I'll try to keep this short.  I just want to hear some other stories and/or suggestions.

My AH just got out of a very expensive 30 day inpatient facility that was located across the country.  So during that time he was unable to see me or his 1 and 3 year old.  He was discharged and said he needed to decompress and would come home in 4 or 5 days.  2 days later he was on a binge--I know, unbelievable!  He did come home and our son was very ill with the flu and needed to go to the ER for IV fluids so we were really busy with that.  I believe that he wants to be sober---I have no trust that he will be.  He has been going to meetings but has not fully followed the aftercare recommendations---IOP and marital counseling.  He also has not returned to work yet---many triggers at his job.  He has only been home for 3 weeks and he had another relapse---went out drinking one night instead of AA meeting. 

I feel like the situation is hopeless at this point.  He seems to feel disgusted with himself--seems to hate himself.  He's back to AA--calling his rehab friends.  We have been married for 15 years and I can't take it anymore. 

I know he's trying to get sober.  Any thoughts??

mom to 2

Have been waiting to  see if you posted again , I was concerned when the lst post I read was u hadn't heard from him for 4 days. Glad he finally came home, try and relax if he is still going to meetings and keeping touch with treatment centre he is doing all the right things. I was told that a relapse can be a positive thing eventually they just might figure out tht they can't do this alone and will take the help that is offered in AA.  I will pray that is what happens in your home.

You don't say if u are going to meetings or not , this would be so much easier for you if u were u need support that can answer a phone when in trouble or go for coffee on a bad day. I know u have young children perhaps there is a day care near by where they could go for a couple of hours. or a friend u could trade sitting with.  You are worth the effort it takes to find a wy to get to meetings for you. He is not the only one who needs to recover.

Good luck , keep the focus on your children and yourself remember there is absolutley nothing u can do about him and his problem.   Louise

Abbyal,

Thank you.  He's trying--I know he is.  I knew he had a drinking problem but I never realized how severe it was.  Alcohol really has power over him--I guess it does for a lot of people.  It helps to post and hear from people who are living it too.  My friends and family really don't get it and I'm tired of talking about it. 

I have not attended a f2f meeting yet---I really want to.  Just tonight I found a meeting close to my home on Friday---without a doubt, I'm going to that meeting.  I'm scared to death, but I'm going.  I am so shocked how hard it is for him to stay sober.  I never expected that.  I guess I'm lucky that he is trying but I'm not sure.  I know I should shift the focus off him and onto me---I really don't know how people do that.  I just want a  responsible partner and father for our children.  I don't want to raise them alone----who does??  They need a dad and I think that's a cause of alot of my H's problems--being raised without a dad.  I'm so afraid it's going to end up that way for us too.  I know ODAT is the only way.

Again thanks for listening.

mom to 2

Hi Mom,

My ex-AH his currently in recovery, he has not now had a drink for two months, but this has been going on for a year, he has a period of dryness then a lapse.  He has been trying seriously for the past six months and has about three lapses in that time.  As I said he is not drinking at the mo and hopefully is following his programme.  I would say even if he does stop , dont expect miracles, mine is not much better mentally, he is very lost, confused and all over the place and is driving me mad. 

As long as he keeps going to meetings hopefully he will eventually get there.  But you really need to get to meetings as well, your recovery is the most important.

Take care.

Mel

When you talk about how surprised you are at how hard this is for him - that hits home for me. My husband always put up a good front - I never really knew how sick he was. I fell for most of his bs, really believed that he had the 'flu', really believed that most of our probelms were because I was not loving enough, etc. When he sobered up and started telling the truth, I was shocked, and had to change a lot of my thinking. He told me that for the last year or so before he cleaned up, he used to long to be arrested - he figuered that the only way he was going to be able to kick his crack addiction was to go to jail, and he would take stupid chances, hoping to get busted. Meanwhile, I was a bit worried, and unhappy with the direction his life was taking, but had no idea he was so bad. Whenever I would try to talk to him about it, it would be "No, no, I'm fine..." Slips are not uncommon in early sobriety. If he is going to meetings, and spending time with people in the program, that is the best you can hope for at this time. The best thing for you to do to help him, is to get into a program yourself, both for your own sake, and to help you stay out of his way. This is a time for you both to be easy on yourselves - recovery and taking care of your kids are really the top priorities just now. Anything else can wait a year or so, until things have stablized. Glad that you have posted, was worried about you.