Well, I hate to count it down but my recovering A husband who doesn't want to be in this relationship after 31 years is moving out June 1st. In the mean time, our youngest is graduating from high school. We have no plan except his and that is "I am taking my clothes and I don't want to have anything to do with you." Well, he says, maybe I will call. And I said what about the boys? He said that he was going to talk to them about how it is not their fault. Our second son is working in another state for the summer. He said, Mom, you are going to be all alone. My husband and I just can't talk about anything at all. We took the two brothers for a senior trip just to let them enjoy each others company before everyone goes their separate ways. At the end of the trip it was the same old, and "you just controlled this trip like you always do. I will be really glad when I don't have to listen to this crap."

After graduation I am taking off to play on a sports team at a tournament. When I come home, he will be gone. I know I am in a co-addicted relationship and some parts are really not very healthy. But starting over after all these years and taking on the responsibility for everything in my household is going to be hard. I am thankful for Alanon and the literature. I have been listening to the speakers online and to the tapes when I drive. I am going to a f2f meeting tomorrow night. This is hard!

Thanks,

Nancy

 

 

-- Edited by nmike at 17:14, 2005-05-23

Hi Nancy,

Wow, you're going through some big changes.  You will be fine, you must know that. 

In an odd way I'm almost jealous as I want to "start over" but just don't have the courage. 

I wish you the best.

Bonnie

 

nmike, We seem to be in the same place. My A husband is snoring away at 4:00 p.m. He snored and pee'd all night long. I on the other hand I hardly slept at all. I was too stubborn to give up the comfy bed. Now, I can't decide if I should go to pilates and work off the frustration or sleep! I just san't believe how selfish all A's are. It seems like such an empty life. I wonder what it must feel like to never grow up. Anyway, as soon as our son heads for college, I'm out of here. I'm really looking forward to it! And scared to death! But I just don't see any other way to get my life back. Meanwhile it is sooooo one day at a time! I wish you the best in your new life. Keep us posted. Whitie

Sounds like he is having a great time, blaming you for all of the problems in your relationship. He's doing some controlling himself, it looks to me, making you go through this 'countdown'. Please don't let his games get you down. You are NOT all alone, you have your HP, you have all of us, you have the people in your face to face meetings, you have your sons, you have your own good self. Have fun at your tournament, and when you get home, do something that you like but never get to do because he doesn't like it - crackers in bed?

Nancy, Your courage is inspiring. I was in a bad relationship for six years with my A (no where near the length of yours) but that was very difficult for me to get through. It's understandable that you are scared/nervous about being on your own now. Please know that your HP will take care of you as much as you allow. I know we are in Al-Anon but I often use the AA Promises to help me see beyond the circumstances of my life right now. Those promises are hopeful and guaranteed if we work for them. You will be in my prayers. Love and hugs, Jessi