My husband moves out June 1st to start his new job and end our relationship. I am trying to be thankful for what I do have and what he is able to give. He said let's go to the lake and camp out. It was great to be outdoors. He resembles a shell of a man that I don't even know after so many years. He acts as if he is just shut down. We are making this major transition in our lives and it just seems like there is no one home. No emotions, no dialogue, on his part. I asked him what he was thinking about and he said that he was thinking about himself 24/7 and his turmoil. And his turmoil isn't about our relationship ending. He says don't you get it? I don't want a relationship with you. And I think I get it but I don't get how he can just leave without a plan, a thank you, an emotion, a statement about anything. Well, I am just mad and hurt and a little fearful (alot) about what I am going to do. But it was nice to do something together.

Thanks for listening.

Nancy

Hi Nancy!  I feel for you. I have a history of picking emotionally unavailable people in my life--especially significant others!--and have felt the same desperation and isolation that you express here.  Waiting for them to change, or be different in some way, is a set-up.  It just doesn't happen.  What I had to learn, over much time and much agony, was how to be there for myself, and take care of me!  You hear this all the time in the program, and it's so frustrating when you don't really know what that means.  It sounds like a cop-out, or a brush-off, or something--but bit by bit, I started getting an inkling of just how powerful that concept of self-nurturing is, and I can't imagine living my life without it now!  Seek out good support, friends who CAN be there for you, and things you enjoy for yourself--and let the program work for you as you take it day by day (sometime breath by breath!).

All the best,

seachange

Hello Nancy , I know this is hard but keep the focus on yourself your the only one u can change.  He dosen't know what he wants at this stage and alot of A;s think if they just get rid  of the family they will be ok.  NOT!!!! This is a very selfish disease and it is always about them. the rest of the family just dosen't matter anymore. That is disease not the man . it is running his life at the moment and no one wins.

I hope u are going to f2f meetings for yourself and your children. U need support from others who have been where your at right now so they can share with you how they got thru it. We need people who understand and who can pick up a phone on a bad day . 

Good luck focus on your own needs  and you wil be fine.

Hi Nancy

I know of the fear of change.

Fear kept me immobolized for many years.

But when i left the world did not spin.

It is one week on my own and I am scared, lonely, busy with family and friends and alanon.

I am taking care of me. That is what I take from not being with the A

His lack of emotion resembles my A.

i asked him how he felt and he said sad. did not elaborate just sad...

You will survive this Nancy, one day at a time

megab

Hi Nancy,

I just wanted to give you a big hug!!   (((((((((((((((((((((Nancy)))))))))))))))))))))

JJ

Thank you all for your help and words of advice. It helps so much to know that you are not alone.

Nancy