Hi Y'all....

I'm new to these boards and new to the situation in my life.  A few months ago I starting dating and am falling in love with a man who has been sober now for 17 years.  He's committed to his sobriety and I'm behind that 100% and more than willing to do whatever it takes.  I've checked out Al Anon meetings in my area, and he has asked me to talk to some people about living with an alcoholic, but I don't exactly know how to approach someone with that question.  I have no problem with never drinking again, it has never been a factor in my life and it's nothing I would miss, but my friends are giving me a little bit of a hard time about the situation.  Would anyone be willing to talk to me and maybe give me some insight?  I would really appreciate it, because I really adore this man - I've never met anyone like him and in my opinion anything worth having is worth working for.

Hi funnygirl,

Welcome. I think most people that are involved with Alanon will be more than happy to talk to you. Sharing our experiences is what helps us stay strong.

17 years sober is a long time, and it is great that he is dedicated to his sobriety.

I think the biggest thing I could tell you is that to any Alcoholic it is alwasy one day at a time. Most recovering alcoholics will tell you they are a recovering alcoholic, not that they where an alcoholic. They work at staying sober every day.

I would say the best thing for you to remember is that it is his recovery, his disease, and while it is a part of him it has nothing to do with you. There is nothing you do that will make him take that first drink, and nothing you can do to stop it. His life, and his choice.

As far as you never having a drink again, I would say that is up to you. I don't know how he feels at this stage about being around someone who has a few drinks. My Grandfather was a recovering alcoholic for 30 years until his death, yet my Grandmother did have a few glasses of wine occasionally and he could attend social functions where people where drinking.

My husband is an actively drinking alcoholic, I choose not to drink, as the very smell of it makes me ill. I have nothing in the house, and if he chooses sobriety I will continue to keep it out of the house if he feels he cannot be around it in the early days.

I look at it like an allergy. I love strawberries and am highly allergic to them. I tend not to buy the really wonderful fresh ones in the summer, because I have been known to eat them until I look like one and then suffer horribly, so much for my self control. But my children and my husband do like them (not as much as me) so I do buy them occasionally and just stay away from them. They can eat them, they are not allergic to them, and I just have to tell myself not to.

I hope things work out well for both of you.

                              Love Jeannie

Sober 17 yrs  good deal, but in my opinion if your going to live with an A u need your own program. hehe  U will find our solutions to problems just aren't the same , we simply don't think alike  and thats ok as long as one person dosen't take offence to that.

If he is solid in his program meetings come first for him, they are a must to stay sober, if your busy in al anon you won't have a problem with that either.  Good luck  Louise

hi funnygirl,

Welcome.  This site, along with face to face meetings etc,  is a great place to learn about alcoholism and how to live with it.  I think you answered your own question when you said "anything worth having is worth working for".  

I'm with Jeannie on the drinking issue, I choose not to though my hubby is still an active alcoholic.  It's your choice, if you don't think you'll miss it, then so be it.  As for your friends...just change the subject if it bothers you. It's amazing how much of our world centers around alcohol, it's all over TV, movies, at work, etc etc. 

Good luck to you.

Bonnie

 

Hi Funnygirl. Yes, 17 years sober is something to be proud of, but not taken for granted. My darling husband was sober 25 years before he fell and fell hard. It nearly killed me AND him!! We're back on track, for which I am thankful, but it will always be "one day at a time" for both of us. Go to AlAnon meetings near you, and learn. Life is good, and can be good with an A if you are willing to face the possibilities. Each sober day is a blessing. Don't forget. Best to both of you, ..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:- ¸.·´ ..·´¨¨)) ((¸¸.·´ ...·´ Diva-:¦:- -:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*

Thanks for all of your advice and kind words!  He took me to my first AA meeting the other night and it was an amazing experience.  It was very spiritual without being religious, which was good for me.  He's integrating me into his circle of friends and it's going really well.  They're a wonderful group of folks.  I'm going to my first Al Anon meeting tonight.  As for my friends, they're starting to lighten up on me because I've never been a big partier anyway, they can see how happy I am, and that if this relationship is changing me it's for the better.