Your post gave me shivers. You described what is going on perfectly. He keeps saying he does not know what to do, and he told me he is suicidal. I was thinking today that he may need me to make a decision for him. I feel like I always do and have learned from alanon: Being insane is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. That is why I left it to him and came home. I have thought about going over there all day long. Phil I am going to go get dressed right now and I am going over there. His mom, nor anyone would know if it was bad. Thank you Phil and everyone. pray for my A. He is RP. Love,debilyn

Dear Deb, I have read many of your posts and have learned alotfrom them. I am thinking of you and your A at this point, and my greatest concerns go out to both of you, and my prayers that everything will be ok. Please keep us posted. Thinking of both you ((((((((Deb)))))) and ((((((A)))))).             gardengal

Thank you gg. I drove t here put my last ten buck in my truck. I got there and he looked better. He is straight. He tells me his mom is furious, She had asked why I was there and he told her he asked me to get the guitar. She is who called me, i thought it was him. He told her to leave me alone. But she was ready to drive out here and stab me todeath. sick. She wants to kill me. I have never, ever been mean or rude to her. He said he told her to leave it alone. Said if she knew I was there she would call the police. Said he could not call me as she was following him around since yesterday. sicko's. I said I feel like when I leave I won't see you again. I said what do you want/ He said he wants to work and be able to drive and come see me. I said oh how cute but you cannot stay. his mom told him if he comes to our house he can never come back to her house again. OH god he is so sick. She is so sick. my heart is broken. I started cry89ing and he said don't be upset you have done nothing wrong. I said I gotta go. I hugged him and held his face and kissed him and was sobbing and he said will you be ok. I said of course not. I screamed adn sobbed all the wqay home. thought about driving fash into a tree. but my kids kept coming into my mind. My heart hurts so bad. feel so broken fifty three years old and he gets grounded from her phone and cannot come see me or he will get kicked out. He did not say he would just come home. I did not ask. He has to want to. He has to want me enough to get it togehter or he will not see me or talk to me I cannot let this disease kill me. I have been this upset and broken since the very first time he left. I had a gu then and all my friends called each other and were out here trying to calm, me down. I hid the gun in the barn and they would not let me go out there. I cant help it. It hurts so much. My computer is not owrking right I cannot go to the room. I cannot get email. I am alone out here. I gotta get my computer fixed. Keept wanting to just swallow them all and stop this crap. I want to lock myslef up here an dnot leave. I hate this world. I hate it . gotd now I sound so much of a big baby. well I won't be around until I can get it together. just hurts too much.

I apoligize Deb for upsetting you--it wasnt my intention.

At least you found out what was going on.-- easy does it and take care of number one. Sounds like a Let Go and Let God thing for now-hu?

He always has a way of working things out if we just let Him.  You and your A are in my thoughts. One day at a time.   Hugs

(((((((debilyn))))))))

My heart and my prayers go out to you.  Please know that you are not alone in your pain.  I know it is so difficult at times like this to truly hand things over to HP, but by the same token, it is truly the only thing that can free you from the pain.  Remember that we are all here for you, and that our thoughts and prayers are headed your way even when you cannot talk to us directly, we are here and we are there.....open your heart to them and to your HP and feel the peace and love.... 

Yours in Recovery,

David