Hi people, My computer has been broke, my truck eats gas bad. So I have been alone for days. Doing my best one day at a time, I know the slogans, and the prayers. My head feels like a balloon, I am crying too much again. Taking all my meds too. I mean I can follow and live my program and I love it. Being alone is being alone. Lonelay is lonely. I am not suicidal but doing my best to hang on to.... I am not sure. The world is a hard, hard place. Sometimes I suppose we all need to vent and get this poison out. I am not sure what is going on with me. Don't have a focus right now, feeling tired of holding it all up myself. It being home, vehicle, pain, money, no insurance, meds, nightmares lonelyness, loneliness and lonlieness.sigh Not being touched, no voice to hear, yuck yuck. nope no word from A. He knows I cannot contact him. Or more choose not to becuz of his devil mother. It hurts. When I feel this love for him and caring, a voice is saying, well he does not love or care about you. What does he do for you? nothing. It grows closer to the day I can get my meds. I bet you Ester sue he calls me. I will not answer. He may even find a way to come out here. You can bet the disease will get him here, yea ya can. He might as well marry his disease and his mom. He is for real anyway. I am just on a piece of paper that means nothing to him anymore. The disease gets all his devotion. The beautiful words he wrote and said to me on our wedding are just words, thats all. Some day I will take everything, everything he ever gave me and put it into something and store it somewhere else. All the pictures, the marriage license, the rings the gifts are just shadows now. Can ya tell i am so depressed? crimany. I feel Hp hanging on to me by the tips of my fingers. My animals have been so loving. My piggies will come to me when I lay in the straw and lay their heads on me. My dogs always want to be close to me. If I left my front door open, all the animals would be in be in here sleeping, playing and being where I am. kids always loved me and I loved them. I miss teaching so much. If plants, animals and kids love me how come my own husband does not? I know I know he does but the disease has him. Well u no other A's don't leave. And I do my very best to do all my program with him. I never yell or argue or put him down. I love him as is and do my own thing too. Well I admit it I am hopeless. I am feeling sorry for me. I guess this is the only place I can voice that and about everyone can relate. I love you guys. debilyn

((((debilyn))))

  So glad u posted.  I've been thinking about u and wondering how u were getting on.Sorry to hear u r having a rough time.  Remember that just for today u have a program.  Don't give up.  Live in the moment.  Take it one minute at a time.  That's what works for me.  Come to the chatroom.  You never have to be alone sweety.  I will keep u in my prayers.

                                                    hugs,

                                                   danz

Hi Deblyin,

You helped me so much, im so sorry to see what your going through. I too have been crying all the time lately, and strangely i to am lonely alot lately, but i do know it will pass as you have told me many times when i have shared. I really hope you are not suicidal. You know debylin its not about you why he doesnt love you it is his disease. And i have learnt that sick people (a's) have trouble expressing how they feel. Maybe he has forgotten how, maybe he has lost himself. Hp is with you and he wont leave you and you have us to come to anytime. I love you Deblyin and so do alot of people on this site and I have missed you coming to the room. maybe come to the room a little more often now that your computer is working and vent get your feelings out and kill the lonlieness. Hope to see ya soon BIg big big ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) hun. You hang in there!!!!!!!!!! no matter what :)

 

kerry

Hi debilyn - You are in my thoughts and prayers - Love - Dot (((((((((((debilyn)))))))))))

(((((Debilyn)))))

You are never alone. We are always here for you.

I have been wondering how you are, you haven't posted lately. I am sorry you are having such a bad time.

Now more than ever you have to keep reminding yourself that it is not you. It is his disease that is keeping him from showing love. He can't even love himself.

Keep hugging those little furries tight. You are important, you are special and YOU ARE LOVED!

Your strength and stories of your furries and Eden have gotten me through many a night. You have given so much to so many, allow yourself to know that and to draw on our strength to get you through this depression.

                                                  Love Jeannie

Dear Debilyn,

Much love and hugs to you.  It's hard living with depression and being alone, but one thing you have to remember is that HP is always with you and so are we.  You have your lovely animal friends that love you as much as we do.  And even though you don't see us, we are with you every step of the way because we have lived in desperation and loneliness.  So you see Debilyn, even when you feel alone, you always have us and HP with you.

 

Much Love and Strength, SenoraBob

Dear Debilyn,

I am sorry it's so hard for you now. When I get overwhelmed or a case of the blues that stays longer than I can bear, it is helpful for me to start singing. Sometimes it takes tuning into a radio station that has music I know, and I can sing along. Sometimes it's going to a religious service and singing with people around me. Even a solo in the bathtub (don't forget the bubblebath) can lift me back among the living. By the time I wake up singing, I know I'm going to be OK. I'm not even good at it, but it is good for me.

I too can't stand it that the disease calls you up when it's time for your drugs to get refilled. GGGGRRRRRRR

Hang in there and try everything to bring life back into your spirits.

Jill