Hi everyone,  I am new here and not even sure how this a works.  A friend of mine suggested Alanon would help me.  I have a close friend who is destroying himself with alcohol.  His life is totally chaos and it hurts me to see all this and not be able to help.  He drives me craz yet I love him.  I know I am crazy too.  How can I deal with this within myself and also be a good influence on him. 

hi Lost welcome to Al-Anon the best way to help your friend is to find the nearest meeting and start attending , u will learn about the disease of alchoholism and how to detach with love so that you are not on this roller coaster ride with him anymore. There is nothing u can do about him except accept him as  he is and love him, this is his problem and he is the only one that can fix it.  here is the toll free international number for meeting info for your area hope u call on Monday . 1-888-4alanon. goodluck and hope to meet u in our chat room soon.   Louise

Hi Lost,

I certainly agree with Abbyal that Al-Anon meetings are very helpful, and also posting what you are feeling are very good tools to understand the sickness. You will learn new ways of coping with your situation, and have a better quality of life.

The only person that you can change is yourself, and little by little attending the meetings, you will come to believe in a power greater than yourself, that will help you to keep the focus on yourself. 

It is very difficult and painful to standby and see someone that we love who is destroying themself with alcohol, and feeling like there is nothing that we can do.  I understand, because I have two sons who drink.  Eventhough, I know that I can not change them, yet I can Let go and Let God/HP do what I can not do.  Today, I have learned to put the focus on myself, and that is the best way that I can help them.  Keep the faith, keep posting, and try to attend meetings. It is about changing the things that you can change, and finding happiness eventhough your partner is still drinking.  I will keep you in my prayers.

Hugs & Many Blessings 

Hi, so lost.  I, too, see how the alcohol is destroying my A's life (and our life together).  I have come to accept it as if the person I love is stricken with a disease of which I am unable to cure.  This is life.  It will only change when he wants it to change.  I just hope it is not too late.  He stopped smoking only when he could barely draw a breath.  It seems that he will, perhaps, stop drinking when it affects his health.  I just hope it isn't too late.  So, I have no choice but to stay close to my HP and accept that which I cannot change.  I try to be the best that I can be and maintain a healthy body and soul.  Keep coming back and posting.  Love and prayers, Annie

Thank You everyone for your heartfelt responses.  I am really torn between wanting to cut ties with this person or sticking around .   I know little abut the program here but do know I need to learn more about it so I know how to deal with myself when I am in the presence of him or someone else like him.  I am hoping to learn how to not go crazy, feel so insane when I am around him.  I am hoping the support here will help me.  Thank you again.