Sharing some thoughts from earlier meeting: the topics of surrender serenity and resentment are great ones for meetings---boy if we could master those one day at a time we would be in shape quick
and I do have it down some days but it is one day at a time and this too shall pass fits with serenity as well as with pain
I learned here that expectations are premeditated resentments that rob us of serenity for sure
Today I am surrendering my blues to HP
I have so much to be grateful for and want to feel it very badly but must have to go through this low level depressed feeling for a reason maybe for more compassion of others or something
Cuz I don’t feel depressed mush any more a sign the program really works when I work it hard I have been doing gratitude lists I keep one under the place mat in kitchen and keep adding stuff to it
but when depressed it doesn’t feel very meaningful maybe I just want immediate relief but have to have patience with the process of recovering
I also realize that I can change the things I can & asked HP to show me what I can change then my awareness went to the self talk I do
it is hard to be up on your life when your self talk says my life is mundane there is no longer satisfaction in parenting these days teenagers suck
so when I surrendered I got the answer to change some of my stinking thinking to do some of the mundane things with HP in mind like gratitude for the food I am cooking and where it came from
gratitude that we have so many clothes to wash that it takes 5 or 6 loads a week gratitude that I have a supportive hubby that wants me to delegate more and is encouraging me to do that . He told the teenagers they need to help me more, etc.
so I can grow my business which is an outlet 4 my creativity many blessings that will multiply (at least in awareness ways) if I choose to focus on them but first I had to surrender that I was powerless over the depressed feelings without HP’s help I couldn’t have lifted them or had the energy to take healthier thought steps
creativity helps me feel esteem and helps me feel like a channel for HP—not necessarily writing a novel or painting, but just doing something in a new way can lift me.
Just some thoughts and now I gotta get going—prayers to you all for healthy days ahead with close connections to HP.
take care Luv 123 (a.k.a sha-angel--the board wont accepts my "sha" nick 4 some reason)
jessi said
May 24, 2005
Luv123,
It sounds like you are doing all you can to take care of yourself right now. I, too, have experienced low-level depression which doesn't seem to serve a purpose in my mind and get frustrated and can backslide easily.
One of my favorite tools is to just keep doing "the next right thing" regardless of how I feel about it on that given day. Doing stuff such as exercising, getting enough sleep and eating well are never going to be bad ideas for me. Generally, I find that that kind of self-care helps me to get out of those murky places too.
I love that you have a running gratitude list. I definitely find I have trouble being down when I count my blessings -- literally.
Take care and keep sharing.
Love and hugs,
Jessi
hardyt said
May 24, 2005
I just happened to take a look at the board today which is something I haven't done in a while and I was amazed to find right away a message about the very thing I am really struggling with lately and especially the last week or so. This nagging depression and sadness that lives in my chest and makes me just want to go home and stay there all by myself. I am going to meetings and reading literature and even restarted therapy. I have just added an antidepressant a couple of days ago as depression is not new to me and I have gone this route before. I hate taking the medicine but frankly, I feel desperate.
Anyway, it was helpful to read that I am not alone. It sounds like you have a lot of common sense. I have made gratitude lists in the past too and at the time it was helpful. Right this minute, I am having trouble getting in touch with any of those grateful feelings. It is so difficult to make the sad, lonely feelings move out of the way so that other ones can make themselves known. My main goal at this point is to turn everything over to God. That is SOOO hard. I want to so much but no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to let go. I am going to keep working on it though because if I ever do that, the rest will be a piece of cake.
Well, thanks again for your words and many good wishes for you.
Sharing some thoughts from earlier meeting: the topics of surrender serenity and resentment are great ones for meetings---boy if we could master those one day at a time we would be in shape quick
and I do have it down some days but it is one day at a time and this too shall pass fits with serenity as well as with pain
I learned here that expectations are premeditated resentments that rob us of serenity for sure
Today I am surrendering my blues to HP
I have so much to be grateful for and want to feel it very badly but must have to go through this low level depressed feeling for a reason maybe for more compassion of others or something
Cuz I don’t feel depressed mush any more a sign the program really works when I work it hard I have been doing gratitude lists I keep one under the place mat in kitchen and keep adding stuff to it
but when depressed it doesn’t feel very meaningful maybe I just want immediate relief but have to have patience with the process of recovering
I also realize that I can change the things I can & asked HP to show me what I can change then my awareness went to the self talk I do
it is hard to be up on your life when your self talk says my life is mundane there is no longer satisfaction in parenting these days teenagers suck
so when I surrendered I got the answer to change some of my stinking thinking to do some of the mundane things with HP in mind like gratitude for the food I am cooking and where it came from
gratitude that we have so many clothes to wash that it takes 5 or 6 loads a week gratitude that I have a supportive hubby that wants me to delegate more and is encouraging me to do that . He told the teenagers they need to help me more, etc.
so I can grow my business which is an outlet 4 my creativity many blessings that will multiply (at least in awareness ways) if I choose to focus on them but first I had to surrender that I was powerless over the depressed feelings without HP’s help I couldn’t have lifted them or had the energy to take healthier thought steps
creativity helps me feel esteem and helps me feel like a channel for HP—not necessarily writing a novel or painting, but just doing something in a new way can lift me.
Just some thoughts and now I gotta get going—prayers to you all for healthy days ahead with close connections to HP.
take care Luv 123 (a.k.a sha-angel--the board wont accepts my "sha" nick 4 some reason)
I just happened to take a look at the board today which is something I haven't done in a while and I was amazed to find right away a message about the very thing I am really struggling with lately and especially the last week or so. This nagging depression and sadness that lives in my chest and makes me just want to go home and stay there all by myself. I am going to meetings and reading literature and even restarted therapy. I have just added an antidepressant a couple of days ago as depression is not new to me and I have gone this route before. I hate taking the medicine but frankly, I feel desperate.
Anyway, it was helpful to read that I am not alone. It sounds like you have a lot of common sense. I have made gratitude lists in the past too and at the time it was helpful. Right this minute, I am having trouble getting in touch with any of those grateful feelings. It is so difficult to make the sad, lonely feelings move out of the way so that other ones can make themselves known. My main goal at this point is to turn everything over to God. That is SOOO hard. I want to so much but no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to let go. I am going to keep working on it though because if I ever do that, the rest will be a piece of cake.
Well, thanks again for your words and many good wishes for you.
hardyt