourself, find out why you keep getting into relationships that don't really give you comfort and joy. The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself, if you can't really love and value yourself, you will keep getting into unhealthy stuff with others. I know that most of what has gone wrong in my life has been because, deep down, I don't really believe I am worth loving. So, when others treat me badly, I somehow think that this is what I deserve. I am changing this, but slowly. Counselling really helps, it has shown me that things I have always believed about myself are just not really true.

  I am sure things will continue on and on and on....just the way they will.  We can get on a merry-go-round that doesn't stop with the bi-polar folks, too.  Until we say, enough is enough and make a decision.

As for medicine, it can help, IF they are willing to take it.  Some bipolars do great with medication and will comply with taking meds.   Some for some reason will stop taking the meds, and go back to mania/depressions.       That's the tricky part of manic depression!    I lost a friendship to manic depression/alcoholism/drugs.   It was not a pretty sight the way my friend has ended up.  It has been down, down, downhill all the way.     She refused to stay on meds, or stay clean.   What can I say?  We no longer had anything in common, she preferred drugs, alcohol, (being an addict) and being a ward of the state, and not taking her meds.

I backed out of the friendship, she basically told me one day to drop me as a friend before she dropped me---she knew the path she was going down and chosen, and since I was the only person who was ever honest with her, ironically, she was being Honest with me, and boy, did I listen, I got the Hell outta that friendship.

Hope this helps.       (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs! ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I highly recommend a book by Patty Duke Astin:    "A Brilliant Madness"  This helped me soooooooooo much in what I went through during my friendship and with my soft rapid cycling as a woman with PMS/PMDD, Seas. Affect. Disorder, and thyroid imbalace, all a spinoff of my husband's alcoholism, I believe.

Take good care of you, we get sick, too!  Physically, spiritually, mentally!  (((((((((((((Hugs! ))))))))))))))))

-- Edited by wallsal55 at 13:47, 2005-05-28